My downstairs neighbors are pretty avid birders.  They keep a bunch of parrots as pets and on warm, sunny days, all the windows in the house are open and the birds sing all day long.  While I find avian music soothing and enjoyable, it’s hard to maintain the illusion of cool if I’m not awkwardly rapping along to The Chronic, Word of Mouf, or Arlo Guthrie.

Anyways, the other day my roommate commented that “this parrot/music mashup reminds me of Hatebeak.”  I had no idea what Hatebeak was.  Do you know what Hatebeak is?  It’s a fucking death metal group fronted by a goddamn Congo African Grey Parrot named Waldo.  Let me repeat that: a death metal group fronted by a fucking bird.  Until the other day, I had no idea there was a subgenre of metal for bands fronted by animals.  Caninus really take the crown on this front because nothing is more ridiculously brilliant as growling pit bulls.

I feel like with the explosion of cats and generally stupid animal pictures on The Memenets in the late 2000s, animal-fronted bands are going to be the meme of the 2010s.  Girl Talk is going to remix Night Ripper with ‘authentic barnyard sounds’ and call it Bestiality.  I want to get in on this ‘cash cow’ too.  Anyone want to start a band fronted by pigs?  We’ll call it something rad like “Swine Terror” or “Pig Panic” or “Osama Pig Latin,” get some guy that can drum really fast, and slay the pig at the end of the show while we snort and yell “that’s all folks!”

Who wouldn’t pay $15 dollars to see that shit?  I’m going to be richer than God.