Four Loko Officially Sparks 2.0

The New York Times is reporting that Four Loko is finally going the way of our beloved friend Sparks (R.I.P.):

The company that produces the Four Loko beverage said it will remove the caffeine and two other ingredients from its products after facing a cascade of criticism and regulatory scrutiny for producing the energy drinks, which combine high levels of the stimulant with alcohol.

The announcement comes as the Food and Drug Administration was expected to take a stand on the drinks, perhaps as early as Wednesday. The company, in a statement, acknowledged that it was acting in response to the threat of government action. (link)

Now the question is, what's next?  If history tells us anything, something else (presumably stronger and more disgusting) will take its place.  Personally, if I were to create a Sparks/Loko/Joose/Tilt knockoff, the can would make disparaging comments about people under the age of 23 so gramps wouldn't get confused about who it was marketed to.

In the meantime, go clean out your local bodega and fire up that Sparks cook lab.

Finally, I'd like to leave you with what could be the best string of words ever put together about the beverage.  From the exceptionally rad blog, Fresh Off the Boat:

So, I drink a lot of four loko and its dope. That's really all there is to it. I like gummy bears and I like alcohol that taste like malt liquor gummy bears. The whole crack down is comedy to me. I found this stuff earlier this year around March. I started seeing cans of it on the curb, mad people on the bus were drinking it, and the cans looked like sizzurp fucked an arizona iced tea. It was kinda crunk. I had one can and knew it was going to blow up.

I fux with four loko cause its a wild-out concept and gets right to the point. It blatantly is created to get you blitzed really cheap and there is no pretension. It's an HONEST product. I love it. It's the moonlight bunny ranch of malt liquors. “Get in, get out, that's a OG's classic.” This is the only time in my life I will ever quote Memphis Bleek, but sometimes mo-fuckers say some real shit. [Read On]

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