Bender's Unveils Yet Another Rad Logo
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
When will this make it onto a t-shirt? (Not soon enough.)
Bender's
Bender's Latest Bar Opening "Any Day Now"
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Waiting for final inspections to go through, the folks from the Mission's lowlife clubhouse are just days away from opening Emperor Norton's Boozeland, their Tenderloin “rock ‘n’ roll lounge” within the old Deco Lounge.
Regulars who stopped into their soft opening during Pride Weekend tell Uptown Almanac that “the place is pretty fucking rad” and “they have a sick patio”—high praise, even if it is short on specifics. Fortunately, Bender's owner Johnny Davis gave some details to Tablehopper to get us excited:
The gutting, cleanup, and buildout of the space over the past seven months has been significant—he tells me they removed seven layers of flooring, gaining practically a foot in height! (It now has a poured concrete floor.) They kept the awesome vintage bar, and removed the wall behind it so you can see into the other room. Look for a bust of the namesake Emperor Norton himself in the ticket window, and there will be a portrait of him inside as well. As for the creepy downstairs (which felt like a dungeon), it won’t be open to the public, but you can hang out on the back patio until 10pm, and you no longer will have to duck your head on the stairs either.
Follow them on Facebook to get the news of their official opening date.
Bender's Is Hosting A Monthly Cheese Club And This Is Very Exciting News
— By Alissa |
Cheese
Queso here's the deal: Bender's is now hosting a Stinky Cheese Club on the third Tuesday of every month (tonight! 5pm!) because Bender's is a magical place staffed by beautiful geniuses who were put on this earth to make us happy. Here are the details from the Facebook invite:
The Cheese Stands Alone!
Every 3rd Tuesday join Tuula and Mikey for the monthly meeting of the STINKY CHEESE CLUB.
Come down, bring some cheese (or crackers, meats, pickles, etc…) and get a free can of PBR or Well Drink, and enjoy the spread…
There you have it! Come provolone or bring a friend, but be sure to pitch in your favorite wedge. Either way its guaranteed to brie a grate evening.
MOTHERFUCKING MAYDAY Bender's Stops Serving Tots, Replaces With Fucking Fries AAAAAAAH
— By Alissa |
We're not sure if it's a permanent change, and these fries are actually really really good but ommmmgggg!!!!
Help Bender's Name Their New Bar (And Win a Free Drink Everyday For Life)
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
As you might have heard, the folks behind the bar at Bender's bought up The Deco Lounge in the Tenderloin as the divey gay bar was going out of business. The Bender's guys already know what they're going to do with the place: they're moving away from the live music and DJs and turning it into a “cocktail bar” (which, given that it's Bender's, we cannot imagine will be a classy joint). However, they still don't know what to call it.
They had a few good ideas, but none of them stuck. A few of us tried to convince them to call it “Benderloin,” but they didn't find that name as amazing as we did. So they're turning it over to the larger Mission brain trust to figure it out.
However, there's more on the line than the satisification of finally having one of those “killer” bar names in the back of your head put to good use: whoever gives them the best name gets a free drink everyday for life. Which, honestly, is much more generous compensation than anyone should expect for drunkenly scribbing down lewd bar name.
(Oh, and I already stuffed the box with “Cock & Tails,” “Bert & Ernie's,” and “Sacrifice,” so you'll have to be at least that creative to win.)
Behold: Bender's New Donut Bacon Cheeseburger
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Because there is no Wendy's within San Francisco city limits and thus no easy way for the citizenry to discretely murder themselves, Bender's has added this frightening thing to their menu: Donut Bacon Cheeseburger. With tots.
I didn't personally sample the new fare, as my arteries were already clogged with a burrito, but my friend remarked it was “real fucking good” before sketching off to find a quite place to be gassy.
Anyway, it's only on the menu for a reportedly “limited time only,” so if you have been fiending for some digestive stupidity in the land of arugula and avocado, you best get over there soon.
Smack Pinballs All Over San Francisco
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
That's right, at some point in the last few weeks, Bender's scored themselves a Dirty Harry pinball machine, so now you can partake in all your favorite San Francisco activities like getting into 'car chases' and 'raiding warehouses' and 'shooting serial killers in the fucking chest'. All while drinking PB&J's!
And should you not be excited enough to run over to the bar with a messenger bag full of quarters, watch the 80s-tastic promotional video they made for this machine. The first minute or so is so goddamn ridiculous, you'll swear you're watching some bizarre fetish porno in which some giant hairdo gets bent over the machine and fucked by a police horse wearing Ray-Bans.
Bender's Gets Brief Shout-out from Anthony Bourdain's "The Layover"
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I'm sure you've been sick of hearing about Tony Bourdain's jaunt through SF since it happened back in August. And don't worry—we're getting to that point too. But the guy has a mouth like a sailor, and he pretty much spent his entire time in SF getting housed, so we couldn't help but give his SF episode of “The Layout” a watch last night.
All those places we heard about Bourdain visiting—Toronado, Dolores Park, Rice Paper Scissors, Zeitgeist etc.—made the show, but beloved neighborhood hole Bender's made an unexpected cameo. This is what he had to say about it:
I could have gone to Bender's for late drinks, but they have live rock n' roll there and this show is so cheap-ass that we couldn't afford to pay the music rights.
Instead, he rolled to Chinatown's Li Po Lounge, where he shoved one of those blackout-inducing mai tai's down his throat.
And, of course, the “live rock n' roll” comment is a lie, as Bender's doesn't have live music on Tuesdays (when they filmed). But no matter; it sounds like the jukebox has gone and saved the bar from hordes of Travel Channel watchers.
Find This Bicycle, Get Whiskey Shots
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
While I recognize this blog isn't Craigslist, I feel somewhat responsible for this bike's disappearance from outside of Bender's last night by way of dumping trays of whiskey shots in front of my friends until awful hours in the morning. So, dearest Uptown Almanac readers, should you find Alissa's black Pake bicycle, we'll reward you by taking you to Bender's and showering you with trays full of whiskey shots.
It's pretty much the only bike in San Francisco I've ever seen with a multicolored chain, so if you see anyone riding a black bike with said chain, you have the green light to tackle them off the bike and liberate it from the clutches of bike thievery.
Hot Area Dive Now Serves Cold Ice Cream Sundaes
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Bender's doesn't anything else going for it—certainly not more favorable coverage from area blogs such as this. But as an admitted ice cream snob who intends to live out his golden years with an ugly concoction of diabetes and liver disease, news that Bender's is now turning out sundae's in tater tot trays for five bucks is impossible to pass up. And just look at that thing: delicious ice cream that comes from a 5 gallon tub, melty in all the right places, and oozing with chocolate syrup. Plus, for those of you who aspire to die of heart failure, they'll cover it in bacon bits at no extra cost.
No word as to how long you'll be able to score this, but it looked like there was a mess of ice cream in the fridge.