Tenderloin / Civic Center

Tenderloin Cocaine and Prostitute Dispensary Goes Upscale

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

RJ's Sports Bar on Geary was a weird place.  My introduction to it was last summer, when I was characteristically drinking with some idiots at Whiskey Thieves until it became uncomfortably packed and sought refuge inside RJ's most unwelcoming doors.  There was a vague feeling of menace in the air, but the bar was host to an exceptional TV-to-person ratio and the old Korean ladies behind the bar seemed nice enough, so we saddled up and resumed our nightly demise.

As we got deeper into our beers, we tried to figure out the scene we had happened upon.  There were piles of massive speakers stacked in the corner in anticipation of some great event that would never happen.  The gray haired man sporting a fishing hat who feverishly danced with a pair of worn out whores seemed a bit too happy with his situation.  And why the fuck was the jukebox playing Aqua and strange Mexican Oompah music in seemingly equal quantity?

Well, as the night dragged on, we apparently ordered the magic combination of beers and liquor because the nice old Korean bartender finally put it all together for us with a simple offer: “Cocaine?”

I guess that explained the unexpectedly clean bathroom complete with chest-high shelving.

As these things usually go, the bar was shut down by ABC some weeks later.  Who could be surprised?  Their Yelp reviews range from coked-out praise to grim tales of whoring amongst the staff.  And now it's shedding its ironic crime-scene appeal and going upscale.

SFist reports:

Most of you know RJ's Sports Bar as that yellow-signage watering hole you see while smoking on the patio at Rye. “What is that place,” you ask yourself between drags. “It scares me a bit.” Well, it's a bar. Obviously. And now it's been sold to House of Shields owner Dennis Leary and bar manager Eric Passetti. Brava!

Now, will the noted Canteen chef and expert bar manager turn Sports Bar into yet another reclaimed-wood-and-Edison-bulb bar of mixology? Hardly. In fact, they've reportedly had it up to here with the overemphasis on cocktailologyness.

Let's hope they don't let the old fishing hat dude down.

[SFist]

JELL-O's Pity Pudding Promotion Plays Out Poorly

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

SF Weekly was on the scene to see how the second place Super Bowl promotion played out:

The plan to unload large amounts of free food, often in San Francisco's grittier neighborhoods, went about how you'd think it would. A JELL-O commercial became an impromptu dispensary on Ninth and Market, as men and women in worn hoodies and grimy jeans groped with both arms into the pudding vat, carting off mass quantities of the ersatz dessert. “You're just supposed to take one!” snarled a pudding worker to a sunken-eyed woman smoking a cigarette down to the butt and loping away with a dozen pudding cups. JELL-O's smarmy tagline leading into their Loser Pudding giveaway was “nothing masks the bitter taste of defeat like the sweet taste of JELL-O Pudding!” Many of the folks helping themselves to armfuls of pudding apparently required extra large masks following strings of defeats a bit more consequential than losing some football game.

The workers regulating the flow of JELL-O to San Francisco's downtrodden population were polite and professional. But this was a rough gig. “I'd rather have a Vince Lombardi trophy, too,” admitted one. 

Read on.

Tenderloin Declared The Next Mission District By Area Old Man

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Does the North Beachification of the Mission leave you feeling bummed?  Do you find your mind wandering to Oakland as you walk down Valencia?  Do you miss the glory days of the 1970s when you were just a wide-eyed spermie kicking the tires in your daddy's crotch beans?  Well, noted combination Tenderloin slumlord and alt blogger Randy Shaw has the up-and-coming neighborhood just for you!:

Walking by the restaurant row of Mangosteen, Bodega Bistro, Red Crawfish, Lee’s Sandwiches and Turtle Tower between Eddy and Ellis in the Tenderloin’s Little Saigon district, one suddenly comes across a vintage clothing store that looks like it arrived in a time machine from the Mission District of the 1970’s. Located adjacent to the future new home of Turtle Tower, VacationSF at 651 Larkin is an example for the creativity that can emerge when an innovative Tenderloin resident decides to open up a business in their own neighborhood rather than in more upscale surroundings.

Proprietor Kristin Klein “loves the Tenderloin,” and since opening her store last June has found many positives about the neighborhood that others overlook. Klein sees the Tenderloin as “more of an anything goes neighborhood than the Mission,” a feeling that enables her free music shows to attract between 100-200 people without complaints.

More upscale surroundings? Well, yes Randy, the Mission is certainly more upscale than the corner of Twerkin' and Lurkin'.  But then again, our neighborhood hasn't been held down for 30 years by shady crackhouse landlords who fill the streets with diseased individuals rather than help them.

Just sayin'.

[Photo by Mai Le]

Help Bender's Name Their New Bar (And Win a Free Drink Everyday For Life)

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

As you might have heard, the folks behind the bar at Bender's bought up The Deco Lounge in the Tenderloin as the divey gay bar was going out of business.  The Bender's guys already know what they're going to do with the place: they're moving away from the live music and DJs and turning it into a “cocktail bar” (which, given that it's Bender's, we cannot imagine will be a classy joint).  However, they still don't know what to call it.

They had a few good ideas, but none of them stuck.  A few of us tried to convince them to call it “Benderloin,” but they didn't find that name as amazing as we did.  So they're turning it over to the larger Mission brain trust to figure it out.

However, there's more on the line than the satisification of finally having one of those “killer” bar names in the back of your head put to good use: whoever gives them the best name gets a free drink everyday for life.  Which, honestly, is much more generous compensation than anyone should expect for drunkenly scribbing down lewd bar name.

(Oh, and I already stuffed the box with “Cock & Tails,” “Bert & Ernie's,” and “Sacrifice,” so you'll have to be at least that creative to win.)

Supes: Harvey Milk Remembrance Ceremony "Like a Warm Bath"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Supervisors Campos, Olague, and Wiener.

San Francisco's Bored of Former Supervisors remain alive, barely, after this evening's apparently riveting memorial service for 34th anniversary of Harvey Milk and Mayor Moscone's assassination. And while we can't completely fault our city leaders for experiencing 7th grade math class flashbacks during what we're told was a “painful” crop of speeches, considering the amount of posturing they do, you'd think they'd be good at it.

[Photo by Patrick Connors]

The Buck Loses Its Lease

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The Buck Tavern, the mid-Market progressive hangout and all around killer bar owned by Chris Daly, has lost its lease and will be closing up at the end of the month.

Daly himself posted the announcement with a nautical-themed Halloween party announcementt, scheduled for Oct. 31st:

We've lost our lease, so let's set sail!

Being cryptic as always, Daly isn't really explaining what is happening, but posted two comments:

Even though we lost our lease, we like to think that we're embarking upon an even more epic journey. (Don't forget your nautical attire.)

And:

If you asked me last week, I would have told you that we were selling. Today, all I can say for sure is 10/31 is our last day. Oh, and we're going to have a great party that night! (And of course, wear your nautical attire, because this ship is sailing!)

Basically, he's really pushing this “on a boat” thing, even though that video is, like, so four years ago.  Is this some sort of dig at the America's Cup (probably) and the city's eclectic community being pushed out (maybe)?  Either way, the Buck is done, and that probably means one less dive serving decently cheap food.

And where are we supposed to watch the election returns now?

[Photo by Jon Phillips | via Patrick Conners]

Watch as a Shrieking Lady Hipster Takes on Critical Mass With a Lit Road Flare

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

During Friday's contentious 20th Anniversary Critical Mass ride, two women dressed as half-and-half cookies were in a mighty hurry to get to a wine bar.  So they did the logical thing and got out of their idling vehicle in the middle of the Tenderloin and began charging at cyclists with a lit road flare.

The entire scene is a complete spectacle, but it gets real good around 4:15, when a homeless TL denizen lectures the young ladies, concluding with “Damn, my nipples are bigger than yours.”

[via SF Citizen]

Drinking in the TL Sure Sounds Eventful

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm gone out in the TL plenty of times, but I guess I'm going to all the wrong places at the wrong times, because I'm yet to witness what dvtdl? saw at Nite Cap:

So I went to the Nite Cap the other night and saw three things:

1) A bleached blond, comb over, punk rocker drunk guy fall off his bar stool and in the process slam his girlfriend’s head in to a wall. She curled up in a twisted ball and screamed and wailed on the floor. It looked like her ankle was broken, and she was covering her face with her hands yelling “my face! my face!” As an ambulance was called, she tried to run out of the bar and in the process kept falling over and running in to the wall. She was limping badly, all the while the drunk boyfriend stood by not saying much. Some people, myself included, followed her out of the bar to make sure she didn’t stumble in to traffic, where we then saw…

There's a thrilling reveal about what goes down outside the joint, plus some explanation about how the Good Dog on a couch works into the story, but you'll have to read on for all that.

Man Tries to Clean Up Mid-Market By Hosing Down Elderly Chinese Women

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In a throwback to the tactics of 1960s Southern cops, a man guarding a Mid-Market donut shop has taken to spraying down elderly women in an attempt to clean up the neighborhood's sketchiness.  Jonathan Powers was on the scene:

This morning at 7th and Market Street the security guard at Donut World / John's Burgers was hosing down 70+ year old Chinese women with cold water. It was cool and foggy out , they were no longer in front of the shop and packing up.

When a gentleman passing buy told him he was out of line, he said, ” I don't want them here and you need to mind your own business” then proceeded to threatened the man with multiple forms of physical violence and even trying to bait him into a fight.

Sure it gets annoying seeing these women selling food they get free from the local food banks BUT I don't see apple juice, canned carrots, and marshmallows as a mainstay of the traditional Chinese diet and perhaps they sell these items to buy food that is actually useful to them.

Regardless of why, it is completely wrong to spray old women with ice water just because you decide you do not want them there.

SFPD Cruiser Ticketed For Parking in the Bike Lane

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

That's what I looks like, right?  This officer's cruiser, notorious for parking in this same spot along the Market Street bike lane almost daily, has been finally dealt some justice for abusing privledge?

Turns out the officer is just covering his ass—placing a false ticket on the windshield hoping that DPW won't actually ticket him (and so cyclists won't bash his windshield in).  Timothy Mendez knows his trick, “That dude puts it there himself. Keeps it up in the visor.”

At least he knows he's breaking the law?

[via Aaron Durand]

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