Tenderloin / Civic Center

All Bark and No Wipe

This tree is the ultimate metaphor for the Tenderloin: left for dead in a trash-filled alley, rotted out, and used as an improvised toilet by the homeless.

A Pixelated Dolores Park Sure Does Look Nice

I don't feature a lot of graphic design stuff over here.  That's not to say I don't appreciate good design, because I do, I just happen to also own a pirated copy of MS Paint and therefore hold design work to a high standard.  With that, this new work from Caryn Kesler is pretty rad.  Some may even throw that art word around.

Also, I don't happen to know if this technique is called pixelation or not.  I also happen to not give a shit.

[Link]

Giant Post-Apocalyptic Rabbit Now Gracing the Side of The Hemlock

ROA recently finished up a rad new mural outside of the Hemlock while tail-ending his show at White Walls.  Unfortunately, this means we've lost the GIANT FUCKING SHARK we all came to know and love that was on the same wall.  'Tis the nature of street art, I suppose.

[photo by Erik Wilson | hat tip The Tender]

Now a Bunch of Brits Know the Tenderloin is Hella Sketch

Blouz alerts us to this month-old clip from BBC's The Joy of Stats, which focuses on the city's open data efforts, particularly the Crimespotting project.  The short has some solid visualizations of the data mixed with video of the city, plus a fine interview with the Crimespotting founders.  And of course, what piece on crime stats would be complete without a SUV ride down Jones, gawking at cops, cholos, and crackheads?  Perhaps not the most flattering view of the city, but a well-produced and generally interesting one, to say the least.

Check it.

Taiwanese News's Take on the Twitter Tax Break

Mayor Moustache getting on his knees and begging Twitter to stay in SF, Biz Stone worried about getting mugged on his way to work, a cowboy on fire, Twitter climbing the ladder to Heaven and high-fiving tax evading companies like Google and GE, and vegan food?  This clip has it all.

Saw-Wielding Bouncer Aims to Keep Parking Meters Bike-Free

I had a burning desire to order overpriced shots of Jameson from a meth addict last night, so I made my way over to 800 Larkin with two of my three friends.  Rather than leaving our bikes to the mercy of the Tyrone Biggums-looking sketchtard who offered to “watch over” our rides for five bucks and a cigarette, we opted to park 'em in front of the well-lit Century strip club on Larkin.  Within 10 minutes, some agro dude wearing a shirt that clearly didn't fit him and a tie, who we later learned was the proprietor of New Century Theater, began running around the block yelling “whose bikes are these?” He even ran into 800 Larkin and yelled at all the glazed-over hookers and coke dealers. When he learned they were our bikes, he squawked “come with me and remove them.” Naturally, we resisted because they were locked up to a parking meter on the sidewalk, but he insisted that because they were parked at the edge of a white zone (loading zone), it was illegal and that he would cut the bikes from the meter if we did not voluntarily remove them. So we did the mature thing and told him to get bent and finished our drinks, while he called the police and told his bouncer to fetch a saw.

To our surprise, these guys were actually intent on cutting our bikes off the meter and throwing them up the street.  A car quickly pulled up to loading zone and the owner and bouncer started riffling through a trunk full of tools.  As all this went down, the police showed up and clearly didn't know what the fuck to do. After a minute of the owner ranting against the bicycles hurting his business, it came down to the cops asking us “how long are you leaving your bikes there?” We quipped some  awful pun like “we're just loading up our drinks and we're biking back to a more civil place.” Then they said they'd be by later and expected our bikes to be gone.

So is it actually ever illegal to lock your bike up to a meter?  SF's laws don't say there is anything wrong with locking your bikes up in a white zone, but I'm sure cutting bikes from meters isn't cool.  That said, next time you're in the TL, watch out for ornery strip club owners mugging your bike.

[photo by miss.libertine]

PETA Smokes Crack, Suggests Renaming the Tenderloin to the "Tempeh District"

PETA is busy embarrassing every San Francisco vegetarian today, suggesting in an open letter to Mayor Lee that SF change the Tenderloin's name to the “Tempeh District”:

I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters, including thousands in the Bay Area, with an idea that could help revitalize the struggling Tenderloin district: rename it the “Tempeh District.” By discarding an outdated moniker that evokes the horrors of the meat trade, you'll be sending a strong message to progressive businesses and health-conscious residents that this neighborhood is ready for a fresh start.

For those of you who don't know, tempeh is the inferior-tasting meat substitute sibling of tofu and seitan, that PETA's Tracy Reiman describes as “a healthy, cruelty-free meat substitute.”  PETA continues:

It's true that the Tenderloin echoes vice and corruption and that slaughterhouses are constantly found to be in violation of the law and more. But now's the perfect time to put the city's past in the deep freeze. San Francisco is now renowned for some of the best vegan cuisine in the world, and the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal. If Tempeh doesn't excite you, how about Granola Flats or Seitan's Lair?

Go check out the entire letter over at SFist and have yourself a chuckle and the lunacy of American's most prominent animal rights organization.  Meanwhile, I'm going to join my vegetarian brethren in hiding under a rock while scratching my head as to how PETA couldn't figure out that maybe, just maybe the name “Granola Flats” would be completely fucking stupid for a town known for its hills and collective ridicule of Berkeley.

Also, sorry for the crappy map Photoshop job.   It's apparently difficult to find photos of PETA activists looking like Midwestern megachurch worshipers with their hands in the air and their eyes rolling back into their heads.  Who knew.

San Franciscans Have Far Too Much Time On Their Hands

I've seen my fair share of needlessly long and bitchy parking notes in my days in SF, but this note spotted by the Tenderloin Geographic Society really takes the cake.  Not only does this notemaker own a car and a color printer, suggesting they actually have a job that allows them to afford such niceties, but they also have a spare 45 minutes to write such a condescending rant before leaving the house.  You think we'd all have better things to do with our time than spend it on a stranger whom doesn't even bother to hang such literature on the refridgerator for friends and family to jest over for months to come, but rather discards it on the street for cars, pedristrians, and pigeons to beat into the ground until the internet has a chance to document it.

A waste, really.

Rad Lion With Bunny Ears Mural Covered Up By Nice Typography

Much like Gallery Heist's decision a few month's back to allow Gaia to paint over the famed 'Lazer Cat' mural on Divis, White Walls gallery and Wall Space gave the thumbs up to street artist Eine to paint over Gaia's rad Bunny/Lion mural on Polk.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not really complaining about the fact a mural was painted over; after all, that's the nature of street art and murals.  Plus, I am a fan of nice typography and giving Taco Bell a new slogan that doesn't involve thinking and comparing Mexican fast food to hamburgers.  However, considering Eine was given 27 places to paint in the city (up and down Mission Street, various spots in the TL, Octavia and Hayes, and the side of Valencia Cyclery), most of which were previously blank walls, you think they would have been down with leaving the hybrid animal masterpiece up for a bit longer.

[photo by Big Ed Mustapha]

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