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Freedom From Porn: Protesting Steve Jobs' Stance on Pornography on the iPad

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

San Franciscans will protest anything: a reader cued us in on the latest protest going on around Apple's WWDC today.  That's right, Freedom From Porn is went around SOMA this morning tagging Apple ads.  So now instead of seeing someone Facebook creeping some girl named Jessica, you now know Steve Jobs likes to share vids of gang bangs.  From their website:

Dear Steve,

You don't want people looking at vaginas on the tablet you named after a feminine hygiene product? Something smells fishy.

Sincerely,

Dudes who like porn

P.S. If you agree that porn is great, you should send your favorite vids to sjobs@apple.com

Dunno about this.  I know it's kind of lame he doesn't allow porn in the app store because Daddy Knows Best, but considering many companies are embracing HTML5, isn't this sort of moot?  Can't we access Adult Friend Finder already?  Wait, does anyone reading this blog know what HTML5 is?  FUCK.

Anyways, here's a safe-for-work video of the protestors in action:

Freedom From Porn from Freedom From Porn on Vimeo.

Do Mission Bars Need Their Own iPhone App?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm not 100% sure why this app exists with Yelp and what not, but if you're new to town or bad at filtering out the noise, someone made an app “Mission Bars.”  Because I don't understand iTunes, I cannot give you a link to the app.  Anyways, there are so many bars off the list, perhaps it is just editorializing which are the best?  Mission Bar, Make-Out Room, The Attic, Clooney's (the bar of 2010), Dovre Club, Zeitgeist (not that they need to be put on any more lists), El Trebol, the JayN' Bee Club and many others are all off the list.

That said, the brief descriptions of each bar are generally honest.  Unlikely everyone who denies Doc's Clock is a North Beach/Marina bar, they call out the obvious.  Oddly enough, they don't mention that Delirium is a coke bar.  Shrug.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Obligatory WWDC/iPhone 4 coverage: NOW WITH STEAMY VIDEO CHAT YALL!

— By Zach Perkins |

(Image via gdgt, caption via Gizmodo)

Yup, there's video chat …so long as your using WiFi and it's to another iPhone 4.  But hey, it's the thought that counts right?  Hopefully they'll quickly figure out how to make it work seamlessly between iPhone 4s and other Macs, then it will be at least kinda/sorta useful.  

Also, that sexy metallic band that runs around the edge of the redesigned body?  It's an extension of it's antenna.  That's hawt.  And sort of conceptually phallic now that I think about it…

This beast is also boasting multi-tasking as promised, a supped up battery, the iPad's A4 processor, four times the screen resolution of the 3GS, and an upgraded “back” camera they're comparing to “an old Lieca”.  (All info jacked directly from Gizmodo's live blogging of WWDC.) 

The iPhone 4 drops on June 24th, preorders start the 15th, at $199 for 16gb and $299 for 32gb.  Freak the fuck out, San Francisco.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Douchiest Car in SF

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Remember the time your parents were all proud of you and put the sticker of your college on the back of their Taurus but you were 'wicked embarrassed' because you graduated from Holyoke Community College?  Well, now this douchedad is gloating about where his little semen stains work.  Steve Jobs, you made a father proud.

(via tumbledore)

FOUND: The Bay Citizen's Upcoming Website

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

For those of you who don't masturbate to Bay Area blogs/journalism, let me quickly fill you in: The Bay Citizen is a non-profit project that some rich guy dumped $5,000,000 into with the goal of creating a solid Bay Area news source.  Of course, they hired a CEO for $400,000/year, which raised a lot of concerns and criticism.  Further, they pissed off some local journalists by not investing in pre-existing projects in favor of starting from scratch.  That said, print in this town sucks, SFist/SF Appeal/Mission Loc@l isn't for everyone, and we need good journalism.  AMIRIGHT?

Anyways, their site isn't supposed to launch until Wednesday but using our professional internet skills, we found it today.  To sum it up, it looks like a tame SF Appeal targeting people in Marin who pretend that SF is still part of their lives.  That said, there is almost NO content on their site.  In fact, the homepage is completely empty, so we cannot fully judge it hate.  Even most of their editor's profiles are blank.

I expect they are going to have a very tough time launching Wednesday.  The site is beyond buggy.  I was able to register for an account, but I couldn't edit my profile (white screen of death), there are broken images in the welcome email, many of the links don't work, there are no content RSS feeds, and their admin area isn't secure (it's going to be easy for anyone with a laptop to own this site).

ANYWAYS, Let's talk features:

This site heavily pushes user-generated content and participation.  They have an entire “community question and answer” section, prominent calls for users to suggest stories and submit tips, and they are even letting users start their own blogs on the Bay Citizen (rather than use their own site/platform, like Wordpress, Drupal or Tumblr).  No word yet if Bay Citizen bloggers will be paid the $25 per post that other Bay Area bloggers will be paid to repost their content on TBC.

Finally, they have some sort of twitter/facebook-like status update.  I don't see anywhere else on the site that this feature integrates into… maybe it is a way for contributors to tell the public about their Bushmill's hangover?

Anyways, there you have it people: THE BAY CITIZEN.  See y'all Wednesday!

SHOCKER: The Chronicle's New Foodie Website Tastes Like Shit

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The design looks like it is a hybrid of 1999 meets crappy 2006 web 2.0 standards, the RSS feed gives you a two sentence teaser (no photos even!) so you don’t even know if you want to read the post, the homepage is equally useless (for a blog, this is beyond weak), and the entire time you get the sense they are trying to drive pageviews, not content you want to read.

When Paolo quit Eater, I actually wondered if the Chronicle was going to create an Eater/Grubstreet/SFoodie killer.  Should have known better.  Is anyone actually going to read this?  Doubt it, considering there are countless SF foodie websites that are worth reading and, more importantly, easy on the eyes and RSS readers.  What a waste of writing talent.

(link)

iPhone stolen by urinating man during Bay to Breakers

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The day after b2b is always the best day on Missed Connections.  This particular one stuck out of the crowd.

Text in full incase you can’t read the crappy screencap:

Hey,

You were the dude that pissed underneath a house I was standing to yesterday at B2B. You came over and joined our group for a second and introduced yourself. I thought you were just being friendly putting your arm around me but considering you were actually taking my iPhone out of my pocket and stealing it, i’d really like it back. That wasn’t cool, dude. Seriously, look me up in the contacts. It will reset your douche Karma.

(link)

Humorless Business Nubs at Humphry Slocombe Still Blocking People For Following Jasper Slobrushe on Twitter

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Really?  Think they would have moved on?

Follows Jasper:

Doesn’t follow Jasper:

I guess they don’t want people’s business.  Not that I thought their ice cream was very good in the first place.  Weird for the sake of being weird, not for the sake of being good.  WHAT?!

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Crackpots Protest Your Right to Cellphone Service at Dolores Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Apparently a bunch of idiots are protesting putting a cellphone tower at 16th and Dolores claiming that “they are concerned about the potential long-term health risks from electromagnetic waves.”  Of course, the article goes ahead and points out that there is “no scientific consensus that cell towers can cause negative health effects.”

Sigh.

If you ever thing the neighborhood is being overrun by Silicon-valley nerds, think again.

(Story and photo ABC7)

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