— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
We're sure to see a hurricane of bonfire videos make landfall in the next day or so—and we welcome it—but this early taste from the SFC Podcast kids is destined to be among the best.
— By Alan Fineberg |
We did it
We won
We're World Champs
Somehow, we pulled through to put Detroit in its rightful place
We celebrated in an alternative fashion
We blogged it, live
We brought out our hummers and paraded down the street
Even our custodial crew got in on the fun
We popped bottles
We destroyed an Uber cab
We lived, we laughed, we loved.
And that's it, friends. We've done it all, we've lived it all. If I had the strength, I'd cry. I bid you all goodbye, and so farewell.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Given that Pablo's a man of the people, owns slaves, and his liberal stance on the redistribution of baseballs to the bleachers, it seems like this Capp Street fence is hip to the winning ticket.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
This Giants mural would be oh-so-much-better if under the hood of a Ford, but we'll take it.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
— By Alissa |
We here at Uptown Almanac have been experiencing a lot of sports feelings lately. First we got a submission letting us know that the Giants really came from behind (hehe!) to beat the Reds in the NLDS and our ears totally perked up because maybe baseball was going to become a thing again this year like it was in 2010 before we moved here. Then they advanced to the NLCS so we headed out to Bender's during games 5 and 6 to complain about how they didn't have the big screen down. And now we've finally made it to the World Series. The next week is going to be fucking magical. You're going to get out of work 30 minutes early tomorrow and Thursday to “watch the game”, Dolores is going to be totally empty, and you're finally going to have something to talk to girls about at the bar.
This is an arousing and confusing time for all of us as we're slowly overtaken by hivemind excitement over the world's most confusing sport. We've compiled this handy how-to guide to help you enjoy the World Series even if you've ignored the 162 games that preceded it!
1. Hit Thrift Town and Community Thrift ASAP for well-weathered Giants gear so everyone will know that you're an OG Giants fan. (I mean, technically you're from Concord but it's basically the same thing). If they're all out, douse some new Giants gear in bleach and attack it with pruning shears. Good to go!
2. Instagram anything that's orange and black with the hashtag #gogiants. Can't find anything orange and black? Kelvin filter that shit.
3. Unsure what to tweet during the game? Tweet the last name of whoever's batting at the moment, in all caps.
4. Unsure when to cheer? Go for a “strong but silent” vibe and just nod your head like you're at a rap concert.
5. Find a bar that's airing the World Series 'ironically'. Try Amnesia, Revolution Cafe, or the Napper Tandy.
6. Be critical—it's a great way to sound like you know what you're talking about. Demand to know why Bochy isn't putting Wilson in during the third inning. Every home run is a bad call. Throw a fit during the national anthem; who even knows the words anyway?
7. The bottom of every inning is known as a “rally”. Flip your baseball cap inside out and do a shot. Trust me on this.
8. Stockpile old mattresses, couches, Razr phones, fireworks and gasoline. Combine in the event of a World Series win/loss.
9. Ignore it. You're way too cool for professional sports.
BONUS TIPS
Many Giants players come from other countries. Weirdsies! Here's a helpful last name pronounciation guide to help you yell at the television more effectively:
Angel Pagan: Hilarious on paper, but it's actually pronounced more like “pecan.”
Buster Posey: Pocket full of …
Marco Scutaro: Scoot-a-row (Free tweet: “Scutaro scoots into first! Fuck yea! #gogiants.” You're welcome)
Barry Zito: Trick question - his name is not pronounced out loud. A simple eye-roll will do.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Despite the ill-timed rain and generally garbage New York weather, Mission Street threw down with hours of horn-honking, flag-waiving, high-fiving screaming tonight. Perhaps just a taste of the action we saw in 2010, but celebratory mood was nothing short of contagious. There were even a few SFPD riot cops out there blocking traffic and celebrating the victory!
Of course, there was one grumpy officer—who was forced to ride his undeniably sick hog in the rain—that issued stern warnings to motorists honking their horns…
…but fuck that guy. Go Giants!
(Oh, and if you really want to get into the vibe, here's 20 minutes of audio from 24th and Mission:)
Mission St After Giants Win NLCS at 24th & Mission by knorby
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Somehow we missed this killer performance by Weezy during yesterday's game (or worse, FOX was too busy airing another 30 second Men's Warehouse spot curiously featuring men with neck tattoos donning business suits, thus depriving millions of Americans the delight of witnessing this live), but here it is.
[via Isaac Fitzgerald]
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
When I first saw these two guys chillin' in Fabric8's parklet watching game 6, my gut reaction was “of course someone's watching the Giants in a parklet” and started uncontrollably foaming at the mouth with shitty hipster jokes. But, really, these guys have it all figured out. Comfy bean bags, a heat lamp keeping them warm, reclaimed wood everywhere, easy bike parking… it's really the idyllic venue for baseball. Plus, given how this torrential rainmageddon situation is playing out, the parklet should give you primo access to tonight street-side celebrations.
