Sports

Mission Burger to Return in the New 17th Street Bowling Alley (!!!)

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Tablehooper brings us news of the latest developments surrounding the new Mission Bowling Club:

It’s going to be called the MISSION BOWLING CLUB, and is opening in spring 2012 at 3176 17th Street, near South Van Ness. And here’s who is going into the restaurant portion of the project: Anthony Myint (behind Mission Street Food, Mission Burger, Mission Chinese Food, and Commonwealth). His menu will feature the Mission Burger (you remember that bad boy from the Duc Loi supermarket?) and other “technique-driven comfort food.” And true to Myint’s form, a portion of sales will go to local youth-related charities.

[…]There will also be a sunny outdoor patio and covered bicycle parking. Hours will be Mon-Fri 5pm-2am, Sat-Sun 12pm-2am. (Family bowl will be from 12pm-7pm on weekends; 21+ on weekdays.

For those of you who don't know, Mission Burger was the insane burger shop inside Duc Loi that made one of the best vegan burgers I ever ate. The ketchup was served in individual packets stolen from McDonald's.  The fries were greasy.  It was the jam.  But despite the hype, the burger stand never made it: they ditched their signature vegan burger after a few months for various reasons and then shut down entirely a few months after that.

But now I get to bowl, eat vegan burgers, drink beer, hang out on an outdoor patio, and not have to deal with kids under the age of 21?  Is it 2012 yet?

[Tablehopper]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

The Brovasion of Dolores Park Continues

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Man, watching these guys play beer pong sure was weird.  Felt a lot like spotting wildlife in the middle of a mall parking lot: on one hand, I enjoy a nice deer sighting; on the other, why the fuck is the deer eating cigarette butts marinated in gasoline?

It wasn't the beer pong in the park that was troubling, nor was it the improper use of a straw hat or the guy wearing his shirt as a turban.  Like my concern for the deer trying to make a new life for itself in field of concrete, I'm worried about the cause of these unexpected migratory patterns. Did someone clear cut UCSB?  Are developers bulldozing 'the forest' at Union and Buchanan to build a new Panera Bread?  Is there anything we can do to stop this wanton habitat destruction before it's too late?

For the sake of these displaced creatures, I hope they can evolve to digest burritos and marijuana.

The Freak is Back

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

April is right around the corner, so you know what that means: it's motherfucking baseball-related graffiti season.  As you can see, 24th and Bryant is itchy for Opening Day and has already busted out the fine arts degree, x-acto knife, and wheatpaste.  Presumably, we can look forward to months of “FEAR THE BEARD” scrawled on walls, portraits of Lincecum pasted along Valencia, tribute murals painted on previously blank surfaces, and orange and black everything, leading up to everyone lighting the Mission on fire come November.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Six-Lane Bowling Alley Coming to the Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Today Grubstreet smacked down the rumors that Brooklyn Bowl was considering a move to Mission Street, getting word from BB's spokesman that the gossip was fantasy spurred from a conversation with a Mission building owner.  However, just as our dreams of being able to bowl during the Dolores renovations were crushed, Tablehopper brought affirmative news that Mini Bar owners have secured an undisclosed space in the Mission with enough room for a bar, open kitchen, lounge, and six lanes:

[Mini Bar co-owner Sommer Peterson] explains the food concept they’re looking for: “Take the tired and bad-for-you bowling concession-style food and turn it on its head with quality ingredients and healthy options.” The design will be comfortable (no 60s kitsch) with warm furnishings and plush seating at the lanes. There will be a sunny outdoor patio for dining, which will also provide a generous area of covered bike parking. With only six lanes, the owners look forward to being a personal neighborhood business. They hope to launch in early Spring 2012.

Fuck ya!  Someone fill that concession stand with organic deep-fried onion rings and seitan fish and chips!

Tablehopper also has a floor plan for the new bowling alley, so be sure to check that out.

How To Beard Yourself Like Brian Wilson

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I recognize this is all sorts of Laughing Squid bait, but this particular graphic is not only funny, but McSweeney's is selling an 11”x17” print of this bad boy for a mere $8 so you can hang it “next to your bathroom mirror.”  I presume they want you to hang it there as a reminder not to shave your face, not so you have something to distract yourself while you sit in your bathroom crying about how you've let yourself go over the years.

[via Ice Tubes (which you should just be reading at this point)]

Machotaildrop: The Trippiest Skateboarding Movie You'll Ever Watch

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you love drug-induced fantasy and skateboarding as much as I do, make your way to the Roxie Friday night for SF Indiefest's screening of Machotaildrop.  The Willy Wonka-esque film has been summarized by its writer as a “fantastical and farcical journey of a young boy trying to live out his dreams as a professional skateboarder.”  While that sounds nice and all, the film is more of a dark criticism of the skateboard industry that is focused on marketing and profits than the sport itself.  Not that we didn't know that sports industries are fucked already, but this criticism involves horses in mansions and matching shirts.  Besides, the film was written during a 7 day drug binge in a cabin in British Columbia by then-unknown professional dishwasher Corey Adams, so you know it's worth a least a peak.

Grab tickets at SF Indiefest or read the bizarre interview with director Corey Adams over at Fecal Face.

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