Let's ignore the startling drawing above for a second and focus on the latest form The Bold Italic.  Today they bring us a guide to being a cougar in the Mission (although they try to rename “cougar” as “sabertooth,” as sabertooth tigers are more badass than cougars or something).  First, let's get in the cougar mindset:

There’s a taboo to the term cougar, much like the played out “hipster” tag. No one actually wants to be called one, myself included. However, I am 36 and dating guys a decade younger.

Let me point out, I have nothing against guys my age, and I don't rule them out. But it’s funny (as they say) that as I get older, the dudes I’m dating stay the same age. I’m drawn to the hallmarks of these 20-somethings – the sound of skateboard wheels coming down the street, the sight of postgrads paying for their coffee with quarters. I don’t need a financially secure, established guy. I need adventure!

So where do “sabertooths” go to pick up a fresh, fine Mission bro?  Guerrero Gallery (for the arty/Mike Giant-obsessed types), Pop's (where a communal love of Black Sabbath will get you a date), and the Phone Booth, where you can use the jukebox to accurately determine if a guy wearing a “vintage western shirt and holding a beer koozie” is a suitable mate.

Men in search of older women who like adventure and were in high school during Loma Prieta, you know where to go.

Now, let's focus on the handy guide to Mission guys provided by The Bold Italic.  Their rendition of a “skater boi”?  Fuck it, I don't even want to go there…

(link)

Laughing is a way better drug than whatever you're railing.

The San Francisco comedy scene is small and tight. A couple of times a year it expands, welcoming some special guests [obvious vagina references removed by editor.] Kicked off on the 13th, the month long San Francisco Sketchfest is happening right now. It is a golden opportunity to go laugh at something other than your drunken friends' failed triple piggy back ride.

You can checkout the full schedule right here, but a couple of shows that I can recommend:

1/17 - 10 Year Reunion Show w/ Kasper Hauser
1/19 - Kasper Hauser: Time Machine
1/20-1/23 - Mike Birbiglia
1/20 - RiffTrax Presents Night of the Shorts
1/21 - WTF with Marc Maron
1/22 - The Sound of Young America Live
1/29 - Whose Live Anyway (for those of you who like safe comedy)

And if you you're in the Mission, the Dark Room has shows every Thursday thru Sunday as part of the fest. They're small, intimate shows like a baptismal or lap dance.

Sketch comedy isn't just for personal enjoyment, either. It provides a service to the community. For example, The Midnight Show out of LA has a practical solution for your pet related fears:

So, stop being boring and go see some live comedy. It's festivals like these that make SF feel like a big boy city. Your $1 PBRs will still be at the bar when you're done.

OKCupid, the free online dating service you say you've never heard of but that I saw your profile on, released some cool data the other day. That's right, cool data. It's learning time. 

Basically they looked at which girls on the site got the most messages from guys. Turns out being a prim & proper, traditionally beautiful girl won't get you hit on as much as being unkempt and tattooed.

See, hipster fashion is polarizing, even amongst hipster guys. Some dudes like bangs and vintage dresses, some like neon v-necks and hightops, and some like black leather and chunks of metal in a lady's face.

Girls with this effect on men — the ones some guys thought were really hot and others thought were too strange, the ones who got lots of 5's and 1's on a 5 star attractiveness rating system, received many more messages than mainstream girls who were consistently rated a cute 4 out of 5 stars by most men.

AKA hipster chicks that guys have a wide range of opinions on get more attention than sorority girls who everyone thinks are attractive.

The reason is that guys see kooky hipster girl and think, “I'm probably the only person who digs her. There's less competition so I have a better shot. I'll go talk to/message her.” Meanwhile, guys see a barbie doll and think, “She probably gets hit on non-stop. There's no way she'd like me more than the other guys. I'm better off not even trying.” 

Yeah, there's a bunch of confounding variables including the fact that the beefcake pretty boys who would message sorority girls are too busy gym/tan/laundry'ing to use dating websites. 

Still, this is a win for self-expression and alternative fashion. I've definitely been following this behavior pattern my whole life. Women should take this as free license to do whatever they damn well please with their appearance.

Will these findings usher in a migration of Marina girls to the Mission? Guys, have you always subconsciously gravitated towards “different” girls? Ladies, can you confirm this theory or call shenanigans on it? 'Cause I'm not seeing too many shenanigans.

[Note: This post is not meant to objectify women. I'm a respectful appreciator, so please don't grab your pitchforks and torches.]

Reader Neb sends us his take on Oakland Zoo's holiday light show:

Dating a girl who lives outside the Mission has its perks, such as having access to a car and getting driven places.  However, this past weekend we were a little too optimistic and ventured to the Oakland Zoo for the ZooLights Holiday Light Show, after saving a whopping four bucks off the $7.50 tickets from Groupon.

On a Saturday night, we were the only 20-somethings by 10+/- years and were surrounded by long lines of double-wide strollers. After a romantic couple’s photo on Santa’s lap for $5, we decided to warm our hearts and hands with hot chocolates. The scalding hot beverages didn't include straws or lids making for an exciting situation with kids running all around in the dark. Having done the loop around the park admiring outlines of giraffes, crocodiles, and tigers in holiday lights, it was on to the famed Lightshow.

Watch the bootleg clip for yourself, but the plot was basically a Girl Talk show for kids with flashing candy cane and animal lights.  PROTIP: go high.