Politics

Ever since that silly playground opened a month ago, there seems to be a real effort to "clean up" the park.  It's been alleged, repeatedly, that SFPD has been trying to make gay sunbathers feel uncomfortable.  Then SFPD came after people who really need to pee.  And someone managed to rouse our city-sanctioned thugs into busting Cold Beer, Cold Water n' crew.

But that wasn't enough.  Oh no.  Now the neighborhood's population of persnickety parents wants to fence off the playground to keep their little 30 pound disasters shelthered from the savage realities of the outside world:

Some parents have said they are concerned that the recently opened Helen Diller playground in Dolores Park lacks a fence to keep out dogs, which can scare, chase or hurt their children.

Andre Kellerman, a neighbor who lives opposite the park, said she recently saw a pit bull wandering in the playground.

“It was just running aimlessly through the playground and it knocked down a toddler as it went though,” she said [...]

Jana Thompson, another neighbor living close to Dolores Park, also saw the incident. To her, it feels as though “dogs have taken precedence over kids” in Dolores Park. Several neighbors have written to both the San Francisco Recreation and Park Department and district Supervisor Scott Wiener.

Ugh.  UGH.  UUUGGGGHHHHHHH.

To Scott Wiener's credit, he thinks the people crying for a border fence are 'fucking dumb' (or, to quote, "The playground, he said, is 'an asset to the park,' and 'radically changing its design' would be inappropriate.")  However, Dolores Park's manager wants to "keep the option to put up a fence" and quasi-community organization Dolores Park Works thinks a small fence "may be a good idea."

And, sure, the fence "may be a good idea," but it would cost money and divide the park and make throwing big events more difficult and generally suck.  Instead, why not enact a city ordinance mandating that parents leash their children so our beloved pups can run around without fear of bumping into some unattended biped?

So vote for me this November 6th.  For the unleashed children.

[Mission Local | Photo by Niall Kennedy]

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• COLD BEER COLD WATER ARRESTED
• Police No Longer Down With People Peeing Openly in Dolores Park

Readers of Uptown Almanac, distinguished guests, and fellow San Franciscans:

Today, I went to Dolores Park and welcomed the sight of hunky Jesuses. Together with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, they offered a  proud salute to the holiday under which more than a million of our fellow citizens observe - and several thousands instead celebrate in the park in blasphemous fashion.

At a time when too many sunbathers' pants legs stay rolled down and shirts scrunched up, Hunky Jesuses exceeded all expectations.

Imagine what we could accomplish if we followed their example. Think about the San Francisco within our reach: A city that leads the world in roasting sacred cows. A city that is truly free, and a city that once again sunbathes in Dolores Park with gusto and aplomb.

We can do this. I know we can, because we've done it before. At the end of World War II, when another generation of  hedonists returned home from combat, they achieved some of the best tans the world has ever known. My grandfather was named Mr. March at a time when male pinup calendars were sold in hushed tones and whispers. My grandmother, who worked indoors, was part of a workforce that later mastered some of the best sunbathing since ancient Egypt.

The two of them shared the optimism of a City that had triumphed over fog and clothing. They understood they were part of something larger; that they were contributing to a story of success that every San Franciscan had a chance to share - the basic San Francisco promise that if you disregarded hard work, you could still do well enough to get tan, rent a crumbling studio, write a blog, and put a little away for beer.

The defining issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive. No challenge is more urgent. No debate is more important. We can either settle for a city where a shrinking number of people get very tan, while a growing number of San Franciscans barely disrobe in the sun. Or we can restore a PMA where everyone strips down, lies in the sun, and is evenly warmed by rays of vitamin D with nary a care in the world. What's at stake are not Hedonistic values or Traditional values, but San Francisco values. We have to reclaim them.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless San Francisco.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• A Black and White History of Dolores Park

I don't have much love for Rob Anderson (of District 5 Diary fame). He shits on pretty much everything progressive. His whining and lawsuits are the reason the city couldn't move forward with improving bicycle infrastructure for years.  He is, without an ounce of hyperbole or irony, every NIMBY and SF Gate commenter rolled into one smelly, saggy, senior citizen-y bag of festering feces.

However, Robbie Andie has recently become the unlikely defender of one Ross Mirkarimi, the embattled progressive sheriff accused of beating his wife and recipient of constant condemnation from a bored San Francisco media community hellbent on judging a man prior to his trial.  And, as much as I want to kick Robbie down an endless flight of stairs, his defense of Ross is completely spot on.

See, it's in vogue to call for Ross to step down from his position as sheriff, even though he hasn't been convicted of any crime and ex-lovers of his have come out to say Ross raising a hand on someone is completely out of character (“I was shocked when I read about it,” Evelyn Nieves, a journalist and a past partner of Mirkarimi’s, said in an e-mail. “Ross and I were together for the better part of a decade — eight years or so — and never once did he even come close to being physical during an argument. It’s just not his way,” Nieves added. “He was way more prone to proposing that disagreements be talked out.")  His wife even denies it happened.  But who cares about all that! The centrist gang of thugs that controls the bully pulpit of media and politics in this town want his fucking head, and they want it now.

Back to Robbie.  He, like every other sensible person, knows this media mob justice stinks, and he's (rightfully) taking the "journalists" behind it to task.  Observe:

Carly Schwartz is "editor of Huffington Post San Francisco." I get their "San Francisco alerts," like the daily links I get from BeyondChron, Streetsblog, etc., but there's rarely anything of interest or worth a comment.

Until the other day, with Schwartz's dumb, lemming-like piece on Ross Mirkarimi. Schwartz has nothing new or interesting to say on the matter, but she just wanted everyone in SF to know that she too is piling on Mirkarimi.

Schwartz begins by trying to establish her credibility as a San Francisco progressive:

As a longtime resident of the Haight, I've been a fan of Mirkarimi, my progressive former District 5 Supervisor, for ages. The gregarious politico champions causes like marijuana legalization and equal rights for homeless people; issues near and dear to my heart.

If those issues were really "near and dear" to Schwartz, she would know that Mirkarimi has had little to do or even say about homelessness in his years as District 5 Supervisor. Is she referring to his opposition to the sit-lie law? Hard to say, but it's apparently just pro-forma bullshit, a failed attempt to demonstrate some kind of political credibility. And, except for carrying the legislation to regulate the city's pot clubs back in 2005, the pot issue hasn't been particularly important for Mirkarimi or anyone else in San Francisco, where it's not controversial.

Okay, I know you're waiting for the good stuff, and here it is:

And now, sadly, I count myself among the ranks of San Franciscans who believe the time has come for our sheriff to step aside. At least until this whole mess resolves itself...Local and national commentators weren't shy with their opinions, and the chorus of cries for Mirkarimi's resignation grew louder and louder until it completely drowned out his steadfast claims of innocence.

Oh, yes, it's so sad to join the mob. Why not wait until the "mess resolves itself," that is, until the man has had his day in court? That's not a question political lemmings often ask themselves. Schwartz knows which way the wind is blowing here in Progressive Land, where Mirkarimi is facing stiff headwinds.

And there you go. Why rush the political judgment before the criminal judgment? This "mess" is obviously being highly politicized, quite disingenuously, by cynical people desperate to find a reason to overturn the election.

Of course elected officials should set the best moral and ethical example for our society, and if Ross did in fact beat his wife, he should burn in the hell of political and societal irrelevancy for the rest of his life.  But we should judge the man on the facts and not on the speculation spread by the media, and we won't know the real facts until Carly Schwartz, C.W. Nevius, and their kangaroo court go away and Ross can face a real judge and jury.

So Ross, please don't step down.  You deserve your day in court.

While on the subject of art in forgettable East Bay cities, allow me to share one of my favorite aerosol scrawls of 2011.

[Photo by Hern Berferd]