Humor

Local News Catches On To "La Lengua"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ever since Google Maps added “La Lengua” to their map, the old folk's media has been giving the 'new microhood' a lot of press.  The coverage reached a fever pitch yesterday when CBS 5 sent a fashionable reporter to the corner of Mission and Valencia to tell Latino's that they were in “La Lengua,” make a bunch of tongue puns, and to eat a tongue burrito at the popular “Taqueria Can-Can.”  Give it a watch.

Want to See Lady Comedians Wearing in Prom Dresses Telling Jokes in a Laundromat?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Editor's note: this is not a lady comedian.

If so, make your way to Brainwash Cafe/Laundromat on Folsom @ 7th tomorrow (Wednesday) at 8pm for a prom-themed open mic night.  Lydia fills us in on the details:

I wanted to alert you of a very exciting upcoming event in SF Comedy. The Ladies Room, an all female comedy night hosted by Kristee Ono is holding the first ever PROMEDY. It's a prom. It's comedy. It's PROMEDY. All comics will dress to the nines and perform at the Brainwash. A king and queen will be crowned. Someone may or may not get “Carried.” It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Ladies Night at the Brainwash is home to some of SF's favorite lady comics like Caitlin Gil, Janine Brito, Emily Heller, Kristee Ono, Colleen Watson, Mimi Vilmenay, Chris Burns, Morgan, Natasha Muse, Melanie O'Brien, Lydia Popovich, Claire O'Kane and hella more.

Despite the fact it feels a little creepy to go to my first prom at the age of 26, I do love comedy and I need to wash my whites.  See ya there!

[Facebook]

Taiwanese News's Take on the Twitter Tax Break

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Mayor Moustache getting on his knees and begging Twitter to stay in SF, Biz Stone worried about getting mugged on his way to work, a cowboy on fire, Twitter climbing the ladder to Heaven and high-fiving tax evading companies like Google and GE, and vegan food?  This clip has it all.

Hulking Creature To Perform Stand-up Comedy

— By Jon Skulski |

Terrific beast has learned English, humor!

Mother Nature dealt comedian Brian Posehn a difficult hand with his decidedly uncharasmatic exterior. He's lurching, frightening and has a penchant for all nerdly things. But like a true rock star, he said 'fuck it'. Posehn owned his gigantly, disproportionate mass and used it to gain fame, fortune and a human wife. Posehn has become one of the more innovative standups working today, born out of the humor soup of Mr. Show which launched the careers of David Cross, Patton Oswalt, and Sarah Silverman.

Brian Posehn will be performing at Cobb's Comedy Thursday through Sunday. Two drink minimum. Tip your waitresses.

Kong: The Jungle King will be opening with his wacky take on human foibles

Shit Too $hort Says

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Hater Tuesday made it out to the Too $hort show last weekend at Yoshi's and documented the shit he said on stage, proving once and for all why a Too $hort show is better than any indie rock concert you'll ever go to:

  • “How you gonna be broke when you got a pussy?”
  • “What the fuck were ya’ll doin in ’89? Most ya’ll in here were in 3rd grade listenin’ to Too $hort. You wanna know what I was doin’ in ’89? I was a grown ass man. I had a drop top Cadillac, a big ass cellphone, big ropes danglin’ from my neck …driving cross the Bay Bridge gettin’ my dick sucked.”
  • “Square bitches shut the fuck up!”
  • “They told me to stop taking weed from the white people in the crowd.”
  • “There is a girl in the front row right here… I just want to fuck her face. Girl, I feel like my dick and your face have a connection.”
  • “I be fuckin’ aunties. It used to be baby sisters, now it’s aunties. I’m 45….nigga been around. Ya’ll laugh but I’m telling you, Too $hort fucked your auntie….And some mammas. Investigate. Find out ask some aunties. Don’t be surprised when they like, “How you know I fucked $hort?”

Be sure to read the whole thing to find out his opinions on having sex with grandmothers.

[Hater Tuesday | Photo by Troy Holden]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pages