Drugs

Amazing Shit Everywhere

Just three gems I discovered while trying to take care of shit on the internet today.

1) How to/How not to take passport photos, a pictorial instruction from the Bureau of Consular Affairs. I want to meet both of these people just so I can shake their hands. Also, what if that dude's head and neck just looked like that? Hella racist, passport office.

 

2) Yo, Oxi Fresh has the best company name and a fake phone number. Also, that lady loves her clean carpet!

3) Finally, the California DMV knows you were a total nerd burger in highschool:

 

And so concludes our tour of the glorious internet! Thank you and goodnight! (I know it's 2 pm, I keep odd hours.)

Only in San Francisco Does Your Drug Dealer Have a Daily Deals iPhone App

There I was taking a Sunday stroll to my dealer's house when I had the bright idea to peruse the App Store for an app that would save myself 79 cents on a dime bag.  Turns out my impulse wasn't so absurd: Mission Street's Medithrive actually has an app for that.  Now I can load up my phone from Zeitgeist's patio and know that a joint costs $17 bucks and I can save 5% on today's hash purchases.

Perhaps more exciting than the existence of a Groupon-clone for weed is the promise of “mobile ordering” coming to their app.  Soon you'll be able to call TCB Courier, have them deliver a Rhea's sandwich and a 12-pack of whatever-the-fuck, all while you order pot on your mobile and “legally” download a bunch of 90's Kevin Smith movies.  This is the future, people.

Sign of the Apocalypse #87: Deranged Warlock Assassin Spotted Canoodling with Exotic Cat at Ocean Beach

Much like spotting an image of the Virgin Mary in your moldy toast, THIS MEANS SOMETHING.  (via Ocean Beach Bulletin)

Sometime over the last few weeks, an image of the-oh-so-deluded-and-egotistical-one riding a tiger that he may or may not milk for blood, appeared at Ocean Beach.  This sign presumably signals his impending arrival in late April, during which he will attempt to rob you of your money in exchange for listening to him ramble about nothing and chain smoke for 2 hours; and all during an event named after something overwhelmingly phallic and abbrasive.  

That is if he even shows up, which I'm hoping he doesn't; I left LA almost as fast as I got there for a reason.

Where Is The Fucking J?

This guy “DOS” went on a rampage around Mission Dolores, spraying a giant bird on the side of the DP bathrooms and outside of Mission Pool, some faces along the sidewalk of Dolores and Guerrero, and a giant character party underneath the DP footbridge.  Not exactly the most talented individual in the world, but his horned housefly sporting a dress shirt and tie sure is
special.

Remember You Are Awake

Came across this madness pasted over a billboard on Valencia and 22nd by some anonymous artist.  Not sure why the hairy raisin is scratching its head, the mutant frog is doing jazz hands, and mushroom tops with human feet are jumping up and down, but I sure wish I knew who the artist's dealer is.  And as some sticker vandal wrote next to these pieces, “look at all these beautiful shades of grey.”  Word.

[Take a closer look at the work over at bhautik joshi's photostream]

SF Cool Kids' Next Stop: Artisan Cigarettes?

As we are all fully aware by now, SFgate is pretty much the cutting edge news source for anything big in the hipster community.  That's why unsurprisingly, they are the first ones to announce the next hipster craze: homegrown cigarettes.  From a breaking New York Times story that Brooklyn exsists about homegrown tobacco plants in Brooklyn, the Chronicle predicts that soon, San Francisco's American Spirit hipster smoking population will turn to growing our very own tobacco plants, under the guise of “rebelling against mainstream values.”  

Those whacky hipsters will do anything to be green and cutting edge! Actually, if you read the process that the retired police officer from Brooklyn (read: not a hipster, despite her rad flannel) uses to harvest her tobacco, you'd realize the process is long and tedious, much like dying of lung cancer:

She has to plant virtually microscopic seeds in trays indoors and then, weeks later, transplant them to buckets outside.  She waters the plants daily until they grow to be about five feet tall, with big leaves that droop from the stem.  “Like elephant ears,” Ms. Silk said of the leaves.  “That's why when people joke around and say, 'They're going to think you're growing pot,' I'm like: 'I'm sorry. There's no one mistaking this for pot.”

So, should NIMBYs get worried that giant elephant tobacco leaves are going to start taking over our community gardens?  I doubt it, there's way too much work involved to slowly kill yourself with these.

7x7's SanFranlandia can SanFranBlowMe

OMG WHAT? 7x7 has a post up calling for submissions for SanFranlandia, which is their way of ripping off Portlandia and making me want to murder them all at once! 

This comment from some delightful person named “fat wanda” who needs to be my bff is right on:

Really, 7x7? How about a parody of the Marina? Or the FiDi? Or culture that you're actually part of? Because that MIGHT be funny? Maybe?

You're not vegan, you're not bike culture, you don't know these people, and so you're attempts are just lame and embarrassing.

Exactly! You can't make fun of veganism, buying local, composting, backyard bee keeping, brewing kombucha in a bathtub, and plaid shirted bro's who look they're about to go prospect for gold because that's not who YOU are. There are plenty of websites and blogs that can and already do it better than you ever could. So, knock it off. 

You're the pretty girl. You're like Natalie Portman complaining that women aren't allowed to be beautiful and funny*. No, lady, it's just that you are not funny. Know who you are! Shit, funny women aren't cast all the time because they're not pretty, why not help get them roles**? Kristen Schaall should be in everything, and there are a million more like her. Anyway, tangent. Point is: embrace who you are, 7x7, and run more stories about sample sales and recipes for trampatini's. Or, if you want to parody something, why not all the boots on Chesnut street? That's something you know a lot about.

Annnnd: One more time, in case you forget, THIS IS YOU:

    

*And you know her idea of funny is like, a beautiful woman farting on a date. HILARIOUS. 

**Shit, bring them some rolls too, they probably hungry! Not working and shit because they're not pretty. I mean, JESUS.

'Mommy PI' Boss arrested with Contra Costa's Top Narc for (shocker) ... selling drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

Note: At the request of a company associated with the show, this post was temporarily removed and edited. 

Butler, alleged drug kingpin and your mom's boss, on ABC 7 with his 'PI Mommies'

Earlier today, CBS 5 broke the story that Norman Wielsch, the “high-profile commander for the Central Contra Costa Narcotics Enforcement Team,”  was arrested today for “distributing for sales methamphetamine, marijuana and steroids.” Ok. Whatever. Yet another re-hash of the crooked narc cop selling dope on the side, big deal. Totes ironic. But then there was this gem…

Wielsch was arrested without incident along with 49-year-old Christopher Butler of Concord, Gregory said. Like Wielsch, Butler is also facing several felony counts related to the selling of methamphetamines, marijuana and steroids.

If that second name rings a bell to you, it should. Christopher Butler is the owner and lead investigator of Butler & Associates Private Investigations, a Concord based PI firm [As 2/15/11 their website has been taken down] that has received a lot of attention over the last year.  Dubbed the 'Mommy PI Agency' by the media, Butler gained noteriety in local and national press for his 'Charlie's Angels' team of middle aged, soccer mom-looking decoys and PIs.

Over the last year the PR machine has been churning almost non-stop for Butler and his 'Angels'. From local TV appearances on ABC 7's View From the Bay, to national coverage on NBC's Today Show; three of the PIs even did a glamour spread in People Magazine in March, 2010. The attention seemed to work.  

In approximently March of 2010, a TV production company began production on a reality series. Whether PI Moms of San Francisco (no really, that's the title) was greenlit for either a pilot or a full series order remains unclear, as the network has yet to begin their own PR cycle. That's usually a pretty bad sign for a show that was rumored to begin airing in March, 2011. Butler's own arrest probably isn't going to help much either…  

Butler, an ex-cop himself, is spending the night in jail with Norman Wielsch. Ironically, Butler & Associates operates online under the URL Uncover-Truth.com. Now that the truth behind this media crazy ex-cop and local Private Eye is coming out, I don't find myself asking 'did he do it?'; I honestly don't give a shit.  All I really want to know is if the 'Mommy PIs' were involved in any of the alleged drug dealings.  CROOKED DRUG DEALING PI Moms of San Francisco, now that's a show I would watch…

UPDATE: The Chronicle just put two and two together and chimmed in.  Butler and Wielsch had served as police officers in Antioch together. In addition to their alleged conspiracy to distribute, the Chronicle is reporting the following charges being levied:

The two men were booked on suspicion of conspiracy, embezzlement, burglary, and possession and transportation of controlled substances. Wielsch is being held in lieu of $660,000 bail. Butler's bail was set at $840,000.

Butler featured with his 'PI Moms' in People Magazine

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