Dolores Park

Heart-Shaped Balloon Kite Flies Over Dolores

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Sure, this homemade balloon-kite was a nice way to remind us that it's actually Valentine's Day Weekend and not the middle of Summer, but the best part about it was that it was almost as fun to watch as shape-shifting clouds.  First it was a heart, then a pair of safety scissors (pictured).  Parralleling Dolores St, it looked like a giant hawk swooping in to kill us all.  But eventually it lost a few balloons in the in the upper-left making it a broken heart, at which point the person holding the string gave up and let it fly off into the Bay.

UPDATE: Friend of Out of Control Dog Speaks Out

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A friend of last weekend's out of control Boston Terrier that left Dolores Park shattered fills us in on the dog's personality:

I work with this dog at Murder, Inc. He is the cold-bloodedest killer of all my colleagues. His name Falkor. Like from The Neverending Story, but the story he will tell trick bitches on his turf is The Neverending Critical Beatdown. Ferocious.

Also, Re: the headline, let me assure you he was in complete control the whole time and if he appeared out of control, it is because that's what he wanted you to think. Falkor specialize in psychologistical mind freaking.

Somebody better call animal control.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Cold Beer, Huge Profits

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

On Saturday I was fortunate enough to run into Dolores Park hero and San Francisco's best dressed businessman “Cold Beer, Cold Water” at the corner of 19th and Guerreo refilling his cooler with three cases of PBR.  While there isn't anything inherently notable about spotting a crazy person holding beer and throwing trash on the sidewalk, by the time I was done fetching some food and booze from Rhea's, 20 minutes had passed he was already back resuppling. 

Now, I'm not advocating trying to solve complicated math problems while at Dolores, but considering he sells a case of beer for $30 bucks (2 cans for $5), this dude is turning a profit of $60 every 20 minutes.  Sure, sales are probably not always that great, but on weekends like we just had, he can easily rake in over $700 in a 4 hours thanks to our collective laziness.

So, a tip of the hat to you, CBCW.  You took people being too lazy to walk a block for beer and made it into a printing press.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Out of Control Dog Rattles Dolores Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In the wee hours of Super Bowl Sunday (read: 12:30pm), a panic broke out in the Dolores Park dog run by the women's bathroom.  As barking and growling errupted from the water fountain, an irate white woman came running across the park screaming her head off, “YOUR DOG IS OUT OF CONTROL.”  More words were yelled by more people.  Children were instructed to cover their ears.  One man tried to sell the group weed cookies.  But before you could even pull out your wallet to place your bets, two squad cars and an animal control van rolled up to handle the situation.

What breed of beast could be responsible for such a massive response from SFPD?  An agressive pit bull who bears its teeth at children when it isn't busy savaging poodles?  Perhaps a maladjusted Rottweiler recklessly determined to kill a pug?

Total letdown.

Supervisor Wiener to Explore Getting Vendors out of Dolores Park and into the Street

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The Sunny Vibrations vegan food truck, which can be found parked on 20th next to Dolores Park. (photo by Howvin)

It appears the controversy surrounding Rec & Park's decision to commercialize Dolores Park is not yet over.  According to Crystal Vann Wallstrom of the newly-formed Dolores Park Beauty, Leisure & Arts Collective (DPBLAC, or HOLY FUCK THIS NON-PROFIT HAS A LONG NAME), Supervisor Scott Wiener is going to “explore” a compromise between Rec & Park and park-goers that moves the new vendors out of the park to Dolores St., between 19th and 20th (a compromise that the previous supervisor and mayoral candidate Bevan Dufty declined to pursue).  The only setback to this proposal is that Scott needs to negotiate a transfer of ownership of the land the trucks will take up from DPW to R&P, so look forward to months of government bickering over the matter and probably some irate NIMBYs pissed about losing some of their precious parking spots.

Regardless, props to Scott Wiener for trying to do something.

INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: Did you know back in 1998, Rec & Park also tried to commercialize Dolores Park by permitting a supervisor's wife build a concrete cafe in the dead center of the park?  Apparently neighbors had to sue the city to get it stopped.  Great job, Rec & Park.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pink Pooch

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I understand that dogs have gone from being a companion to a fashion accessory, but isn't this taking it a bit too far?  I mean, if we're all concerned with our hair products being tested on animals, then what does this say?  Worst of all, this dog was male.

But hey, every single person in the park wanted to talk to the owner and take a picture, so I guess the goal of herding up some love was a success.

Rock Against Reagan in Dolores Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Cranky Old Mission Guy just uploaded a scan of the flyer for the Rock Against Reagan concert that happened way back in the days before Whoopi Goldberg ever starred in a movie, Tom Ammiano was a supervisor, Will Durst had a radio show with “Da Mayor”, or anyone ever went to Dolores Park for anything other than heroin.

No doubt this was one gnarly concert, although it seems like it went largely unnoticed at the time.  The searching the SFPL “eLibrary” doesn't turn up any old newspaper articles on the show and, unfortunately, not too many videos or photos from the event are floating around the internet.  All I could dig up was a snap of the Dead Kennedy's on stage by Tom Erickson:

And this short video of MDC and people going nuts in the crowd (originally posted by Sanjiban Films):

Now, I'm pretty sure there haven't been any awesome concert in Dolores since Fugazi played a couple of times in the early 2000's. Maybe it's about time someone steps up and changes that so future generations can reminisce about the time they put Elmer's in their hair and threw themselves into a sea of people?

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Street Art You Can Piss On

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

While enjoying the fine day in Dolores yesterday, I was unfortunately hit with the the curse of having to urinate. I made my way to the bathrooms, but there were two dudes standing in the line.  Which, you know, was clearly unacceptable.  So I trekked to the Muni tracks to relieve myself in the presence of nature and unexceptional public transit and came across this street art wheatpasted up against pedestrian bridge.  I snapped this photo, started to walk away, then saw a wasted dude wearing a Low Card hat out of the corner of my eye take a piss on the girl's Birkenstocks.

Street art, ladies and gentlemen, street art.

The Summer of 2011 is Off to a Fine Start

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Good ol' Mother Nature decided to do it up big yesterday and make for one helluva day in Dolores.  Tallboys were drank.  Gangster rap was blasted.  Local McNimbydouche walked his dog through The Park mean muggin' everybody enjoying themselves.  Plus:

Dogs in hoodies.

Cold Beer, Cold Water.

A dude with ice on his head.

Some crazy motherfucker that hot-boxed a blanket for two hours.

And, last but certainly not least, two bananas lugging around an 18 of Keystone Light.

Basically, the Summer before the renovations is setting up to be one rad year.

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