Art - The Canvas

Get Yer House Painted!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Local artist Andy Stattmiller has brought his rad style from his “Take a ride on the 49…” paintings and is applying it to SF's beeeeeeeautiful architecture.  Best of all, he'll paint a portrait of your pad if you give him the requisite amount of cash.  If your house is a Victorian in the Haight, you'll be left with a lovely reminder of your fine San Francisco digs and the Humboldt County dirtbags who defecate on your doormat for years to come.  And if you live in a fancy new condo, you'll have yourself a pricey reminder of how dull the exterior of your $600,000 mistake is.

Get the details on how to commission a painting over at Andy's blog.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Bay Area Art Museums Not Good Enough for Google

— By Jenny Wilson |

 Goog's called out 

Google's new Google Art Project launched on Tuesday in collaboration with 17 museums around the world to bring you masterpieces easily viewable in your living room, but failed to include any Bay Area Art Museums. The Asian Art Museum tweeted about it yesterday with the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Retweeting. This dis' comes on the heels of SFMoMA's  exciting announcement today of 195 works promised to its permanent collection by art luminaries such as Jackson Pollock, Robert Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns, Francis Bacon, and Gerard Richter. Pretty great for SFMoMA, and apparently not good enough for Google.

Vincent van Gogh's “The Starry Night”

Despite Google's major “fuck you” to its neighboring museums, Google Art Project is pretty legit. Google's Street View technology is now being used to bust drug dealers to bring these uber elitist museums' galleries straight to your laptop. The Art Project has selected a few masterpieces from each of the 17 museums to let viewers zoom in hella close on artworks like Vincent van Gogh's “The Starry Night” at the New York MoMA, without having a museum guard freak the fuck out on you. But if you want to do that in San Francisco, you're going to actually have to put some clothes on and pay an admission fee until Google realizes its neighbs have some pretty awesome art too.

The Bikes of San Francisco

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Reader AB sends us this poster, which I guess is attempting to depict what types of bikes represent various neighborhoods in SF.  Sure, the Tenderloin illustration is one humdinger of a joke, but the rest of the neighborhoods are just too literal.  I mean, I realize absolutely everyone in the Mission rides a fixie, but I have never once seen a unicycle in the Haight.  Is it trying to say the Haight is full of red-nosed clowns?  Perhaps the Haight should have been a tall bike, representing that it is a complete bastardization of what it once was.  And shouldn't Civic Center be the town bicycle?

Anyway, if you dig this poster, a cool 30 smacks and it's yours.

Long Neck 4 Life

— By Kate Horton |

 

This Friday, Aristocrats in San Jose will be hosting the opening reception for notorious Bay Area street artist Girafa's new exhibit Black Is The New Yellow. Make the trek to SJ for art, booze, & cool kids, as well as the release of a limited edition Aristocrats & Girafa collaboration shirt. Rumor is the man himself will also be there.

San Francisco Sketchfest Happening Right Now

— By Jon Skulski |

Laughing is a way better drug than whatever you're railing.

The San Francisco comedy scene is small and tight. A couple of times a year it expands, welcoming some special guests [obvious vagina references removed by editor.] Kicked off on the 13th, the month long San Francisco Sketchfest is happening right now. It is a golden opportunity to go laugh at something other than your drunken friends' failed triple piggy back ride.

You can checkout the full schedule right here, but a couple of shows that I can recommend:

1/17 - 10 Year Reunion Show w/ Kasper Hauser
1/19 - Kasper Hauser: Time Machine
1/20-1/23 - Mike Birbiglia
1/20 - RiffTrax Presents Night of the Shorts
1/21 - WTF with Marc Maron
1/22 - The Sound of Young America Live
1/29 - Whose Live Anyway (for those of you who like safe comedy)

And if you you're in the Mission, the Dark Room has shows every Thursday thru Sunday as part of the fest. They're small, intimate shows like a baptismal or lap dance.

Sketch comedy isn't just for personal enjoyment, either. It provides a service to the community. For example, The Midnight Show out of LA has a practical solution for your pet related fears:

So, stop being boring and go see some live comedy. It's festivals like these that make SF feel like a big boy city. Your $1 PBRs will still be at the bar when you're done.

Deep's Rickshaw Arsenal

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Deep, the friendly fellow who makes it out to all the cycling events around town with his blue 3-wheeler equipped with an Michael Jackson-bumpin' soundsystem, was doing a bit of garage cleaning this afternoon and had is epic array of bikes out on display.  To say his collection of rickshaws is badass is to say the least, but this particular ride really stole the show:

Deep says he scored this 1957 Thai rickshaw on eBay while hunting for the red rickshaw seen to the left of the first pic.  Rather than pick one or the other, he just bought both.  He says the thing weighs a ton so he rarely takes it out, but the details on this beast are incredible.

  

Needless to say, if anyone has a spare 1957 Thai rickshaw that they don't want anymore, do let me know.

Seemingly Abandoned Valencia Garage is Actually a Fine Looking Showroom

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ever wanted to know what was behind the garage door adjacent to to the grisly condos 18th and Valencia?  If you had assumed it was just another abandoned building, you'd be wrong.  According to Lynda over at Mission Local, taker of the above pic, the garage has actually been the of the “showroom” of 724, a hybrid gallery and space for table-makers and metal sculptors for the last 5 years.

“We just never opened the door,” said Anthony Marschak, the managing director of 724.

This raises the question, why a space such as this one have never opened the doors to their showroom before?  Trying to be exclusive?  Stay underground?  Hate dealing with people? Couldn't figure out how doors work?

Regardless of their motive, they've finally figured out how to unlatch their garage door and they'll be showing off Amanda Lopez's photography starting tomorrow night.

(link)

Holiday Leftovers

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Thanks to this biblical rain storm, I'm having trouble shedding the holiday spirit.  And judging by the amount of decorations still up, it appears the rest of the city is in the same boat.  Either that or people just don't want to get wet taking the decorations down.  Anyways, this mariachi hat-wearing Rudolph could still be found hanging on a doorway at Albion and 16th as of yesterday, much to the psychedelic delight of stoned 20-somethings.

Still Need a Christmas Tree?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Reyhan over at The Bay Citizen hips us to the outdoor cardboard xmas tree lot on 24th:

A few weeks ago, I came upon an odd sight on 24th Street: a small Christmas tree lot, on the sidewalk, outside a clothing boutique. The trees were fanned out like any other lot, except there were no green branches. The trees were made of recycled cardboard and cut by machines relying on solar power.

It turned out they were the work of Hanna Sitzer, a local artist and set designer. At the time, she had mentioned that people keep sending her pictures of their fully decorated trees. The one sitting in my living room remains bare, but there's always next year.

Hanna leaves the trees intentionally blank so you can decorate them yourself (like hanging ornaments, only with art supplies that get you high!).  Unfortunately the tree lot is now closed, but you can still run into Wonderland (24th @ Alabama) to snag a tree for yourself.

(Interview and more pics of decorated trees/kids with fake mustaches over at The Bay Citizen)

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