is valencia 'fucking over'?

The Fanciest Tecate You'll Never Drink

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) | January 20th, 2012 @ 9:18am

Against my better judgement, I went to Valencia's bougie taco and margarita upstart Tacolicious/Mosto the other night. Mistake!

My friends and I arrived at 7pm and were informed it would be about a 35 to 45 minute wait for a table, which seemed a little high for a slow weekday night. But they have a bar/holding cell attached to the restaurant, so we figured we'd guzzle some drinks and stand out like a group of broke hipsters in a room full of beautiful people in sports coats.

The initial conversation at the bar went something like this:

“How much for a house margarita?”
“Eleven bucks.”
”Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh do you have something for a guy who clearly can't afford a haircut?”
“Tecates are three.”
“Sick brah.”

Then a Tecate in a wine glass was put in front of my face. Took one sip. It was skunked.

Now, I think I've only had Tecate from anything besides an aluminum can once, so I assumed that was how cheap beer in a wine glass was supposed to taste. But it was awful. I could feel the muscles in my face wrenching with every sip. So after conferring on the taste of this atrocity in a glass with my Mission compatriots, I did the unthinkable: I sent the drink back to the bar.

The bartender was apologetic and poured a new Tecate in a pint glass, and the manager even came over to make make reparations in the form of a complimentary margarita. The margarita sure was tasty, but the new Tecate was just as shitty as the first one. But not being one for spit in my food, I foraged for a handful of limes at the bar and drank it anyway.

Now, after a couple more drinks, we realized it was already eight fucking thirty. For those of you who aren't good at math, that means our 35 to 45 minute wait had been crawling along for 90 minutes. As we were heading out the door to go to Cancun to drink fresh Budweiser and eat tacos like normal people, the hostess grabbed us and let us know our table was ready.

I won't bore you with the details of my admittedly tasty food, but let it suffice to say that I paid $13 for two tacos and complimentary chips and salsa.

Grub's Neighbors Fed Up, Demanding City Take Them to Task

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) | June 14th, 2011 @ 2:03pm

A petition being passed around by residents of Lapidge Street and neighboring Valencia businesses is going after Grub, the fledgling restaurant on Valencia on 18th known for its delicious mac n' cheese and hideous interior. The petition to the Department of Public Health alleges a whole bunch of things, including the restaurant producing “earth quake like [sic] vibrations” that are destroying homes, rent control-protected residents “being driven out of their homes,” and a whole bunch of other nasty stuff that makes the situation sound fairly miserable. The petition begins:

Grub Restaurant opened for business at 758 Valencia Street in October 2010. The restaurant is open for dinner 7 days a week until 1 AM plus brunch weekends. From day one of its presence, we neighbors have endured a constant assault on the senses. We immediately alerted the Department of Public Health to this situation. Since October, the neighbors have been in constant contact with DPH. Although we have taken great time and expense to document our concerns, the Department has failed to reduce the excessive noise levels.
Grub has met the neighbors’ complaints with intimidation and harassment. One or more of the owners has shouted obscenities at neighbors on more than one occasion. They have also explicitly threatened neighbors with retaliation. Grub’s conduct is documented in multiple police reports, including Case # 110292383. With no assistance from DPH, we secured proof that Grub installed its machinery without permits, as shown by the Department of Building Inspection’s findings. DBI has further determined that this unpermitted work does not meet code.

While the appeal immediately comes across as typical NIMBY bullshit, it's authored by one of the neighborhood champions of last summer's NIMBY-plagued Mission Bicycle Festival, giving the neighbor some credibility. Another neighbor, who had nothing to do with the writing of the petition, backs up one of the claims, noting “I have to say, the Grub owners appear to be douchbags. Not that I would ever judge anyone by how they look, but they pace in front of the restaurant with their dress shirts untucked (Marina style) screaming on their bluetooths.”

The petition goes on to discuss, in great detail, the failings of the restaurant and the city: Housing Code violations, Noise Ordinance violations, negative reports from the Housing Inspector, acoustical and vibration experts being brought in, unpermitted construction, and failures by the Department of Public Health to hold their promises. Perhaps the best line of the whole thing:

Now, neighbors whose homes are protected by rent control are being driven out of their homes. Grub’s machinery is literally eroding our homes and health. We are suffering from chronic sleep loss, weight loss, and living under extreme stress. Our homes are battle zones complete with the constant drone of machinery.

Presumably, this doesn't bode well Monk's Kettle's “fancier” beer bar and other late-night offerings set to open on this block later this year. The neighbors are clearly organized, know how to get city to go after businesses, and don't seem to appreciate the noise that comes from late-night restaurants in their backyards. Should make for some interesting summer drama.

Feel free to read the entire petition, if you're into that sorta thing.

Is Valencia Street Now Officially in Noe Valley?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) | February 28th, 2011 @ 12:16pm

Burrito Justice brings to our attention The Neighborhood Project, which allows San Franciscans enter in their address and specify what neighborhood they believe they live in, thus making a democratically-created map of SF neighborhoods. There's a few interesting points on the map (albeit, not all of them very surprising): the Tenderloin and Nob Hill blends together, no one seems to have a clue where the Lower Haight begins and ends, people are obviously divided on NOPA vs. Western Addition, and a bunch of people living along Valencia think they live in Noe Valley. Wait, what? Yep, based on this map, the Mission is shrinking, getting gobbled up by Noe Valley to the left and Potrero Hill to the right.

This brings up a whole bunch of questions about the Mission and where it's going (answer: within a few blocks between Mission St and Harrison). Up until today, I had always heard jokes about Valencia looking a lot 24th at elevation, but I didn't think people actually thought the Mission ended at Mission St.

At least we still have Dolores Park.