Four (Loko) Horsemen: The Beginning of the End

— By Zach Perkins |

rad/douchey Loko consumption pic via Series II

Stock up your fallout shelters with Loko tallboys, because the apocolypse is upon us.  Yesterday, the Michigan Liquor Control Commission passed a state-wide ban on the sale of 4 Loko, giving retailers thirty days to comply and clear their shelves of the products (I SMELL A LIQUIDATION SALE IN DETROIT, ROAD TRIP ANYONE???).  The dominos are all set to start falling; the City Council of Chicago has already proposed a ban on all alcoholic energy drinks and in Pennsylvania they're asking retailers to voluntarily cease sales of 4 Loko.  Details at the Chicago Tribune.

Michael Mansour, owner of a liquor store near the Michigan State campus, pointed out the obvious futility of the ban: 

“If they can’t get it prepackaged in one unit, then they’ll buy it separately and mix it themselves,” Mansour said. “They’re going to do it, whether they package it that way or not.”  (via Michigan State News)

How long before kids start making bank on smuggling Lokos onto Michigan campuses? Will campus PD start busting dorm rooms operating as Loko cook labs? 

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Comments (6)

n judah's picture n judah | []

I can make a better drink than four loko any time I want - just go to the liquor store, buy a tall can of beer (I prefer a 2 buck Fosters) and put in a couple of airline bottles of booze. Or, if you like caffeine, drop in some nodoz. then, tell busybody local authorities to suck it when you’re loaded and high.

whit's picture whit | []

miss u sparks

Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable's picture Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable | []

All I know is that someone needs to do the world a favor and hold that fucking hipster’s head under water until he stops moving.

loko4loko's picture loko4loko | []

Live in detroit metro area … and talking with the local convenience store he can’t help but laugh every time i walk in …. says this is the best short term sales boost he’s seen in a long time. (and then also quips that this ruling is bs and people should just be able to hold their liquor LOL)

I’m guilty for helping him because everytime i go in there now …. even just for a diet coke or something, i buy several more cans of loko before they have to take it off the shelves dec 4th.