Finally, a Tortilla For My Upper Middle Class Alternative Lifestyle

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I've been thinking a lot lately how there hasn't been enough innovation in tortillas.  Flour or corn… maybe infused with a gentle hint of whole wheat, roasted red pepper, or green food coloring.  What a snooze.  I have a budget, so why can't I have my dream?

I want a tortilla crafted by an expert chef and his young apprentice, slowly hand-making each and every tortilla with the finest, locally-sourced farm-to-table organic ingredients in their gritty yet sanitary workshop.  See, I should feel proud knowing that my dollars are going directly the craftsmen—nay, artists—themselves, not some polluting big business.  It should glisten with pride, that dream tortilla, literally lighting up my Instagrams with freshness and flavor…no filter, baby.

My mouth? Overwhelmed with subtlety.  A splash of orange zest, a dash of fennel… is that cinnamon? Oh baby, oh baby, I think I just had a foodgasm.

What's that, you say? My dream tortilla already exists?!

Mission Artisan-Style Cornhole Tortillas, where have you been all my life?  It's like the gods themselves made these with me in mind.  And these cornhole tortillas are a good source of fiber?  Explosive.  Do you accept Square?

Comments (7)

I don't think before I type's picture I don't think before I type | []

Really?

Eric Gregory's picture Eric Gregory | []

Saw these at Safeway and I had a hard time supressing my urge to throw up, particularly after I read the “artisan” ingredients list:

Water, Ground Corn Treated with Lime, Whole Wheat Flour, Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Vegetable Shortening (Interesterified Soybean Oil, Hydrogenated Soybean Oil), Vital Wheat Gluten, Modified Wheat Starch, contains 2% or less of: Corn Bran, Salt, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Sodium Aluminum Sulfate, Corn Starch, Monocalcium Phosphate and/or Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Calcium Sulfate), Preservatives (Calcium Propionate, Sorbic Acid, Propionic Acid, Benzoic Acid, Phosphoric Acid), Distilled Monoglycerides, Enzymes, Wheat Starch, Calcium Carbonate, Antioxidants (Tocopherols, Ascorbic Acid, Citric Acid), Cellulose Gum, Guar Gum, Dough Conditioners (Fumaric Acid, Sodium Metabisulfite, DATEM and/or Mono- and Diglycerides).

Trans fat, preservatives, and cellulose gum. Just like mom used to make!

I don't blink before I type's picture I don't blink before I type | []

Anything that makes me poop more than I do now and my slacker cracka ass won’t ever get anything done. Ergo, i’ll have to pass on the tortillas, but the cornhole sounds interesting.

colin's picture colin | []

the best tortillas have 3 ingredients:
water
corn flour (masa)
lime

THE END!

Ciaran's picture Ciaran | []

I’ve definitely seen some non-mission brand artisan tortillas in the Haight Street Market

I don't think before I type's picture I don't think before I type | []

I’ve been eating artisnal tortillas from Casa Lucas in the Mission since starting solid food. Thanks, but I will pass on the Mission-brand version. Water, corn flour, lime. Thats it!