Jello Biafra, the pudgy 50-something San Francisco punk rocker-turned-politician-turned-old-punk rocker famous for starting the Dead Kennedys some thirty years ago, is still hella bummed out about the late-90s gentrification in the Mission and rich people living in SF. Why? Because dot com yuppies are pushing artists and workers out of the city, turning “Kook City” into a “Dot com Monte Carlo.” Sure, he might be right, but the lyrics to the first track on Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine's upcoming EP are particularly amusing, if not downright crazy:
Where did they come from Why are they here? Hi-tech piranhas With Bluetooth barnacle ears
Living breathing biohazards
Spit their money in everyone's face
Worship all these shitty indie-pop bands
Babies in cigar bars
Trying to play Gatsby
They want us gone
Close the clubs
We might disturb their lofts
Dot com Monte Carlo
Dot com Monte CarloWhere's the gangs in the Mission
When you need em?
How 'bout some yuppie drive-bys
For a change?
Never knew geeks
Could be so damn mean
Artists and workers
Bulldozed out by the thousands
Can't afford to be black
Or teach school in this town
My vet had to relocate
To his garageWhere can we go
Oakland, then the Portland, then L.A.?
Their Gold Rush immolated like Pompeii
But they're back!
Dot com Monte Carlo
Yuppie San Francisco
Nowhere left to go
We got news for youKook City
Proud of it
You and Nancy Pelosi
Can go straight to hell
Valet parking signs on Valencia
Wanna chase those twits
Down the street with a chainsaw
Trespass their restaurants
Swipe the food off their plates
Til' they hit me
Then smear them with honey
And release thousands of beesLook at the giant middle finger
They put up by the Bay Bridge
50 floors of luxury condos
Just for them
They're trying to put up more and more
On slippery landfill
So when the big quake comes
We'll drink a toast
Dance in the streets
And watch it all fall down
Timber
Timber
Timber… Die!
Having Mission gangs murder yuppies? Chasing down twits who use valet parking on Valencia Street (sidenote: is there any valet parking on Valencia?) with a chainsaw before smothering them in honey and releasing a swam of bees on them? Who does Jello think he is? Inspectah Deck?
Anyway, Ian S. Port of the SF Weekly notes this song is nothing new:
“Dot Com Monte Carlo” has been in the band's live show for a bit now, but its first recorded release will be on the new Enhanced Methods of Questioning EP, due out on Alternative Tentacles May 31 (available earlier online). Check out a visual sample [embedded above], and note the utterly creepy way in which Jello nods to the crowd at the end.
Sadly, there hasn't been any sightings of an old white dude weezing his way through The Summit with a chainsaw, so despite Jello's crazy eyes, don't count on a holocaust of Range patrons happening anytime soon.