For seventy hundred and fifty PBRs at Pops (read: $1500), you could have the slickest cross bike in Dolores Park, getting “pretentious hipster hos” to drop dem draws.  This offer only applies to sized tall cool kids, as the bike is a large.

It’s a Spooky Bikes Supertouch ”made right here in beautiful Western MA, a far, far better place for ‘cross than that smelly hipster haven” and you can holler thataway.