Pets & Animals

UPDATE: Friend of Out of Control Dog Speaks Out

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A friend of last weekend's out of control Boston Terrier that left Dolores Park shattered fills us in on the dog's personality:

I work with this dog at Murder, Inc. He is the cold-bloodedest killer of all my colleagues. His name Falkor. Like from The Neverending Story, but the story he will tell trick bitches on his turf is The Neverending Critical Beatdown. Ferocious.

Also, Re: the headline, let me assure you he was in complete control the whole time and if he appeared out of control, it is because that's what he wanted you to think. Falkor specialize in psychologistical mind freaking.

Somebody better call animal control.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Beware of the Attack Cat

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

He didn't strike me as very threatening, but I did lose our staring contest.  Also, having multiple staring contests with a random cat is an riveting way to spend one's Thursday afternoon.

Cougars on the Prowl in the Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Let's ignore the startling drawing above for a second and focus on the latest form The Bold Italic.  Today they bring us a guide to being a cougar in the Mission (although they try to rename “cougar” as “sabertooth,” as sabertooth tigers are more badass than cougars or something).  First, let's get in the cougar mindset:

There’s a taboo to the term cougar, much like the played out “hipster” tag. No one actually wants to be called one, myself included. However, I am 36 and dating guys a decade younger.

Let me point out, I have nothing against guys my age, and I don't rule them out. But it’s funny (as they say) that as I get older, the dudes I’m dating stay the same age. I’m drawn to the hallmarks of these 20-somethings – the sound of skateboard wheels coming down the street, the sight of postgrads paying for their coffee with quarters. I don’t need a financially secure, established guy. I need adventure!

So where do “sabertooths” go to pick up a fresh, fine Mission bro?  Guerrero Gallery (for the arty/Mike Giant-obsessed types), Pop's (where a communal love of Black Sabbath will get you a date), and the Phone Booth, where you can use the jukebox to accurately determine if a guy wearing a “vintage western shirt and holding a beer koozie” is a suitable mate.

Men in search of older women who like adventure and were in high school during Loma Prieta, you know where to go.

Now, let's focus on the handy guide to Mission guys provided by The Bold Italic.  Their rendition of a “skater boi”?  Fuck it, I don't even want to go there…

(link)

Out of Control Dog Rattles Dolores Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In the wee hours of Super Bowl Sunday (read: 12:30pm), a panic broke out in the Dolores Park dog run by the women's bathroom.  As barking and growling errupted from the water fountain, an irate white woman came running across the park screaming her head off, “YOUR DOG IS OUT OF CONTROL.”  More words were yelled by more people.  Children were instructed to cover their ears.  One man tried to sell the group weed cookies.  But before you could even pull out your wallet to place your bets, two squad cars and an animal control van rolled up to handle the situation.

What breed of beast could be responsible for such a massive response from SFPD?  An agressive pit bull who bears its teeth at children when it isn't busy savaging poodles?  Perhaps a maladjusted Rottweiler recklessly determined to kill a pug?

Total letdown.

Pink Pooch

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I understand that dogs have gone from being a companion to a fashion accessory, but isn't this taking it a bit too far?  I mean, if we're all concerned with our hair products being tested on animals, then what does this say?  Worst of all, this dog was male.

But hey, every single person in the park wanted to talk to the owner and take a picture, so I guess the goal of herding up some love was a success.

The Scoop Behind the Yellow Birdhouses Around Town

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

“Jim”, the man responsible for hanging all the yellow birdhouses around the Mission and SOMA, emailed us to tell us about his project:

I come from a long line of birdwatchers and enjoy following birds myself, so I thought why not cater to local species and make birdhouses for them? I started out making houses for the California Towhee which migrates through Northern California, then branched out and started just free styling them.

Some friends caught wind and I started making more for them, and eventually I was asked to show 50 of my birdhouses at a pop-up gallery show in SOMA at Unspeakable Projects. I then sold those birdhouses, and the deal was I would install them in the location of the buyer's choosing.

I've made a bunch of birdhouses made of wood from local recycled pallets, sold a few at an art show and now am just continuing to make them and put them up around town. Feel free to track their progress on the website. I'll be updating as I go.

If you want to sponsor the project, $50 bucks will get you a birdhouse and installation at your choice of location.  You can order one by sending an email to jimewing3@hotmail.com

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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