Pets & Animals

Shitty Traffic

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

There I was, biking down Bryant and minding my own business when BAM, there's some puppy dropping a fresh BM in the middle of the street.  Fearing death and a feces-covered downtube, I jumped up on the sidewalk the quickness, giving the dog plenty of space to do his thing.

The dog's owner, clearly embarrassed by his young pup's bowel control, started mumbling about finding a bag to clean the mess up, when his tallboy-wielding friend started yelling: “You don't need a bag!  It's not on the sidewalk!  The law says you don't have to have to pick up shit on the street!  Let's gooooo.” (It's not the law) The guy looked at his friend, looked at me, looked at his dog, shrugged and was on his way.

Now some poor Scion's wheel well is covered in shit.

(Side note #1: Did I really just fact-check some day-drunk dudes walking a puppy with impatient bowels?)

(Side note #2: What's up with Coors Light being all about the Giants?  Not that it's unprecedented for beer companies to be all about whatever team helps them sell beer, but doesn't Coors have their brand all over some other team?  Mixed messages!)

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Fecal Face recently published this ghastly photo of a Sunset District compost bin with a major poultry problem.  Seems like this might be some sort of health code violation, although listed under the “acceptable green waste materials” section of Recology's website is “Food Scraps (Anything that used to be alive).”  Well, shit, that's one way to word it.

Anyway, I imagine a pack of feral cats is now calling the area around this compost bin home.

Now the Mission is Home to a Cat Hotel

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

SFist alerts us to the opening of a new cat hotel at 18th and Treat, Mission: Cats.  From their about page:

Mission: Cats offers a cat-only experience that ensures you come home to a happy, healthy kitty. With a powerful HEPA air filtration system clean air moves through our over 1200 sf space. Kitties are given purified water and kept well supplied with their favorite toys and treats. We never charge extra for playtime and cuddles. We house a small number of cats, enabling us to give each cat the attention and admiration it deserves. Our staff is certified in Pet First Aid and CPR through the American Red Cross. We are insured by Kennel Pro. We have a security cameras (and even better, kitty cams!), as well as a sprinkler system. We are located two blocks from the 24 hour San Francisco Veterinary Specialists.

This is truly magical. Air filtration, purified water, a security system, and free cuddles? For the bargain price of 25 bucks a night, these cats are living a better life than I do. Hell, they probably don't even have fleas.

Sky Rat Hunter Tests New Laser-Based Weapon; Misses

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The man behind Bluoz—a blog about homelessness, local music from the mid-90s, and San Francisco's bird population—recently had the brilliant idea/was sufficiently bored enough to experiment with a laser pointer and birds.  Turns out our SOMA sky rat population falls for the same tricks that dogs and cats fall for, generating an endless series of YouTubes and countless hours of productivity lost.

All that's left to do now is for someone to camp atop of Carlos Club at 24th and Mission with a laser pointer and camera and make the magic happen.

[Bluoz]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Someone Finally Fulfilled My Dream of Knowing What a Squirrel Wearing Acorn Bling Would Look Like

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Not only do I now know that squirrels look pretty baller while rocking a “nutz” chain, but I can hang the portrait above my fireplace for a cool eight grand.

Anyway, this piece by Isabel Samaras is hanging on the wall of 111 Minna, so if you want to spend 2 months salary on a memepainting/look at the real thing and not a blurry photo of it, you know where to go.  Also, if you ever wanted to know what a squirrel wearing a chain while standing next to an old rapper wearing sexy librarian glasses and selling alcohol to minors looks like, we also have that covered.

Put A Bird On it

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Someone had to explain this tag to me the other day, because I generally need things explained to me.  Apparently the popular children's television show Portlandia made the observation that people put birds on things to make everything more artistic.  Perhaps this is true, although Mid-Market is full of pigeons and than place is a shit pit.  Regardless, street artists have taken this concept and run wild on Clarion Alley's murals.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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