Noe Valley

This rope swing isn't for the faint-of-heart, or for overweight people with shitty grip strength, for that matter.  These people may look like they are enjoying themselves, but they're not.  They're fucking pissing themselves.  And for good reason: the swing flies 300 feet above the San Francisco skyline from a dusty knoll on the little-known Billy Goat Hill in Noe Valley.  Or Glen Park.  All those neighborhoods look the same to me.  But, I digress...

Standing atop of a rat's nest of eroded roots snarling along the precipice of self-inflicted bodily harm, you grab a rope dangling from a branch some fifteen or twenty feet above your head, curse your shithead friends for roping you into this idiocy, and leap into flight.

The ground instantly drops out from between you.  Five feet.  Ten feet.  Fifteen feet. Next thing you know, you're staring at the roofs of homes 50 feet below and wishing you hadn't slammed back all those beers beforehand.  All the thrills over a roller coaster, but with none of the safety features that come with riding a 50-year-old wooden death trap that's operated by meth addicts.  And just as you become convinced you're going to be hauled off the mountain on a stretcher, you make your triumphant return to the safety of solid ground from which you departed.

If you're as graceful as you are ballsy, you leap from the swing to the ground below, shuffling your feet to a quick stop.  If you're a clumsy old fool like me, you flail erratically and slam into the tree.

Examining your newfound bruises and ensuring you didn't unexpectedly crap lunch into your pants, everyone fortunate enough to witness your foray into the life of someone with courage will remark that they didn't know a grow-ass man was capable to emitting such screams.

"Whatever, no big deal."

Burrito Justice brings to our attention The Neighborhood Project, which allows San Franciscans enter in their address and specify what neighborhood they believe they live in, thus making a democratically-created map of SF neighborhoods.  There's a few interesting points on the map (albeit, not all of them very surprising): the Tenderloin and Nob Hill blends together, no one seems to have a clue where the Lower Haight begins and ends, people are obviously divided on NOPA vs. Western Addition, and a bunch of people living along Valencia think they live in Noe Valley.  Wait, what?  Yep, based on this map, the Mission is shrinking, getting gobbled up by Noe Valley to the left and Potrero Hill to the right.

This brings up a whole bunch of questions about the Mission and where it's going (answer: within a few blocks between Mission St and Harrison).  Up until today, I had always heard jokes about Valencia looking a lot 24th at elevation, but I didn't think people actually thought the Mission ended at Mission St.

At least we still have Dolores Park.

Earlier this month, Google announced a new advanced search tool that  helps filter websites by the complexity of their content called "Reading Level." Clearly we don't know what algorithm Google uses to rate the blogs (perhaps we can blame the commenters for the crappy results?), but who doesn't love comparing a few San Francisco blogs?

Apparently the subtle complexities of PBR, Four Loko, bicycles, and the richly in-depth analysis of burritos were lost upon Google because according to its new "Reading Level," the Mission is home to the dumbest bloggers in San Francisco. 

Although some of our life choices may prove otherwise, it seems that #TEAM_UppyAlmy isn't the dumbest blog in San Francisco. Congratulations Mission Mission.

2% more literate? Must've been all of that wikileaks coverage that really put us over the top.

Looks like Mission Loc@l is the smartest blog representing the Mission. Must be the writer's nicely uniformed profile pictures. With no writers drunk or wearing a Pooh Bear costume in their photos, these people obviously take blogging very seriously.

And how did the other neighborhood blogs reading levels fare?

Looks like the Tenderloin, mostly known for its homeless, drug addicts, prossies, schizos, oh yeah, and UC Hastings Law School students is smarter than 2/3's of the Mission blogs.

The Lower Haight's HoodscopeSF, slightly dumber than the TL, slighty smarter than the 2/3's of the Mish.

Haighteration leads the pack for the gutter punks, retired hippies, and USF students that characterize the Haight.

The Marina fares well with 7x7. But really, how complex are their posts? About as complex as this.

Finally, San Francisco, your smartest blogging neighborhood according to Google's "Reading Level" is Noe Valley. Congrats Noe Valley SF for being pretty average, but a whole lot better than the rest of us.

Noe Valley SF reports that the Noe Street Plaza has been shot down in favor of the small parklets that have been going up around the city.  Even though this isn't entirely Dufty's fault and he's clearly going to receive the majority of the blame, the whole escapade demonstrates his inability to lead.  During a recent community meeting on the subject, Dufty could not control the floor and let screaming neighbors run the show.  The net effect of this failure was the "compromise" that was just reached in Noe Valley:

We are excited to report that of all the different ideas talked about over the past few months, Parklets on 24th Street have gained the most support in Noe Valley (a survey at the June 30th workshop, for example, demonstrated 3 to 1 support for this proposal). Parklets do not affect traffic circulation and instead use two parking spaces to build out a deck for landscaping, tables and chairs, and other pedestrian elements (see sfpavementtoparks.sfplanning.org for images of Parklets in other parts of town). If all goes to plan, we would like to add two Parklets along 24th Street this Fall. We will be working with the merchant community to identify the most suitable locations but it is important to note that these spaces will be open and free to use by anyone. As in all Pavement to Parks projects, these Parklets will be trial and closely monitored for success. If they do not work out, they will be removed.

So basically a bunch of whiny car drivers derailed what would have been a positive addition to Noe Valley.  Instead, we'll get a place were people briefly hang out then move along (given my experience with the parklet on 22nd, it is not a comfortable space to spend any more time than it takes to eat a slice of pizza).  Oh, and it will probably be removed when people complain about losing parking spaces.

This is the second massive failure we're seen in the past 6 months from the Supervisor's office.  He largely punted the Dolores Park renovation outrage and presided over another joke of a public meeting on that subject.  Worst of all, he promised there would be a followup meeting in June to discuss planning for the Dolores Park renovations.  That meeting never occurred.

A man who cannot control crowds and show leadership on important, divisive issues does not deserve to be our mayor.  The fact he even considers himself qualified is shocking.

I applaud your self-esteem Bevan, but why don't you sit this one out so we don't have to endure another 4 years of incompetence.