Earlier this month, Google announced a new advanced search tool that  helps filter websites by the complexity of their content called “Reading Level.” Clearly we don't know what algorithm Google uses to rate the blogs (perhaps we can blame the commenters for the crappy results?), but who doesn't love comparing a few San Francisco blogs?

Apparently the subtle complexities of PBR, Four Loko, bicycles, and the richly in-depth analysis of burritos were lost upon Google because according to its new ”Reading Level,” the Mission is home to the dumbest bloggers in San Francisco. 

Although some of our life choices may prove otherwise, it seems that #TEAM_UppyAlmy isn't the dumbest blog in San Francisco. Congratulations Mission Mission.

2% more literate? Must've been all of that wikileaks coverage that really put us over the top.

Looks like Mission Loc@l is the smartest blog representing the Mission. Must be the writer's nicely uniformed profile pictures. With no writers drunk or wearing a Pooh Bear costume in their photos, these people obviously take blogging very seriously.

And how did the other neighborhood blogs reading levels fare?

Looks like the Tenderloin, mostly known for its homeless, drug addicts, prossies, schizos, oh yeah, and UC Hastings Law School students is smarter than 2/3's of the Mission blogs.

The Lower Haight's HoodscopeSF, slightly dumber than the TL, slighty smarter than the 2/3's of the Mish.

Haighteration leads the pack for the gutter punks, retired hippies, and USF students that characterize the Haight.

The Marina fares well with 7x7. But really, how complex are their posts? About as complex as this.

Finally, San Francisco, your smartest blogging neighborhood according to Google's ”Reading Level” is Noe Valley. Congrats Noe Valley SF for being pretty average, but a whole lot better than the rest of us.

Noe Valley SF reports that the Noe Street Plaza has been shot down in favor of the small parklets that have been going up around the city.  Even though this isn't entirely Dufty's fault and he's clearly going to receive the majority of the blame, the whole escapade demonstrates his inability to lead.  During a recent community meeting on the subject, Dufty could not control the floor and let screaming neighbors run the show.  The net effect of this failure was the “compromise” that was just reached in Noe Valley:

We are excited to report that of all the different ideas talked about over the past few months, Parklets on 24th Street have gained the most support in Noe Valley (a survey at the June 30th workshop, for example, demonstrated 3 to 1 support for this proposal). Parklets do not affect traffic circulation and instead use two parking spaces to build out a deck for landscaping, tables and chairs, and other pedestrian elements (see sfpavementtoparks.sfplanning.org for images of Parklets in other parts of town). If all goes to plan, we would like to add two Parklets along 24th Street this Fall. We will be working with the merchant community to identify the most suitable locations but it is important to note that these spaces will be open and free to use by anyone. As in all Pavement to Parks projects, these Parklets will be trial and closely monitored for success. If they do not work out, they will be removed.

So basically a bunch of whiny car drivers derailed what would have been a positive addition to Noe Valley.  Instead, we'll get a place were people briefly hang out then move along (given my experience with the parklet on 22nd, it is not a comfortable space to spend any more time than it takes to eat a slice of pizza).  Oh, and it will probably be removed when people complain about losing parking spaces.

This is the second massive failure we're seen in the past 6 months from the Supervisor's office.  He largely punted the Dolores Park renovation outrage and presided over another joke of a public meeting on that subject.  Worst of all, he promised there would be a followup meeting in June to discuss planning for the Dolores Park renovations.  That meeting never occurred.

A man who cannot control crowds and show leadership on important, divisive issues does not deserve to be our mayor.  The fact he even considers himself qualified is shocking.

I applaud your self-esteem Bevan, but why don't you sit this one out so we don't have to endure another 4 years of incompetence.

Somedays should really be kicked off with frosting and today was one of those days.  Since I have spent about as much time in Noe Valley as a jungle in Panama, I figured a little urban exploring would be a good way to feed myself.  Worth it, even though I think I broke a sweat ascending 23rd.

Also, their quiche?  Delicious.

(link)

Broke Ass Stuart has word about some ridiculous thing called heavy metal aerobics. I have news for Broke Ass Stuart, HEAVY METAL AEROBICS ALREADY EXISTS AND IT’S CALLED (jazz hands!) JAZZERCISE! (jazz hands!) and folks, it is the bomb.

JAZZERCISE! takes place in Noe Valley, where I used to live (SO SUE ME). I found out about it because I’d walk by on my way home from the El Farolito. You see, the hill from Church to Dolores is least steep at 22nd so even though I lived at 24th and Church, I would actually go two whole flat blocks out of my way to endure a less dramatic hill. I am your new hero.

Anyway, one day as I am walking home, I noticed the sweet sounds of a 92.7 KGAY (RIP) dance party coming from the elementary school at 22nd and Chattanooga. I decided to investigate and what I walked into was something I’ll never forget. A large group of sassy gay dudes, super fit 80 year-old ladies (you know the kind… from behind you’re like “oooh…hot 20-year-old” and then they turn around and you’re all “I’M NOT READY TO DIE!”), and an odd assortment of misfits doing their funky thing to the sweet sounds of Destiny’s Child. It was JAZZERCISE! and I had found My People.

I decided to join because HELLO IT’S MOTHERFUCKING JAZZERCISE! and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Pretty soon I was OBSESSED. I grapevined to the copy machine, I sashay into staff meetings, I SINGLE SINGLE DOUBLED TO THE WATER COOLER. Jazzercise might have to file a restraining order against me because I love it so much, I might kill it. For all of you who think that JAZZERCISE! is for 300 pound grandmas and quadriplegics, you are wrong. I challenge you to attend one JAZZERCISE! class and live to tell tale. If the class doesn’t kill you, I will. I hate to be made a liar. 

Classes are $12 but they offer all sorts of deals, like $44/month unlimited if you sign up for automatic deduction from your bank account and I do that because I never have any clue what’s happening with my bank account. You could basically steal my identity and become me and I might find out by accident in like ten years when I run into you and you’re me. 

Needless to say, I will be jazzercising my ass into a size 00. 78 pounds or BUST! I’ll know I have succeeded when you have to hook me up to an IV to feed me life sustaining liquid I’LL RIP IT OUT, I WILL.