I know anything about Dolores Park and grass growing is a little too boring and newsy but I spend far too much time at this park so fuck it.

Peep this: just ahead of prime picking-up-chicks-while-drinking-Olde-English season, Dolores Park Works takes shit to task, making numerous of long-overdue improvements to the park.  More trash cans, signage, and trash compactors—a whole mess of new crap to spray-paint:

1. More trash receptacles. RPD recently installed a number of 4-can pods of concrete trash receptacles along the Dolores Street, including blue ones for recyclables (plastic, cans, glass). Be sure to note that a 4-foot red strip has been painted on the adjoining curb and two white lines have been painted on the street to signal to car owners that a change had been made. This ensures that Sunset Scavenger has access. Woo Hoo! No more trash piled on the ground next to an overflowing trash can!

2. Landscaping at 18th & Dolores. Our gateway should sparkle and welcome everyone to Dolores Park, don’t you think? It’s gone from a dirt patch to beautifully landscaped with irrigation.

Within a year, the plants will fill in and grace this corner with colorful plants. RPD will also soon re-seed the bare spots around 18th and 19th and Dolores.

3. New signage. Have you noticed the hand-painted Litter-Me-Not signs on the main steps at 19th & Dolores? Eight grade students in Paula Ginsburg’s Special Ed class at Everett MIddle School made these signs for us. You can also see them all around Everett Middle School, Mission High School, the tennis courts, and now at the main entrance to Dolores Park. Just a friendly reminder to well, not litter.

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Really though, looks solid.  Looking forward to spring so I can ride my bike 4 blocks, get fortied, become irritated at the line for the single bathroom and subsequently water a palm tree.  Just kidding, I only soil the homes of park neighbors while scratching records on my “amplified devices.”

Philz is my favorite spot to nurse off the tit of free wifi in the Mission because I don’t drink coffee and their tea is off the charts.  The only drawback is that there was nothing particularly interesting to look at in the bathroom as you unkink the hose/collapse on the floor in a nervous fit because you’re worried that the hella cute Jewish girl is going to jack your laptop while you’re busy taking pictures in the bathroom with your shit cellphone (true story/I’m an obsessive liar).  Anyways, the Philz bathroom has really been taken up a notch since I last visited in November.  Of course, someone half-heartedly tore down the “Boycott Israeli Apartheid” sticker, but it’s still generally a solid scene now:

I spotted this ensem in a baby store on Valencia and I call it, “MY VAGINA/SPIRIT IS BROKEN AND I CAN’T HAVE SEX AGAIN SO WHY NOT?” Alternately, “Two for the Road!” Or optionally, “3.5% of Heterosexual Men are Saving This Image For Later.” I could go on and on and on. 

I’m sorry, what exactly is being advertised here? The duel-action breast pump (ugh) or the totally inappropriate dress? What is it about maternity that brings out the no shame factor? It’s like all of a sudden these ladies think they can whip this shiz out in public and we’re all supposed to be like, “Oh the miracle of birth, so special.” This should be used in an abstinence campaign because congratulations, I’M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN. 

All I’m saying is, if there was a God, he would have taken my uterus/eyes by now because I can’t deal with this. 

(p.s. i wish i could say the best thing about this photo is the ghost on the mannequin’s crotch but really that’s just my boyfriend being appalled!)