Humor

Talking Meat

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

This video is a tad old, so please excuse our tardiness in delivering it to you.  But it's the product of Mission District resident Shion Takeuchi, and I can't help but be smitten with the idea of a bunch of blathering slabs of meat.

Do give it a watch.

Missed Connections Comix: Watermelon all over my Face

— By James the Stanton (@gnartoons) |

[Editor's Note: Each week, Gnartoons creator James the Stanton will be illustrating some of our favorite Missed Connections found on Craigslist.  To kick the whole thing off, he's polishing up a few gems that were left in the aftermath of Burning Man 2011, because a week of unchecked drug abuse mixed with a dash of internet results in some truly bizarre shit.]

 

 

 

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Help Make This Happen Right Now: the San Francisco Comedy & Burrito Festival

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

This goofy burrito Kickstarter campaign requires your immediate attention and unfettered access to your credit card:

The San Francisco Comedy and Burrito Festival (SFCBF) will be a three day long festival celebrating two of the greatest things in the world: stand-up comedy and burritos. 

The festival will be feature comedians from all over the country, as well as top talent from our own thriving local scene. Several top headliners have already expressed enthusiastic interest in performing at the festival. There will be no sketch or improv- just pure good old-fashioned stand-up (and maybe a podcast or two for good measure).

The festival will take place in the centrally located Mission District of San Francisco, a cultural hotbed that features a variety of performance venues and gallery spaces. Each of the venues will be within walking distance of each other, facilitating easy migration from one show to another and thereby maximizing the number of shows festival goers will be able to see. Because of this, the best way to experience our festival will be by purchasing a very affordable festival pass, although tickets for individual shows will also be available to purchase.

Oh yes, some undetermined weekend this fall, many of your favorite Mission venues will be full (full!) to the brim with gaggles of your favorite regional and national comics.  And what's more? “With each ticket purchase, the customer will receive a coupon that can be used for purchases at one of the nearby participating taquerias.”  That's right, comedy and burritos.  It's like SXSW comedy, only full of sour cream and absent of all the social media pretension and Rainn Wilson.

Just watch their promotional video:

Of course, like everything else in its infancy, they need money to get it going—five thousand whole dollars to help pay deposits for venues, cover promotional costs, and fund notable Los Angeles comic's cocaine habits a.k.a. “performer fees.”  So open up your hearts and wallets to promoters Ameen and Jeff and help make this assuredly awesome festival happen.

[Kickstarter]

Bro/Hipster Mutt Takes on Living in San Francisco

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Drew Hoolhorst is among of my favorite writers living in the Mission, even though dude's kinda a bro.  Bro?  Yeah, bro.

He cops to wearing J. Crew button ups and A&F and having a full-time job (which apparently means you're a bro now), yet he also wears hoodies and Ray-Bans and listens to good music and drinking in dives.  To him, this makes him a bro-ster, and he's sick of all the Marina/Mission fighting preventing him from finding a suitable neighborhood to call home.

He explains in today's Bold Italic piece:

We live in a city where everyone bitches about how one group of people is more pretentious than the other. Hipsters usually hate bro's, bro's usually hate hipsters, etc.

And that's bullshit.

Any hipster who says they hate bro's? Acts like a goddamn Mission-bro: they're dicks to everyone, they act holier-than-thou and strictly date their own kind.

Any bro who hates hipsters? Stop it. In three months you'll be wearing whatever clothes hipsters are wearing now (skinny jeans, Ray-Bans, etc.) because, deep down? You sort of like it.

Bros, hipsters … for the sake of my finding an identity in this town: can we call a truce?

I’ve seen both sides pretty regularly. We're not all that different.

We all hate Muni. We all love beer, whether we’re drinking it out of a PBR can or a red Dixie cup with a ping pong ball in it. We all seem to agree on the film Wet Hot American Summer, the show “Modern Family,” and Aziz Ansari in general.

While I always thought being 50% bro and 50% hipster just made you “a dude,” Drew does make some interesting observations about life in the city.  Do give it a read.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Sensitive Tacolicious Employees Do Not Wish to be Mocked As They Perform Manual Labor

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

PG&E is awful—just awful.  And in all their awful awfulness, they cut off power to the Tim “Let Time Smoke” Lincecum-endorsed Valencia Street taco purveyor Tacolicious, forcing the business to close down operations for the day.  And to make the situation worse, the business is now forcing their staff of servers and bartenders to perform “manual labor,” which, like, you know, is totally beneath them.  So please don't tap the glass and frighten their fragile sensibilities.

[Photo by Mission Local, via SFist]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Haight Street Dinosaur Hasn't Evolved to Pick Up After Itself

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I don't really go to the Upper Haight unless I want to feel better about myself, so please excuse my ignorance, but does Shoe Biz just roll this dino out every time a gutter punk's dog poops on the sidewalk for the visual gag, or does it really dispense feces?

Anyway, sorry about posting a pic of of a guy wearing a Canadian tuxedo to the blog.  So gross.

[Photo by P.D. Bird]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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