Eats and Beers

Yelp: now with more poison!

— By Laura B |

Hella fools came down with food poisoning after a Yelp event a couple nights ago. If you read the comments, they’re all, “the party was super fun, ate some pork sliders, today I can’t feel my feet!” or something like that. Actually, I edited it to not gross you the fuck out with all their talk about shitting up a storm. Oops! Anyway, apparently hella fools had to take numerous days off work. DANG! I always thought Yelp should hand out tums at these events instead of fucking chapstick.

Yelp’s response is to deny, deny, deny! Oh and basically suggest that Yelpers use hand sanitizer. Which, GROSS, and also !?!?

Moral of the story? Stay away from pork. And probably Yelp.

Thanks for the tip, Ed!

 

American Made Rainbow

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

La Copa Loca is one of the most often ignored ice cream places in the city despite its level of quality.  The fact it has never made it on any of the Chronicle’s “Sugar Rails” lists has always blew my mind.  Look, I know what you’re thinking: “Kevin, you’re just being a douchebag.  The salted-caramel goat testicle ice cream at Bi-Rite is clearly the best thing to ever happen to my mouth since braces and Uncle Ricky.”  But really, all I had growing up was bicycles, Big-Y grape soda, rivers, mountains, and fucking ice cream from the Village Green Greenhouse and Ice Cream.  So I know ice cream.  And chrysanthemums.

Anyways, I’ve always dug the fact that you can get two scoops of solid gelato (get the tiramisu!) for $3.25 without waiting in line.  The latest addition of draping waffle cones in paper flags is merely a bonus.

Bender's Reborn, Weird Fish Implodes

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Mac n cheese, prior to being baked

Went to Bender’s Grill last night to try their new menu.  PRETTY SOLID.  They have a house made black bean vegan burger that is quite good (also tasty with cheddar cheese on top) and waffle fries.  Truthfully, this was the first time I had waffle fries since high school, which sort of brought me back a little bit.  For some reason those fries made me find an empty table so I could sit by myself.  Anyways, Justin also whipped up some awe-inspiring mac n cheese.  Additionally, a meat eater reports that the chicken parm was “only ok.”

The final verdict is that the new menu at Bender’s is good, but it isn’t nearly as memorable, or addictive, as the old Weird Fish menu.  Bender’s, you need to get serious.  This is bar food.  You need to get a deep fryer.

In other news, Weird Fish, the formerly awesome restaurant that made the Bender’s grill the best goddamn place in the city, has completely lost their shit and ruined their own business.  Closed for lunch everyday and closed ALL DAY on Sunday.  Plus all the good stuff on their menu is gone.  NIXED.  No more.  Larbage, a generally non-newsy blog, has the scoop on this.

 

Philz: Stepping Up the Bathroom Graffiti

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Philz is my favorite spot to nurse off the tit of free wifi in the Mission because I don’t drink coffee and their tea is off the charts.  The only drawback is that there was nothing particularly interesting to look at in the bathroom as you unkink the hose/collapse on the floor in a nervous fit because you’re worried that the hella cute Jewish girl is going to jack your laptop while you’re busy taking pictures in the bathroom with your shit cellphone (true story/I’m an obsessive liar).  Anyways, the Philz bathroom has really been taken up a notch since I last visited in November.  Of course, someone half-heartedly tore down the “Boycott Israeli Apartheid” sticker, but it’s still generally a solid scene now:

HOT NEW FOOD REVIEW: McDonald's Mac Snack Wrap

— By Jim Chaney |

 If the recession could be summed up into a fast food item, it could likely be the new Mac Snack Wrap from McDonald’s. I was alerted to the existence of this wrap while watching the Chargers lose to the Jets today, a commercial showed an attractive girl of vague ethnicity with curly hair biting into a Mac Snack Wrap. She looked at the camera with her snack wrap in her demographically inoffensive hands, gazed deep into my soul and said “eat this motherfucking snack wrap” with her eyes. Five minutes later I was at 16th and mission, hopping over an icehead on my way to McDonalds. I walk into the McDonalds and order my value priced $1.49 Mac Snack Wrap and a medium fries, “hold the corn syrup water my good man, I came merely for transfats”. I carry it home, only slightly caring that I am a chubby dude carrying a bag of McDonald’s home to eat alone.

The Mac Snack Wrap claimed to be “all that is Mac in a wrap”. It was, in that “all that is Mac in a wrap” is not very good. It looks a lot different from it’s advertised picture and it tastes roughly like a half-chewed Big Mac was deposited into a white corn tortilla. Iceberg lettuce, “special sauce” and new oddly shaped beef patties are not what we should be eating as human beings who respect ourselves. It is OK when stoned, but there is better food to eat at this price point, I recommend a tripe taco for $1.75 at an El Tonyanese truck if you want a tasty snack minus the self-loathing.

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