Bicycles
In case you didn't already know about The Wiggle, the Lower Haight bike route now has musical PSA announcing its presence. Perhaps more interesting is the fact that no one in the video was unceremoniously given wedgie by Zeitgeist's bouncers--that place is really blossoming into adulthood.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
We gotta admit: we're not particularly stoked on the new separated bike lanes along JFK in Golden Gate Park either. We love the fact the city is trying new things, and separated lanes have typically worked well in other cities, but they aren't really panning out in Golden Gate Park. People park their cars in the lanes, use the lanes as sidewalks, have made the approach to stop signs difficult, and people clearly have no idea how to park in the new spots. That's not to say the idea should be dismissed entirely--not at all. The city could put up new signage explaining the situation, install a curb between the bike lanes and the parking spaces, or actually stripe out specific spaces for people to park. You know, address the problems.
But KRON's Stanley Roberts! Fuck! People are Behaving Badly, you see, and those people are the government experimenting with improving our transportation. Grrrrrrrrr, Stanley mad!
Naturally, Stanley took his amazing voice and the camcorder he bought off eBay with all the milk money he's been saving up and interviewed a couple of angry (grrrrrrrr) dumb-dumbs in minivans about the problem. And guess what? They hate bicyclists! "Where should bikers be a bikin'?" In the middle of traffic, where they've always been biking. Obviously!
I don't know what my favorite part of the video is: when some green thing claims her door will now get sideswiped when she opens it (because, that's not already a problem on roads without bike lanes. Plus, she wants the American Privilege of opening her door into cyclists, not traffic) or when Stanley doesn't interview a single cyclist, urban planner, or someone who might actually be in favor of the lanes.
Watch below:
[Thanks for the tip, Tuffy! | Photo by SF Bike Coalition]
Previously on Uptown Almanac
We've all been there -- it's raining out, you have somewhere to go, your buddy doesn't want to ride bikes because of the aforementioned rain, so you sack up and hail a cab, prepared to fork over a mini-forturne for a short 10 block ride. This was the case last night as Shmindsay* and I hopped in a cab at 19th and Valencia on our way up to Cafe du Nord. Alas, this was not to be your a-typical cab ride; little did we know that behind the wheel was a cab driver with a serious anger management problem and a dislike for cyclists.
Granted, the cyclist did not have lights on his bike, and it was an honest accident. The cab driver came within centimeters of ending this cyclists life, and naturally, the cyclist was pissed. Words were exchanged between the driver and the cyclist, and then the unthinkable: THE CAB DRIVER SLAMS ON THE GAS AND TRIES TO RUN THE CYCLIST DOWN. The cyclist is screaming at the cabbie, we're in the backseat screaming at the cabbie, and he won't stop. The cyclist maneuvers himself next to the cab and takes a swing at the cab driver and connects. Now the cabbie is super pissed and tries to run him down again, this time by repeatedly throwing the car in reverse then forward again. At this point Shmindsay and I bail out of the cab by doing a barrel roll (literally) and watch the scene unfold. The cyclist is trying to get to the sidewalk out of harms way and the cabbie is still trying to run him over. All parties involved are screaming at each other, I'm frantically writing down license plate, cab number, anything I can get.
After about 5 minutes the cyclist is able to call the cops and the cab driver pulls to the other side of the road and presumably does the same. We stick around, give the cyclist our names and numbers to give to the cops, then decide to walk to rest of the way.
The moral of the story is never take cabs. If you do, ask to see their anger management certificate of completion/marijuana prescription.
*names have been changed to protect those who barrel roll out of moving cabs like a boss/rookie.
It's been a year since the city discussed putting bike lanes allll the way down Folsom Street, and after a year of anticipation, the city has finally gotten around to painting those lanes. So now--praise be to Allah--we can ride our bikes straight from Homestead to the Embarcadero unencumbered by turns.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
I'd like to write about everything that makes this video solid--the camera angles, the editing, the riding, and so on--but, really, sometimes we all need an excuse to listen to Juvenile's Back That Azz Up again.
Plus, it's a good watch if you're stuck at work and want to get jealous about what you could be doing outside in this amazing weather right now. (Who are we kidding? You'd be at the park like everyone else.)
Another new Valencia bike shop, another attempt to smash out a front window. At least they didn't use a brick this time?
Previously on Uptown Almanac
There's been a "string of home invasion bike thefts lately" (a.k.a. garage break-ins) plaguing the La Lengua end of the Mission. Now, from the looks of it, the thief has made his way up to the Inner Mission, prompting this one harassed garage owner at 23rd and South Van Ness to install two exterior padlocks and this lovely sign, thanking the thief, in advance, for ceasing his break-in attempts.
Anyway, if you've been suffering from break-in bike thefts lately and would like this sign for yourself, all you need is a cordless drill, a Phillips bit, and 30 seconds of your time.
Do you have a bike? And a dog? And a pair of black socks and blue glasses and no history of back pain? Then Timbuk2's absolutely 100% totally real new Clifford bag is for you:
Dogs don't *really* like to walk, particularly big ones. Do your pooch a favor and put him in your pack. The Clifford Canine Carrier was designed with big dogs in mind. Its waterproof TPU liner and tether with clip ensure that all the business stays inside while you romp around outside. Core strength, balance, and non-hostile relationship with your dog are recommended for optimal use.
And here it is in action:
Only 120 bucks!
Previously on Uptown Almanac
That's one bike, locked to another bike, locked to another bike, locked to ANOTHER BIKE!
Previously on Uptown Almanac
If you suffered the misfortune of not attending Cyclecide's Heavy Pedal Crank Art Exhibition, here is a brief look at the brilliantly creative bicycle hooey you missed:
What we have here is a functional, playable electric guitar bicycle thingy. I have no idea how real guitars work (other than that heroin addicts pick them up and make beautiful sounds), never mind a bicycle electric guitar. But I was assured by a handsome scumbag in a denim vest that it most certainly played music, despite its burdening weight.
This is a custom lowrider with a bejeweled seatpost and a smoking baby gripping a nip of Jack.
I was told Cyclecide is no longer permitted to ride the Bomb Bike within a 6 block radius of Civic Center Plaza anymore (I was not actually told this).
This bike punches the dumb fucks in front of you hogging the bike lane.
Finally, this beautiful Mad Max monstrosity really stole the show. It features a detachable sidecar, ammo storage, "oh shit" bars, fuel canisters (for burning down the state, or something), bells, whistles, and countless cup holders for bottles of bourbon.
With that, I must implore you to check out Cyclecide's next show, so follow their blog and keep up to date.
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