Sunset District

A Fresh Round of Parody San Francisco Neighborhood Shirts and Posters!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A million years ago, the guys at Ape Do Good Printing put together a killer set of parody Michael Schwab shirts, featuring a truck full of dead pigs for Chinatown and a crusty gutter punk for The Haight.  We clamored for someone to design more of 'em, but it never happened.

Well, fortunately for us, designer Irina Blok came across our call and accepted the challenge over the weekend.  And, if I do say so myself, these make a fine addition to the originals (although maybe SOMA's cute lil' sidewalk poo should have a box over it?)

If you want to get one of these for yourself, they'll be up on Irina's CafePress in the next day or two.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

The Sunset From the Academy of Sciences Roof is Pretttty Nice

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I've gone to a few NightLife events over the years, but never thought about going up on the roof at sunset.  Mistake!  You've got a perfect view of the de Young, Golden Gate Park's famed flora, and the last throes of sunlight battling the fog.  And after enjoying the show for a few minutes, you realize it's kinda cold up there and go back inside and watch baby ostriches be baby ostriches while Dan the Automator plays Dan the Automator.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Stereotypes are fun and easy

— By Alan Fineberg |

After living in San Francisco for two years now, I have realized that a) I am an expert regarding all things San Francisco and b) it is a 7x7 amusement park for adults (look no further than this blog for evidence).

Since I am an expert I have compiled this list of amusement park rides and their corresponding neighborhoods, but it is incomplete. Which theme park ride is YOUR neighborhood?

The Marina

this one is easy

Nob Hill

also obvious

SOMA

bicycle through THIS

The Sunset

who invented this ride anyway?

The Richmond

you know…the windmill…work with me here…

The Tenderloin

couldn't find a good haunted house picture so I just uploaded this picture of the TL

The Mission

stuck in the same place and likely to vomit

North Beach

Coit Tower of Terror

Not sure about these, please help:

Pac Heights: one with no line to get in?

The Castro: ball pit? they are both made of rainbows, that's all

FiDi: house of mirrors?

The Haight: carney quarters? I think this is offensive (to carneys!!)

Bayview: one of those games with water pistols or something

Other neighborhoods: can't think of any!

pictures from:

Bike Basket Pies rides off into the sunset

— By Alan Fineberg |

Dear, dear friend of ours Natalie Galatzer has been producing and trafficking pies for 2 years via her one-woman company, Bike Basket Pies. But as all good things must end, June is the last month to have cupcake-sized pies delivered via bicycle to your door, dog kennel, dark frightening alley, moving car, or anywhere else a bicycle can go.

Bye, bye, Miss Bike Basket Pie (photo by Andy Smith)

Grinding 50-80 hour weeks for 2 years to run a business by yourself AND work a day job is exhausting. It also deprives you of experiencing first-hand the community you're serving. Natalie is ready to return to saner hours and reconnect with a world which keeps turning as she bakes into the wee hours of morning.

June 29 is the end day to experience a Bike Basket Pie. Try a shaker lemon pie; you may indulge in Meyer lemons foraged from this blogger's own backyard!

Hyper-local lemons

Pie production and trafficking is a jungle. Welcome back, Natalie, to so-called civilization.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Fecal Face recently published this ghastly photo of a Sunset District compost bin with a major poultry problem.  Seems like this might be some sort of health code violation, although listed under the “acceptable green waste materials” section of Recology's website is “Food Scraps (Anything that used to be alive).”  Well, shit, that's one way to word it.

Anyway, I imagine a pack of feral cats is now calling the area around this compost bin home.

San Franciscans Flock to Ocean Beach to Watch Incoming Tsunami

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I woke up this morning to news of a tsunami barreling towards the California coast and quickly got my things together to head towards the beach and check it out.  Then I took a step back and thought about how this would play out:

  1. The waves would be small and I would have gone across town for nothing.
  2. I die.

Apparently all these other San Franciscans didn't come to the same conclusion.

[photo by ava]

N Judah Drives Man to Smoke Crack, Uptown Reader Forgets How to Hold iPhone

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I realize the N Judah is quite possibly the most infuriating, crowded, slow, and self-medication demanding form of public transportation in the world, but there is absolutely no excuse for not knowing how to hold an iPhone while shooting video.

To assist us in this simple “How to hold and iPhone while recording video” tutorial, I've enlisted our 4 o'clock hour college dorm-room buddy, SpongeBob:

In the first photo, SpongeBob is hanging out in Dolores Park amongst the endless fields of flowers and skies of butterflies we've come to enjoy on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, SpongeBob has downed a 40 of Olde English and smoked half a bag of grass, so he is shooting video vertically.  SpongeBob should be shot.

In the second photo, SpongeBob is 'shredding mad trail' on his mountain bike.  Of course, he's riding no handed so he can record some sick youtubes of his adventure.  SpongeBob should win an Oscar.

Folks, crackheads will always be crackheads, but we San Franciscans can come together to teach people how to properly hold their iPhones.

San Francisco Motorcycle Cops Trained as Daredevils

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ocean Beach Bulletin, my preferred source for news about sand, hips us to this 1912 newsreel featuring an SFPD motorcycle unit that leaps from their bikes into the windows of speeding vehicles as their bikes crash into the sand dunes.  Why were these badasses doing such a thing?  Well, back in the day, the Great Highway was the local drag racing strip, which SFPD was clearly not thrilled about.  OBB explains:

In the 1950s and 1960s, the Great Highway was a popular place for teens to drag race, even if the winner often met a waiting SFPD squad car just past the finish line at Lincoln Way or Sloat Boulevard. Racing began to fade away after the Golden Gate National Recreation Area took over Ocean Beach in the 1970s. When the Great Highway received a shoreline makeover in the early 1990s with a median strip, walking paths, stoplights and crosswalks, dragging for pink slips was gone for good. At least I hope it’s gone, now that I am a sober man of middle years who regrets the reckless ways of his youth.

Mid-century teenagers didn’t invent speeding on the Great Highway. Joy riders on the scenic road were a recognized nuisance from the early 1900s. In 1912, the city’s Police Commission responded by forming a 30-officer motorcycle squad just to patrol Golden Gate Park and Ocean Beach. The officers invented some daring tactics to deal with speeders, as this old newsreel demonstrates.

Should SFPD revive this mayhem fleet?  Have them start tackling messengers as they bomb through red lights during alleycats?  Perhaps leap from their bike when an unsuspecting hipster cracks open a Tecate in Dolores?  I think the answer is an easy yes.

(link)

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