— By Kate Horton |
So, it’s approaching that time of year again kids. BAY TO MOTHERFUCKING BREAKERS.
I’m sure, like me, you’ve been up late at night worrying over what super unique ensemble you’re going to put together for Douchebag Pride Parade 2010. And oh boy is it ever tough to decide which posse of assholes to hang with while you sleaze your way through the City.
Well worry no more. The Jersey Shore To Breakers float has got you covered!
The fine folks behind this fraternity on wheels are super pumped to announce “the return of the biggest and best float at Bay To Breakers” and this year’s theme is…OMG wait for it…the Jersey Shore! So original!
So much about this pisses me off, I don’t know where to start.
First of all, you can’t dress up like a bunch of douchebags when you already ARE a bunch of douchebags. This is like Jeffrey Dahmer going as a serial killer for Halloween. If you already own an Ed Hardy shirt, you can’t dress up as a person who would wear an Ed Hardy shirt because YOU ALREADY ARE THAT PERSON.
Second, this group wants you to know that they are totally all about preserving “the tradition of B2B.” Wow, what a noble fucking cause. How generous of you to take time out of your busy schedule of sauntering down Chestnut and date-raping to save the very event people like you helped ruin. I tip my trucker hat to you, right after I barf in it.
Fuck Bay To Breakers. Shit’s deader than Lindsay Lohan’s career. There was a time when it was more than a parade of 22-year-old frat boys & sorority sluts who can’t get over college puking their way down Fell Street. For fuck’s sake, my dad ran that shit and he was not a man to put up with bullshit, but B2B has been gentrified by scumbags and mental midgets just like everything else that used to be cool in SF.
I hate that people like this live in my city and think that spending a Sunday pissing and puking while wearing ironic running shorts and sweatbands has anything to do with what San Francisco is all about. I can’t wait until they all trade in their overpriced Marina flats for comfortable deathtraps in the suburbs and get the fuck out of town.
Why the rage? It’s simple. You don’t go to someone’s house, piss all over their couch, and then wonder why they hate you.
Comments (15)
I’m lovin’ Hate Week on Uptown Almanac.
Girls with potty mouths are like girls passed out on the curb with no under wear. Only douche’s find them attractive.
And me.
Oh wait.
Sorry, Mom.
Also, Kate, don’t front like you haven’t been putting in your GLT time down in the marina: You’ve got the crown to prove it.
‘Tis why my fury is so potent. I sweat with these people.
I believe you mean GTL.
The more a girl curses the more likely it is she will be good in bed.
I curse, am awful in bed, and only dooshbags find me attractive.
While I approve of this message (and hating in general), I’m still going to sit in the panhandle and get drunk. Anyone who wants join and watch the shitshow is welcome, but I probably won’t make an eventbrite page about it.
but don’t forget the benefits of the parade…you can sell PBRs to drunks for $4 a pop and they usually don’t even stay around to get change….
Easy fix: invade the marina on B2B weekend and enjoy it while it is temporarily free of douchebags.
I get your hate, but it’s a bit misguided to leer exclusively at those who live in the Marina. I don’t know what shenanigans are going on north of Geary, but much of what you describe happens throughout the Mission every weekend, an area whose shenanigans I live with.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I hate everyone in the Mission also. This particular post’s rage is just Marina specific.
This is ether a guy that needs to get laid, or a girl that needs to lose weight.
Never the less…..calm down. Its not that serious..