What did you get for Valentine's Day?

I got urine. We let some creeper status sleep on the couch after we got back around 6am from the “Black Valentine Masquerade” at Mighty last night/morning. It wasn’t a Masquerade really so much as a bunch of burners on shitty drugs trying to find any sort of underlying rhythm to dance to within the constant wave of maxed out bass in between taking cigarette breaks every fifteen minutes to grind their teeth and talk about how to get more shitty drugs. Anyways, the lame club party isn’t the point of this post.

Someone PEED ON MY COUCH. Like slept on the motherfucker and released the contents of his bladder. We think we know the culprit and we want you to know, if you’re out there, we’re coming for you.

As soon as it is confirmed, I will be posting pictures and information on the individual who pissed on my sofa. I would like to propose that everyone in the Mission (and maybe Northern California) engage in a good old fashioned shunning of this whiz-kid for the forseeable future. We can put flyers up:

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY? KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ANYTHING YOU LOVE, HE WILL FALL ASLEEP AND PEE ON IT

The amount of rage I felt as I stepped out of my bedroom into my living room to do a typical sunday morning damage report and saw that my couch was soggy made me feel like going to WalMart and breaking 20+ LCD TVS . As my coffee steeped in the french press, I turned my back to the stain. I turn around and the stain is still there. It seems that this tainted furniture is a reality of my life for now.

Mission, we must band together, this day. We must create a pariah. Do it for my couch, your couch, your children’s children’s hovercouches.

Comments (16)

hey at least he got both cushions!

It was probably Serg

I second bailey. Don’t pretend you’ve never done the same. We all know you have along with almost every other man out there (and some ladies) at one point or another in their drinking careers (particularly during that period in college spent binging the night away.)

It’s also the risk you take when you let drugged out drunkies sleep on your couch.

Deal with it.

It’s one thing to pee on a couch. It’s one thing to get so wasted you piss the bed. Or whatever. We’re human. We have bodies. They make mistakes.

It’s another thing to expect your fucking host to clean up your urine after you. It would have killed Phantom Pisser to take the pillows into the bathroom? Run them under the water for a few minutes? At least make some effort to get the piss out?

How low are we setting the bar these days?

It’s like that time that homeless dude stole all my food, and the frat boys drank all my beer.

Dude, like, unexpected! How was I to know – oh wait.

Considering I’m an Olympic-class drinker and have never even managed to piss myself, I don’t know why everyone thinks this is to be expected.

first of all, you stayed at the “lame club party” till 6 am? it was so lame you had to stay there all night? did somebody force you to?

secondly, you let one of the “burners on shitty drugs trying to find any sort of underlying rhythm to dance to within the constant wave of maxed out bass in between taking cigarette breaks every fifteen minutes to grind their teeth and talk about how to get more shitty drugs,” and are surprised that they pissed your couch?

i don’t even get the point of this post. the situation is obviously nobody’s fault but your own.

i think the mission should band together against dudes like you.

You’re very right Kitten. Luckily, I don’t know who you are and likely neither does anyone else so I don’t have to worry about your opinion becoming a fad. You keep commenting on websites, I’ll keep on having fun and writing about it in the morning.

your couch got pissed on likely because of the freemason parapheralia on your coffeetable, fuck yo couch ya whiny pseudo sophisticate

…says the guy commenting on a blog at 1:30am.

Or you could just not let strangers sleep on your couch. Who does that?

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