Bicycles

"Kid’s so god damn nuts I’ll forgive him for wearing his sister’s pants"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Albe's Zack Gerber Edit from Albe's BMX on Vimeo.

One of my favorite things in the world is to hear what people from states that don't border a major body of water think of cool kid culture.  For example, one of my buddies from the Flagstaff AZ area was up here this weekend so, naturally, I took him by Dolores Park:

“I can't believe how many guys wear women's pants and ride track bikes.”

(laughing) “They aren't women's pants.”

“Really?  I thought that was the hipster thing?  Go into the women's section and find the tightest fitting jeans possible.”

“No, those are 'skinnies' and companies make men's styles.”

“That's fucked.”

Anyways, this morning I see that choice quote from Big Johnny, another guy from Flagstaff, on Drunk Cyclist talking about some BMXbro doing 'sick shit' without brakes.  So, apparently based on my sample of 2 people, everyone in Flagstaff thinks the Mission is full of cross-dressers.  Also, watch the video.  Wait until the billboard to house to street shot.  Fucking nuts.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

BREAKING NEWS: Hipster-hating gets way too real

— By Zach Perkins |

(DRAMATIC RE-ENACTMENT, PRETEND THE TRICYCLE IS A CAR)

(All legit info bitten directly from the 'professional' journalists at KTVU; read some real news coverage here)

KTVU (try saying that out loud without following it up with a “FOX 2!”) is reporting that a motorist went on a rampage in the Mish and Potrero Hill tonight.  Four cyclists were the victims of consecutive hit and run attacks, presumably by the same aggbro.  Emergency response units were first called in at 9:45pm.  SFPD Lt. Lyn Tomioka told KTVU that the assaults occurred at the following locations:

  1. 2700 block of Harrison.
  2. 2800 block of 24th.
  3. Intersection of 23rd and Pennsylvania. 
  4. 17th and Missouri.

Three of the cyclists have been hospitalized and all are expected to survive.  The perp fled on foot like a little bitch after the 17th and Missouri assault.  Alright Mission, grab your pitchforks and find this douchebag, he's out there hurting people and giving us armchair haters a bad name.  Feel free to submit any sketches/artist renderings of the suspect to us at mailto:holler@uptownalmanac.com

In light of these events and out of respect for the victims I'm asking for a moment of silence, a 40oz of Colt 45 to be spilt at each location, and a full 24 hours without any 'fixie' jokes.  I'm looking at you Kevin.

(Author's note: In all seriousness, I hope everyone is okay.   Let's hope this fucktard gets caught and prosecuted quickly.)

McLaren Park Could Once Again Have a Bike Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Did you know that McLaren Park was once a 70s hot bed of Bay Area BMX racing?  Well, with any luck, SF Urban Riders are going to turn it into one again.  You know what that means?  A place for teenagers to drink after school.  THE HORROR.

But really, this is a great project and I hope it goes through.  If you also hope it goes through, there is a very important planning meeting happening this Wednesday the 19th at 6:30 at the Louis Sutter Roadhouse.  Go and fight the NIMBYs.

More information (and pics!) of McLaren’s bicycle past.

More information (with pics of how crappy the park is now!) of McLaren’s bicycle future.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 
iBike

Another Bike Company Comes to the Mission: Public Bikes

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I biked to work today because someone told me I was supposed to and while as I was approaching 17th on Harrison, I noticed something that looked very similar to a warehouse full of bikes.  Turns out Harrison is the new home to the week-old Public Bikes, a company selling commuter bikes targeting the “new to biking” demographic.

The bike industry is usually full of alcoholics and people that would rather ride bikes than sell bikes, so I was pretty impressed with how together they had their whole operation.  Rows of branded bike boxes, a clean image and mechanics that don’t looks like they have a hunting knife in one pocket and a flask in the other.

Their website is a shining example of what a bike company in this space should be doing:

  1. Here are our bikes.
  2. Here are the colors.
  3. Here are some pictures of pretty SoHo moms riding bikes.
  4. Here are some accessories that will make your bike better (LIKE BASKETS FULL OF BEER)
  5. Give us your money.

They clearly are not targeting the Mission 20-something demographic, but there isn’t anything inherently wrong with that.  That said, the above picture made me WTF.  This is not the type of bike someone would bring to Bender’s + ‘drop mad game’ with, so why even play that angle?

Anyway, bikes start at $600 bucks, which is fair price for a relatively light-weight bike that actually functions.

Angsty Hipster Cutting Spokes on Fixies in the Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Walked out of a bar a few days ago to find this.  As a former bike mechanic, I can tell you that spokes don’t just snap in the middle of the spoke.  Especially when the bike is parked.  Listen hookers, this isn’t like slashing tires.  We can’t just go to Pep Boys, play on our iPhone for 30 minutes and be on our way.  No, we have to drag our bikes home, leave it in the garage for 4 months until we get the motivation to fix it and use our roommate’s less-fun bike for a few months without him knowing about it.  Fuck, now he knows.

Pages