People

Mimi Vilmenay

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Mimi @ The Purple Onion from Azure Valencia on Vimeo.

I don't know Mimi, but she has a pretty decent Twitter, an even more decent Tumblr, apparently hates her ex-husband and likes blow jobs.  The reason I bring her up is that this clip is the first of her stand-up I've heard and, let me tell you, it was a pleasure to listen to while I cooked my beans and rice.  More importantly, she's performing at the Madrone Art Bar this Wednesday, October 6th at 7pm.

One-Woman Act

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Last evening I stumbled across this one-woman act jamming for mad tips on Valencia.  Sadly I didn't have my blogphone on me, but lucky for us, Nuzz did.  For some reason, her crazy setup and walk reminded me of one of those wind-up monkeys with a tambourine, only with much better music and nicer shoes.

(photo by nuzz)

The Video Answer to I Live Here SF: Neighbors

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Neighbors: Richard Vivian (Trailer) from Agency Charlie on Vimeo.

Definitely digging Agency Charlie's new project “Neighbors.”  It seems a lot like I Live Here:SF, only it's video and less populated with people abusing the project for free headshots.  Plus, it's full of local characters doing great shit like running soul record stores in Lower Haight or being a crazy eccentric cat lady who drinks a lot of sparkling water and is all about fruits and nuts.

The working title for the project is Neighbors, a series of short stories about individuals from various neighborhoods in San Francisco. Part conversational interview, part documentary – we get to know the individual in the context of their work and home environments, in order to gain a deeper understanding of their influences on the community.

I'm not sure how you can follow the progress of the project, but you can subscribe to Agency Charlie's vimeo feed.

(Thanks to The Tiffy for the heads up!)

"Remember who yo friends!"

— By Zach Perkins |

I may be an entitled self-righteous cracker, but I'd rather be that than this shit eating honky.

I had originally hoped for this to be a post of the “awww, see? the po-po ain't so bad!” variety. Sadly, that was not the result.

Just before going to bed I noticed the flash of red and blue lights from outside my window. In the center lane of Geary Blvd was an asian woman standing next to a dead VW Beetle. The lights were off, engine cut, hood popped, and a squad car was parked behind. As traffic diverted around; cued in by the flashing lights of not one but two SFPD patrol cars, the officers approached her with portable car battery jumper kit. I had my “awww” moment, and grabbed my phone to take a picture in case I later deemed the event 'bloggable'.

My positive feelings and good will toward the law enforcement officers of the world hit their peak as the car was resurrected and an ethnic officer explained to the woman that she needed to keep driving to make sure the battery recharged fully. She then put her hands together, made a bowing motion toward the police and said something with an accent that lead me to believe that english was not her first language. That's when all my sentimental feelings came to a screeching halt.

The only white officer, a short sleeved turd donning a shit-eating grin and the car jumper kit, said (very loudly) “WHO YO FRIENDS?” in the most offensive imitation of an asian accent I've ever heard.

“WHO YO FRIENDS? POLICE IS YO FRIENDS! REMEMBER WHO YO FRIENDS!”

I really, really wanted to feel good about the SFPD and cops in general, and for a split second I did. I guess that was naive of me.  Fuck you honky.

UPDATE: 5 minutes later the same two squad cars pulled over a vehicle in the exact same spot. I now recognize the hispanic officer as the same cop who acted as a plain clothes decoy on my block last week. He, along with about 8 motorcycle cop buddies, were running a scam in which he would walk directly into traffic at an intersection without a traffic light or stop sign (AT 8AM DURING THE MORNING COMMUTE YOU FUCKING FUCKS) so they could ticket anyone and everyone who didn't slam on their breaks and get rear ended the second he started jay walking.

Fuck the police and their ability to alienate everyday people and be complete dicks even when they're supposedly doing something positive.  They are equally responsible for the bullshit 'us v them' climate of opposition between cop and citizen. 

Gentrification

Is Oakland Stealing the Mission's Scene?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Are historically all-black bars turning into hipster dives a sign that Oakland is ‘fucking over’?

Are historically all-black bars turning into hipster dives a sign that Oakland is ‘fucking over’?

The good olde days of 1999 are long gone, Chris Daly’s war on Mission gentrification is over—“La Mission” lost and the gentrifying forces of decades past are moving back—and the neighborhood’s transition towards Noe Valley is cemented (hell, realtors are already carving up the neighborhood).  With rising rents, a fleeing art scene and neighborhood concerns shifting towards public drinking, the same types of bleeding-edge cool that made the Mission accessible in the late-80s/early-90s are packing up their bags and settling in all parts of Oakland (this very blog has lost two contributors to Oakland in recent months).  Well, according to THE OAKBOOK, Oakland is now experiencing the same gentrification woes that the Mission experienced during the dot-com boom:

[Moving into West Oakland is] a trend that started earlier in parts of North Oakland - young white families or singles moving into neighborhoods that had been predominately black or Latino. Gentrification is usually derided by people who are concerned the old residents are being pushed out of their neighborhoods. The fact that parts of West Oakland are being transformed is particularly striking because the area has been the heart and soul of Oakland’s African American community, historically and culturally.

It also speaks to a citywide trend - the dramatically decreasing African American population. From its peak as 47 percent of the population in 1980, the proportion has dropped to 29.8 percent, according to the U.S. Census American Community Survey in 2006 -08. Between 2000 and 2008, 34,000 African Americans left the city, the largest exodus in Oakland’s history. It would seem that Oakland’s days as a predominately black city, with the attendant influence on politics and culture, are numbered.

That’s right, young white people, in search of cheaper rents, better street art and music (I mean, Third Eye Blind vs. E-40 COMEON), are throwing their hands up in the air and moving across the Bay.  What does this mean for Oakland and it’s African-American population?  Well, OAKBOOK is putting together a multi-part series on exactly that, but you’re going to have to wait for it (hint: it doesn’t look good).  In the meantime, what’s happening to the Mission?  With the cost of living in the Mission going up and the quality of weekends in the neighborhood plummeting (remember the days, like, in 2008, when the bars were not fucking packed all the time?), it’s no surprise that there are more fixies in the Richmond and more rocking house parties in West Oakland.  Is the Mission a sinking ship (with Dolores Park being our life raft)?

(photo of the Heart and Dagger Saloon beer garden by Paula Wirth)

Just Your Average Sunday in San Francisco

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Man, what a Sunday.  In what had to have been the first sunny day in San Francisco since 1997, there was an endless supply of great things to do.  A nice bike ride along Ocean Beach during Sunday Streets, checking out the vendors and bands at Rock Make in the Mission, rocking out to They Might Be Giants and Rouge Wave at Stern Grove, maybe just a peaceful, albeit traffic infested bike ride along the coast in Marin.  Or you could have, yet again, just hung out with thousands of your coolest friends in Dolores Park to witness to the day's ultimate freak show.

How to Win at Dolores Park

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

This dude has single-handedly redefined what it means to chill in Dolores Park: hanging out by himself, dressed to best, lounging in a beach chair while strumming his guitar.  If he didn't bring home a gang of groupies at the end of the day, I'm going to be severely disappointed in humanity.

Do Skechers Shape-Ups 4realz Shape You Up?

— By Jenny Wilson |

                 Will Skechers Shape-Ups bring Joe Montana out of retirement?

                 Will Skechers Shape-Ups bring Joe Montana out of retirement?

I’ve been noticing a growing trend of women clad in sweat pants and Skechers Shape-Ups around the city and I think that someone needs to say something about it.  I probably shouldn’t be writing this post as I’ve been saying that I am going to join a gym for, well, 6 months now.  But fuck it.  This is why people have blogs amirite?  So we can be dicks about stuff without any self reflection?  Or maybe that’s just why I blog.  In either case, August is a slow bloggin’ month for me and Uptown Almanac has become a focal point of guilt/obligation/obsession because of this.  So, I think the only cure for this self-imposed guilt is to take a moment to hash out my growing despise for women in Skechers Shape-Ups!

I didn’t really think about the whole Skechers Shape-Ups phenomena until recently when I was dropping off Zach at some liquor store near our friend Clark’s house a few weeks ago.  Approaching 23rd and Mission, it hit us.  Is there 4realz a Skechers store in the Mission that’s actually still in business?  WTF?  Seems like that space should be some sort of Toms mega store where trustafarians can purchase ugly footwear by the bulk, and subsequently feel like a saint becuz every horrible Toms fashion choice is a great choice for humanity! Meaning, every pair of Toms shoes purchased means another pair of Toms shoes for some kid in a developing country.  Win win, but I’m really digressing from the point here.  Point is, why is there a huge Skechers store in the Mission, and why do women wear Shape-Ups?

I get the idea of being lazy and getting fit at the same time, it’s the American dream!  But, isn’t there another way to be lazy and get fit that doesn’t offend my eyes?  The other day I was in the gallery that I work in when some lady strolled up in her Shape-Ups, decked out in some sort of ensemble with an elastic waste, acrylic nails, and comically accessorized her work-out fit with A BIG GULP acting like she owwwwned the place.  THESE are the people wearing Shape-Ups you guys.  I approached her, and in the best Dumb and Dumber impression I could possibly muster I said, “big gulps, huh?” and proceeded to ask her about her Shape Ups.  “Are they toning your butt and flattening your abs?”  The woman, the unsuspecting victim of my boredom just kinda looked at me, said she had a long day, and turned to leave.

Did I offend her and her Big Gulps?  Or was she simply trying to prove a point by walking out with her firm ass in my face. IDK, cuz nothing seemed too firm cept the Big Gulp in her hand.  But do Shape-Ups really shape you up?  The Huffington Post reports that according to the American Council on Exercise, ‘simply no evidence to support the claims that these shoes will help wearers exercise more intensely, burn more calories or improve muscle strength and tone.’ Skechers (and Joe Montana!) disagrees.

Do you have Shape-Ups?  Are your eyes offended by Shape-Ups?  Do you think that after a year of wearing Shape-Ups, Joe Montana will come out of retirement?  Who is buying Skechers in the Mission?  If you were going to buy Shape-Ups would you do it in the Mission?  If Skechers gave away a free pair of Shape-Ups to kids in developing countries for every pair you purchased would you buy Shape-Ups? Or would that be fucked up because kids in developing countries are already skinny?  Want to go get Big Gulps later?  Huh?

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