Mission District

What Does One See on a Walking Tour of Capp Street?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I've been noticing an uptick in walking tours going up and down Capp St. lately.  Don't get me wrong, I think Capp Street is a mighty fine street, but what is there to really see?  Let's take a look:

Adam Infanticide street art.

Homeless men defecating in their hands.

A home full of hipsters.

Homicide.

Beautiful Victorian Architecture.

        

El Trebol.

A gelato shop neighboring a cupcake shop.

Underage prostitution. 

Cats sitting in windows.

Obnoxious hipsters taking your photo from their bedroom windows.

And don't forget about the crackhead following you down the street eyeing your belongings.

(underage prostitution pic by troy holden)

Bike Thief Caught in the Act Last Night at Pop's

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Speaking of bike theft in the Mission, it sounds like shit also went down at Pop's last night.  From a reader who'd prefer to stay anonymous:

major drama at pop's last night. i guess some dude caught this latino guy wearing ed hardy trying to steal his bike and started confronting him. the bartender got in the middle of it, got up into the thiefs face and started yelling at him to get a real job and stop stealing peoples shit. i started taking pictures, but the thief's buddy started yelling “this girls taking pictures! this girls taking pictures!” i went back into the bar and the friend followed me and cornered me in the bar to make sure i didn't take his pic. i have no idea if they called the cops or what happened to the bike thief because i got the fuck outta there.

For the interested, this is the same dude that we posted about back in August.  Lock yer shit up, people.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Update: Bike Thieves Still Suck

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A few weeks ago, a buddy of mine cracked his bike frame in four places.  So, less than a week ago, he picked up a new frame and some parts from Mission Bicycle that set him back a few hundred dollars.  All good, right?  Well, last night I had persuaded him to roll down the hill from Alamo Square to Doc's Clock.  After a couple of pints and a pinball ass-whooping delivered by yours truly, we made our way to the sidewalk only to find his bike short a few necessary components.

While you might think the story ends there, it doesn't.  His girlfriend picks him up in her car at 1:30am, they toss the bike on her bike rack and drive off.  Well, at some point during the drive home, the entire rack fell off the car.  As you can imagine, they couldn't find it.

In short:

  1. Fuck bike thieves.
  2. Bad luck does come in threes.
  3. If you happened to come across an reddish fixie missing a front wheel attached to a bike rack in the middle of the road late last night, do let us know.

Take it away, Bruce McCulloch:

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

BIG NEWS in Pinball

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you really needed another reason to visit Doc's Clock, they recently got their hands on a brand new Indiana Jones pinball machine.  Like, BRAND NEW.  Fresh out of the box.  As any other Bay Area pinball snob can tell you, this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL because most pinball machines in this city are BROKEN PIECES OF SHIT.  Anyway, this machine not only works, which is generally qualification enough, but also has magnets and an epic multiball (see video below).

Plus, if you are lucky, you might also stumble across a guy wearing an Indiana Jones hat playing the machine.

The Curious Case of Chef Alex Jackson

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

pic via SF Weekly.

Grub Street, reporting on the all the World's First World Problems, has uncovered a nefarious plot by an East Coast loser masquerading around San Francisco as a successful chef.  Allegedly, Alex Jackson, the supposed former chef at The Corner, partner at Parada 22, menu-maker at Weird Fish, and future businessman slated to open two new restaurants in the Mission, made most of his resume up (which begs the question, why has the San Francisco media been reporting on this guy for the past year without ever once fact checking?).  Apparently Alex, who has claimed to be former banker at Goldman Sachs and come from a family fortune, is actually a broke-ass loser from Chattanooga, TN named Jonathan M. Jackson, who doesn't actually have any plans to open any restaurants and never co-owned a restaurant in the city.

Anyway, the story is far too complex to sum up in an entire paragraph.  Just trust me when I say that in the two years I've been reading SF food blogs, this is, by far, the most interesting thing I've read on that particular scene.  I mean, it has falsified identity, media manipulation, and fraud all in one story.  Drammmmmmmaaaaaa.

What The Hell Are Up With These Ducks?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I can't take this anymore.  I first saw these ducks pasted up next to Philz and I exclaimed, “Whoa, this is neat!”  Then I saw them somewhere in SOMA next to some Black Eyed Peas and Michael Jackson posters and mumbled, “Uhhhh….”  Then again spotted on Valencia and realized I was freaking people by talking to myself as I clutched a camera.  Anyway, I think you get the point.  I like the fact that these ducks are being pasted up around town.  After all, ducks are rad because the quack, eat bread, and they're ducks.  BUT I KNOW THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING and it's driving me FUCKING NUTS.

Please, someone end THIS FUCKING TORTURE and fill me in.

Also, the “Be Nice SF” hearts?  FUCKING RAD.

HANGR 16 Pops Up on 16th

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you made it out to the Mission Holiday Block Party this past weekend, you might have spotted a long and narrow, white walled clothing shop blasting electronic music and pouring wine for everyone who walked in to door.  That sounds like every store in the Mission, you say?  Well, I'm talking specifically about HANGR 16, the new clothing pop-up shop on 16th directly across from Monk's Kettle, which sells shirts, hoodies, ties, dresses and other fashionable items from various Mission designers.  They tell me the name HANGR comes from the fact the place looks like an aircraft hangar and clothes are hung on hangers.  Apparently they couldn't decide between hangar or hanger, so they just added a dash of web 2.0, dropped the vowel and, voila, HANGR 16.

The most important thing about this clothing pop-up is you can score some rad t-shirts there, such as the beauty that depicts a drunk DPT parking officer crashing into a meter as a pigeon smoking a cigarette and wearing a fedora looks on.  Yeah, let that all soak in.

3128 16th Street. Open now until December 23rd.

Partial Oddfellow

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Regardless of why Oddfellow didn't complete the ears of Overbite, I think we can all agree that this incomplete piece looks rad.

The Uptown Reimagined With Dogs, Dinosaurs and Unicorns

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The Uptown, the dimly-lit bar full of beer-soaked couches, vandalized wooden tables, a machine full of 80s arcade games, and jukebox that has both Crystal Castles and Metallica on it, is already a rad spot.  Hell, I cannot think of a single thing I'd change about it.  That said, if they changed their name to Downtown, started serving root beer floats and began admitting dogs from the 70's, I don't think I'd complain.

$350.  On sale now at Fabric8. 

(Work by Adrianna Bamber)

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