Mission District

Plans Unveiled for Urban Putt, The Mission's Forthcoming Mini Golf Course

After preemptively apologizing for looking to bring an indoor mini golf course to the Mission, Urban Putt owner Steve Fox is moving forward with his project to do just that.  And ahead of tomorrow's Planning Commission hearing, which will decide the future of the project, Fox submitted his plans for the conversion of an abandoned mortuary on 22nd and South Van Ness into the neighborhood's latest alcoholic playland:

[Steve Fox] proposes to establish a restaurant and miniature golf course (d.b.a. Urban Putt) with extended hours of operation of 6:00a.m. to 12:00a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and from 6:00a.m. to 2:00a.m. Friday and Saturday. The approximately 2,100 square foot miniature golf course would be located only on the ground floor. The restaurant would occupy a portion of the ground floor and the entire smaller second floor, and would use the basement for storage, totaling approximately 7,400 square feet. However, that 7,400 square feet includes bathrooms for both the restaurant and miniature golf patrons, a large amount of circulation space, and approximately 2,200 square feet of storage in the basement.

The proposed use is an independent business that is not a Formula Retail use. The proposed operation is anticipated to employ 55 people; 7 of those employees will be salaried and 48 will be hourly.

With a 6am opening time, it seems Urban Putt is aiming to unseat Clooney's as home to the most strung-out afterparty in the area—a lofty goal, if we do say so.

Of course, with industry backing from the likes of Trick Dog, Mission Bowling Club, and a “well-known restaurant group” prepping kitschy classic California comfort food, it seems doubtful many will be able to swing the cost of teeing off (including this blogger, who lives just a few doors down the once hooker-lined street).  But as we said before, we remain nevertheless stoked to see a local bar doing something rad and unique in the neighborhood.

Below, some additional designs:

Argh, the incorporated a drum circle into this.

The main hall/

Capacity for 375 people!

[h/t Socket Site]

Video Surfaces of Naked, Pissing, Highly-Limber Man Turning BART Station Into Personal Gymboree [UPDATED]

As you may remember, a “naked, spitting and pissing man” laid waste to the 16th and Mission BART station last month, photographed doing the splits by the fearless newshounds of The Bold Italic.  Now a month later, a video has finally surfaced of the full-frontal assault.

The video is fairly disturbing—and certainly NSFW—but in spite of bizarro Reggie Watts' fighting, harassing, and bringing victims to tears, we're nevertheless impressed with his abilities in turning the fare gates into balance beams (which, we hope we thoroughly cleansed after the incident).

Predictably, the majority of passengers cannot be bothered with his theatrics, not even taking out their cellphones for a quick pic of the glistening spectacle.  However, one bike-totting rider at the 2:25 mark gave the collapsed psychotic's butt a nice kick, proving that we haven't forgotten how to check an uncouth man's vital signs.

UPDATE: And here's the video of the arrest:

[Thanks Sam!]

Pork: Coming Soon to a Bathroom Near You

There's lots to love about Muddy Waters, but their bathroom is particularly specular.  Its primary function seems to be giving people a place to scribble the name of the favorite meat product, its second is number two.

But this piece of pork? Beautiful. It's simple and appropriately colored.  And the pig is dead, in case there was any confusion about its origins.

Anyway, now you know I used a bathroom today. Gross.

16th Street Businesses Would Like Someone to Do Something About 16th and Mission

These signs are starting to pop-up in shop windows around 16th and Mission and there's a petition directed toward City Hall to go with them:

We the undersigned are Residents, Merchants and Visitors who use the 16th and Mission Street Bart Station in our daily travels. The area around the station on this corner is deplorable.

We have lived with danger and blight on the corner of 16th and Mission for too long.  Our neighborhood deserves better access to safe, clean and walkable transportation corridors.  Please commit all resources necessary to securing this area for the good of our community, businesses, families and children.

Clean Up The Plaza's website is a little light on details as to what they want done, but we imagine they want more police presence and speedier fecal removal from the clogged escalators.  (But, really, is any of this going to accomplish anything unless all the area SROs magically disappear?)

Valencia Businesses Launch Petition Campaign Opposing Jack Spade

With Adobe Books packing up their 25-year-old 16th Street location, evicted financially by their landlord on behalf of Liz Claiborne's Jack Spade label, the Valencia Corridor Merchants Association is petitioning to keep the luxury men's store from moving into the location.

The organization is hoping to repeat the success of their outreach campaign against American Apparel, which successfully swayed the clothing manufacturer from opening on Valencia in 2009.

“American Apparel made the decision to abort their efforts to open up a retail store in the corridor [in response to community backlash],” Jefferson McCarley of Mission Bicycle told us. “We are hoping that when Jack Spade sees how strongly the community feels about this, they will also decide not to pursue this location here.”

Jack Spade's lease of 3166 16th Street reportedly begins on June 15th, but their opening date remains shrouded in secrecy.  As their move-in looms, the VCMA feels they have exhausted all other means to sway Jack Spade.  The company has refused to engage the local business community, declining through a media spokesman to meet with the organization and discuss alternative locations in the city.  Neighborhood Supervisors Wiener and Campos remain ambivalent towards the the store, and the Planning Department will not host a public meeting on the company, as it ruled the company does not meet the city's “formula retail” definition on a technicality that only 10 of their 13 locations are in the United States.

As Eileen Hassi of Ritual Roasters tells us:

Jack Spade is clearly formula retail by the SF Planning Department's definition, but unfortunately the way the law is written, it's not until AFTER the 11th [U.S.] location that a business is required to have a public hearing.  Without a public hearing, we have to find other means of getting the public's opinion and sharing it with the business and the Planning Department.  What better way than a petition?  It will show that it's a diverse cross-section of the population of the Mission, and of San Francisco, that is opposed to Jack Spade opening on the Valencia Corridor.

She adds:

I'm a fan of the [Planning Department's] hearing process.  I think it works.  I'm happy to say it worked with American Apparel, it worked with the Starbucks that just tried to go in to the Castro, on Market at Sanchez.  It's frustrating that Liz Claiborne/Jack Spade has figured out how to game the process.  It's no accident that this is their 11th US location.  I think the very fact that this multinational corporation figured out the loophole and exploited it should be a very clear message to the Planning Department that the ambiguity of the law should be corrected.

Many have received that message.  Following GANT's controversial opening in Hayes Valley, Supervisor London Breed proposed legislation that would count all worldwide locations when considering a chain's formula retail status.  However, that legislation only applies to Hayes Valley and would not affect Jack Spade.

Supervisor Scott Wiener, whose district includes the planned Jack Spade location, instead favors relaxing formula retail restrictions for the Mission District. Andres Power, legislative aide to the supervisor, has told VCMA members that Wiener would like to increase the allowable number of U.S. locations a store may have to 20.

Dema Grim from DEMA tells us that over 30 stores in the neighborhood are hanging posters promoting the petition in their windows.  At least 20 with host the petition on their sales counter.

The only public supporter the Liz Claiborne subsidiary has found is Phil Lesser of the Mission Merchants Association; however, Spade allegedly had to pay Lesser a hefty sum as a “permit expediter” to get his “blessing.”  The Mission Merchants Association is yet to take a position on the company, but their president, Casanova owner Don Alan, has reportedly told Jack Spade that “they would be unwelcome on the Valencia corridor” and “strongly suggested they look for alternate locations” in the city.

With so few legal options available to the VCMA, they hope that public opinion will convince Jack Spade to explore more commercial locations.

“I don't oppose Jack Spade,” Haley Lynn, manager of Five & Diamond, conceded. “I just oppose them moving into the Valencia Corridor.”

“The best part of San Francisco is all the different feelings in each neighborhood. Each neighborhood really identifies with a certain culture. That atmosphere is created by the merchants and residents in those areas. The Mission District is no exception: it is filled with so much rich, local flavor—people come here looking for a different vibe than they have experienced anywhere else. But if we have multi-national corporations like Jack Spade moving in to the Valencia Corridor, our neighborhood will lose its independent feeling.”

Mark Holcomb, a spokesman for Jack Spade, has not responded to our inquiries.

Pablo Sandoval's Sports Car Gets Benched on Valencia

Signaling Valencia Street has become our generation's Sunset Boulevard, an Uptown Almanac reader sent us pics of Pablo Sandoval broken down outside of Limon, forced to open up the hood of his ridiculous sports car like a pathetic commoner and beg the nearest Hummer Jeep driver to give his battery a jump.

Really, All we need is for Randi Zuckerberg to snort some black tar heroin and violently overdose in her brother's arms outside of Elbo Room and the transformation will be complete.

(Meanwhile:)

[Thanks Jeff!]

Trusted Source in Journalism Misidentifies Best Grilled Mac and Cheese Sandwich

A losing sandwich.

It's hard to get worked up over Best Of lists, the yearly prize dished out by alt-weeklies to whomever advertises the heaviest in the paper.  Really, they're just corrupt BuzzFeed listicles for a bygone era.  However, sometimes they are so unjustly—so tastelessly—awarded that it blows away my already low expectations.

Take SF Weekly's pick for the “Best Gut-Busting Lunch” of 2013:

American Grilled Cheese's Mac N Cheese Grilled Cheese

There's comfort food, and then there's a vortex of comfort food inside more comfort food. A grilled cheese sandwich made with macaroni-and-cheese might be the very manifestation of a San Francisco foodie's id. Gooey, crunchy, and guaranteed to ruin your appetite for the remainder of the day, the sandwich has a simplicity that proves that all that umami nonsense is just a distraction from living out your inner 6-year-old's dream — and all for only $8. How has no one thought of this before? Should you chow down at the Mission location once occupied by Café Gratitude, you get to say, “I am decadent” as you stuff your face.

Dearest SF Weekly: I know the institutional memory is pretty short at a publication that lays off a sizable chunk of its staff every few years, but someone has thought of grilled mac 'n' cheese sandwiches before.  In fact, you awarded top prize in a nearly identical category to them last year.  Their name is Bender's and they do, in fact, make the best grilled mac 'n' cheese gut-buster:

But for those who want to take a real starch + dairy challenge, there's the Grilled Mac 'n' Cheese Sandwich, a creamy behemoth that will take you all night to eat. Two hunks of bread separated by several inches of cheese and elbow pasta — as savory and comforting a combination of food elements as has yet been devised by mankind. It goes without saying that a sandwich like that can absorb its fair share of beer. Also: Tots! A photo booth! Bands!

That isn't to say American Grilled Cheese is a worthless restaurant—it isn't.  They make a perfectly fine sandwich.  But fine isn't the best, is it?

[Photo by Heather Hunsinger]

Rivendell Bikes is Popping-Up on 24th

I was just thinking the Mission was due for a new semi-twee bike shop, and it looks like we're about to get one (but only for nine days only).  Rivendell Bicycle Works will be opening up June 1st next to Wise Sons on 24th, and they'll have all sorts of bike stuff to get your hands on:

There will be bikes to see and touch, art from our other showroom, bags, handlebars. Some free schwag, brochures, coupons, a secret “have to be there to get it” super deal. Small items for sale, and discounted posters. No test rides, sorry, just too much to worry about at the start and our insurance for the rider, well, were not sure about that part.

Our big honkin’ 71cm Homer will be there though. It will be the only bike available for test ride. […]

Opening day is Saturday June 1st. At 5pm Saturday we’re doing something special, a giveaway? Hmm.

Curiously enough, they rented the space they'll be popping-up in on a site called Storefront, which is basically Airbnb for retail space that I shouldn't be at all surprised exists, but, yet, I still am. (And the site has a heavy presence in the Mission, so I expect we will be seeing a lot of pop-ups this summer from businesses that can swing $350+/day rents.  But I digress…)

Rivendell suggests if the store is a “smash success” or they “break even,” they might be sticking around the neighborhood a bit longer. So vote with your dollars, folks. It might get us a new bike shop!

[via RBW Blug]

Good News For Thai House

Despite last weekend's two-alarm fire that burnt out the backs of both We Be Sushi and Thai House, it seems at least one of those restaurants survived and will reopen.  Jeff fills us in:

I ran into Paul the manager of Thai House today and he said they're reopening a week from Friday.  Good news for us Thai food enthusiasts.

Still no word on the condition of We Be Sushi. We'll update if we hear more.

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