Trying to unpack Willie Brown’s baffling column defending Senator Leland Yee is pointless.  I’ve spent far too much time over the last two days attempting to wrap my head around Willie’s World, but Willie’s World seems to have spun off its axis.

“When all is said and done,” Willie ‘splains, “Yee appears to be a petty thief—the guy that walks past the fruit stand and, when you’re not looking, takes an apple and keeps walking.”

A little refresher:

• Leland Yee “stands accused of gun trafficking and six counts of wire fraud.”
• Leland Yee accepted tens of thousands of dollars in bribes for political favors.
• Leland Yee offered to help a businessman aiming to be “the Anheuser-Busch of medical marijuana” push forward a favorable ballot initiative as Secretary of State.
• Leland Yee attempted to facilitate a multi-million dollar weapons deal, which included shoulder-fired rockets.
• Leland Yee’s weapons deal would have involved a known terrorist group in the Philippines.

You know, petty stuff.

What could drive our ex-Mayor to write such a defense?  Perhaps Willie has seen so much shit that simple rocket smuggling and bribery is bush-league nonsense to him?  Maybe Ron Conway wants to keep Leland out of jail?  Is possible that Willie Brown, having endured multiple FBI corruption probes over his “juice clientele,” has developed a persecution complex? (He did, after all, once tell Arnold Schwarzenegger that he doesn’t use e-mail because the “e” stands for “evidence.”)

No.  Willie’s mind is clearly scrambled.  Why else would he be wearing a hat on his hands?

I have concluded the most reasonable explanation for this column is that shortly before he sat down to write it, a massive blood clot became lodged in his posterior cerebral artery, causing him to slur gibberish until he collapsed into unconsciousness.  He then jostled awake and proceeded to droll on his keyboard while he pounded out his twisted plea for tolerance, refusing to be carted off to his neighborhood mob doctor until it was finished.  There is no other explanation.

[Chronicle cover via Jeremy]