826 Valencia

Portlandia to Headline 826 Valencia's 10th Anniversary Party

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Should you have a spare $200 dollars lying around, you can catch a real life glimpse of Portlandia's sketch comedy at 826 Valencia's 10th anniversary fundraiser, which is hella peculiar since Valencia Street (and especially 826) is pretty much ground zero for the shit the show makes fun of.  They might as well rename the show Valenciaia.  Or something.

But I digress.

If you're anything like me, you probably scoffed at the $200 price tag.  And maybe that's justified.  But do keep in mind that this is a fundraiser for a noble non-profit that helps The Kids learn to write and get stoked about literature, so it's not like you're just dropping bank on something you could download for free.

Anyway, it goes down April 18th at the St. Regis Hotel downtown.  Hosted by Dave Eggers and co-hosted by a dude actually named “Rich Kid Cool.”

Get yer tickets.

Does 826 Valencia Promote Plundering and Raping Women?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Some mommy blog has set their sights on 826 Valencia, the non-profit writing center and pirate supply store:

Would you let your kid dress up and play rapist? Murderer? Kidnapper? Armed robber? If they're a pirate fan, chances are you already do. And unlike, say, an outlaw cowboy (is there a kid on earth who's still into cowboys?), a pirate is not a rogue version of someone with a decent job. Rape and plunder is the very reason for their existence.

I've been one of the biggest fans of the pirate revival of the last decade. Loved Johnny Depp in the first Pirates of the Caribbean. I think the pirate supply store at 826 Valencia in San Francisco appeals to both kid and hipster parent like nowhere else. And it's cute that something so 1950s as pirates has seen a resurgence. A kid with an eye patch is so quaint — it's like seeing a kid in a coonskin cap.

The post then brings up modern day Somali pirates, asking “is this really a line of work we should be celebrating?”

What if you dressed your kid as a modern-day Somali pirate? With machine gun, hostage, bandanna … Seems pretty twisted, right? It would never happen. Well, just wait a few hundred years, it'll be fine.

Twisted, indeed!

Be sure to read the whole thing for additional comparisons to outfitting your kids in Nazis regalia, Al Qaeda-chic, and Darth Vader, the “genocidal maniac's” uniform.  [photo by Eli the Bearded]

Sketchy Beard: Dave Eggers at World Series Game 1

— By Zach Perkins |

Local wordsmith Dave Eggers was at AT&T Park yesterday, where he conducted a uniquely San Francisco interpretation of 'World Series coverage' for the Bay Citizen.  Armed with a sketch book, Eggers captured the experience of game one by turning his pen on the fans in and around the park.  The full set can be seen at Bay Citizen. 

Previously on Uptown Almanac: