FUCK BIKE THIEVES

Update: Bike Thieves Still Suck

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A few weeks ago, a buddy of mine cracked his bike frame in four places.  So, less than a week ago, he picked up a new frame and some parts from Mission Bicycle that set him back a few hundred dollars.  All good, right?  Well, last night I had persuaded him to roll down the hill from Alamo Square to Doc's Clock.  After a couple of pints and a pinball ass-whooping delivered by yours truly, we made our way to the sidewalk only to find his bike short a few necessary components.

While you might think the story ends there, it doesn't.  His girlfriend picks him up in her car at 1:30am, they toss the bike on her bike rack and drive off.  Well, at some point during the drive home, the entire rack fell off the car.  As you can imagine, they couldn't find it.

In short:

  1. Fuck bike thieves.
  2. Bad luck does come in threes.
  3. If you happened to come across an reddish fixie missing a front wheel attached to a bike rack in the middle of the road late last night, do let us know.

Take it away, Bruce McCulloch:

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Homeless Dude Steals Bike, Woman on Cell Phone Unfazed

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Generally speaking, my favorite Bay Area bike/skateboard videos involve a bunch of clips depicting the more ridiculous parts of urban life.  ”fresh mucus,” which was “made with a mound of shit”, essentially perfects this.  Sure, early shots of the Bay Bridge, freaked out cats, art openings, and Mr. T posters seem average.  But then comes the finale, when they sneak in a clip of some asshole at 8th and Mission hammering away at a u-lock while some Financial District woman walks by, totally oblivious, chatting away on her cellphone.

Ahhhh San Francisco: where smart phones are more important than bicycles.

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