I had a burning desire to order overpriced shots of Jameson from a meth addict last night, so I made my way over to 800 Larkin with two of my three friends.  Rather than leaving our bikes to the mercy of the Tyrone Biggums-looking sketchtard who offered to “watch over” our rides for five bucks and a cigarette, we opted to park 'em in front of the well-lit Century strip club on Larkin.  Within 10 minutes, some agro dude wearing a shirt that clearly didn't fit him and a tie, who we later learned was the proprietor of New Century Theater, began running around the block yelling “whose bikes are these?” He even ran into 800 Larkin and yelled at all the glazed-over hookers and coke dealers. When he learned they were our bikes, he squawked “come with me and remove them.” Naturally, we resisted because they were locked up to a parking meter on the sidewalk, but he insisted that because they were parked at the edge of a white zone (loading zone), it was illegal and that he would cut the bikes from the meter if we did not voluntarily remove them. So we did the mature thing and told him to get bent and finished our drinks, while he called the police and told his bouncer to fetch a saw.

To our surprise, these guys were actually intent on cutting our bikes off the meter and throwing them up the street.  A car quickly pulled up to loading zone and the owner and bouncer started riffling through a trunk full of tools.  As all this went down, the police showed up and clearly didn't know what the fuck to do. After a minute of the owner ranting against the bicycles hurting his business, it came down to the cops asking us “how long are you leaving your bikes there?” We quipped some  awful pun like “we're just loading up our drinks and we're biking back to a more civil place.” Then they said they'd be by later and expected our bikes to be gone.

So is it actually ever illegal to lock your bike up to a meter?  SF's laws don't say there is anything wrong with locking your bikes up in a white zone, but I'm sure cutting bikes from meters isn't cool.  That said, next time you're in the TL, watch out for ornery strip club owners mugging your bike.

[photo by miss.libertine]