— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Every time you get admitted to a baseball game, the terrorists win.
San Francisco, is this a thing? Last night marked my first trip to AT&T Park* and it was the first time I’ve seen so many high schoolers congregate in one place since I went to the Warped Tour when Blink 182 headlined (save your jokes). Sitting in our ticketed seats and getting altitude sickness, a platoon of 12 kids from Fremont or some shit came rolling up, sat immediately behind us and spent the next 15 minutes yelling into their cellphones trying to find out where “my bitchaz” were. I’m pretty convinced that entire group of people had nothing in common beyond finding out where their friends were. I recognize my friends and I have nothing in common beyond getting ‘hella faded’ and pissing on houses neighboring Dolores Park, but that’s beside the point. Look, I know your “Ridin’ Dirty” ringtone is “fucking tight,” but baseball games are as close to visible patriotism and church as I get, so just put away your goddamn phones and just focus on drinking that vodka you smuggled into the stadium.
Anyways, we eventually moved after resupplying with $9 beers and petzels to another row of seats. About 20 minutes after we got there, another roving pack of post-puberty dogs descended upon us. Tired, defeated and broken, we just sat there dealt with it (by way of snarky comments and more beer).
HIGHSCHOOL PROTIP: back in the day (8 years ago), we didn’t bother people at baseball games or in places people actually wanted to be. No, we’d save the text messaging and blowjobs for the back row of Rob Schneider movies; far, far away from society.
HIGHSCHOOL PROTIP #2: If some guy turns around and says “If I just buy you some fucking beer, will you leave?” take the fucking offer. 1) Offers like that just don’t fall into your lap everyday. 2) He’s not trying to “creep on you,” he just thinks your that fucking annoying. Plus, if I wanted to creep on children, I’d join the Catholic Church (ZING!)
* It’s not that I hate baseball, it’s that I’m from Boston and the first time you step into a stadium that isn’t Fenway when the Red Sox are not playing, you get your Charlie Card permanently revoked.
Comments (15)
Yeah, it was brutal out there last night. We were surrounded by burnouts, drunks, and four 19-year-old Eminems on meth who harassed this Dodger fan so much I woulda defended him if he started swinging. The dipshits in the left field corner kept trying to start the wave. Then, on the way to Muni, there was a garbage can on fire.
I’m proud that we got a good “Barry” chant going but overall, that was a pretty shameful display by the Giants fans last night (it was college night but still).
I’d take it further: you shouldn’t be allowed anywhere in public until you’re 21.
Next time you roll to a game, don’t buy the cheap seats that only little kids can afford. If that is all you can afford, get your popcorn on. They only check for seat tickets in the seats directly behind home plate on the lowest level. Anywhere else is open game.
Also, don’t go on college night if you want to avoid the kiddies you big dumb.
well played.
“Giants Games Really Need to be 21+”, in which Our Adventurers get owned by highschool kids and get angry enough to go home and post on their blogs about it.
“Not gonna lie”, I love it.
You gabachos need to learn about stub hub and get better seats.
You need better seats. I was there last night too. Where I sit, it’s all old f*ers like me. Very enjoyable, except Zito needs to go. When he pitches great it is wonderful, but mostly he pitches like shite. I can’t stand the ups and downs with him, he’s going to give me a heart attack. Also $9 beers are wrong. Have a real strong cocktail before you walk in the place and do as the those teeny boppers do, sneak in a flask of spirit.
Dude, what Zito are you watching? Because Barry just pitched his best month by far as a Giant.
I’m older than you , but you’re a bunch of crotchety old farts. they may be annoying, but they’re acting their age.
AGREED.
It seems like more and more people want to chit chat and eat sushi than enjoy a game of baseball.
Like the drunk college dropouts behind my friend and I at opening day bitching about Rowand the entire time. I bet that they would be bawling in the dugout if they took a pitch to the face like Rowand.
I might take this rant seriously if this blog didn’t use the term “hella” in every damn post.
Cartman stop saying HELLA!!!!!
I was once an annoying teenager from Fremont attending Giants games. However, I’d sit in the bleachers where everyone was so shit faced it didn’t matter how annoying I was, the guy screaming at the left fielder and throwing ice at the usher was way too entertaining for anyone to pay attention to 16 yr olds. I blame the $9 beers for not getting you wasted enough to not give a fuck.
Adult Protip #1 Don’t be a fucking loser and piss on houses neighboring Dolores Park.
I hate to tell you this, but Friday night was the worst night to go. They were having some sort of Tweet-Up party thing going on. I’m sure that had a lot to do with the number of stupid teenagers in the stadium. I often sit in the nosebleeds because the view is awesome and generally I’m away from the douchebags. Next time check the event schedule and make sure nothing’s going on that will attract the idiotic teenagers.