— By @BuffBro |
Just look at these little guys. They look like they sneak out at night, put on little police caps and solve crimes riding around in an adorable tiny police cruiser. The Chief doesn't like it but well… there's no rule on the books that says a dog can't be a police officer!
Maybe they already made that show?
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
[via BAD KIDS]
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
It's been over a year since we last hiked up the hill in Noe Valley so we could watch the ground fall out beneath us, so let's allow Austin Kamps' killer photo inspire this weekend's whimsy.
— By @BuffBro |
Hello, Good Dog fans!
There are a lot of good dogs in this town but it's tough to pick a winner. Iggy is an awesome pup - I ran into him at Rhea's when I was getting my kimchi on.
With all the delicious smells in Rhea's you would think a dog would just be barking like crazy at the sandwich crew, desperately crying out in dog-ese “Where's my sandwich! It's been half an hour goddamnit! I ordered the Korean Beef - it's the best one!”
But no, the little dude was chill as heck, and totally didn't mind having a conversation and posing for a photograph.
Great dog - best of the week for sure.
In other news the kimchi at Rhea's is amazing. I can't believe I never knew you could buy it in jars until this weekend. Goes great with scrambled eggs - just sayin'
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Now that the New York Times has informed us all that ironic gift-giving is the ruination of western civilization AND The Annual War On Christmas has officially begun, it's time to look at what various neighborhood retailers are stocking the shelves with this OMG PRESENTS season!
First up, pillowcases with huge effin' jugs on them! That's right, whimsy emporium Gravel & Gold has finally restocked their shelves with our favorite perky pillowcases:
We finally got our hands on a new batch of Boobs Pillowcases! They’re now available in the shop and online here so you can go ahead and cross off just about every family member on your holiday shopping list, starting with your 13 year old brother who will not believe his luck! We also got a few more Boob Tops in, in case you’ve been waiting to get a hold of one of those….
Schwing!
They're only $32, which is steal in our humble opinion. However, the Boob Top (which, as you might have guessed, is a tit-print tank top for 'the ladies') goes for $125. We here at Uptown Almanac are scratching our heads at this one: how could basically the same about of fabric and knockers cost $93 more in tank top form?
We consulted Uptown Almanac's DIY Expert (that's Do It Yourself for those of you keeping score at home) Eddy Scissorhands for some money-saving tips:
Okay, what your going to need is that pair of safety scissors you stole in kindergarten and still have for some weird reason and a little bit of that DIY spirit.
Step 1: Buy the pillowcase for $32 and then take it back to your crafting HQ.
Step 2: Put on an ugly sweater and have a friend Instagram a photo of you flirtatiously holding the pillowcase up to your nose so it covers the lower half of your face like a burka. Like a foxx!
Step 3: Cut neck and arms holes out of the pillowcase.
Step 4: You're already done and you have $93 leftover for weed and pills!
Thanks, Eddy! The pillowcase is on sale now!
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Election season is almost behind us, and this bummer cycle leaves us nostalgic for the fun and spirited enthusiasm of 2008. What happened to all the beautiful artwork? Horrible songs from the likes of will.i.am? A Barack Obama who seemed to give a shit about winning? Really, it's sad when the most exciting thing about a presidential campaign are the borderline racist blathering from a $3 Billion hairpiece on top of human garbage.
Thankfully, Mission Bicycle managed to find some of that 2008 fire late last week and built a rear wheel that lights up Valencia in support of Obama.
Behold:
Jefferson, the manager over at the shop, admits that taking a stand in official support of Obama “doesn't sound like much of a risk.” But as a shop that ships their bikes across the country, “we will for sure lose a few red fans over [it].”
(Besides, shouldn't we be happy that they're proudly flaunting their political positions, rather being sketchy and secretive over it?)
MonkeyLetric created the technology behind the lights (but, sadly, the Obama version is not for sale at this time) and the filming was done by local filmmaker Luis Peña. And should the video not be enough for you, the wheel is running up in their front window through election day.
(And don't forget to vote tomorrow!)
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
We're sure to see a hurricane of bonfire videos make landfall in the next day or so—and we welcome it—but this early taste from the SFC Podcast kids is destined to be among the best.
— By Cosmic Amanda (@quonky) |
The local Juggathological community was abuzz this afternoon following reports of rare exotic Juggalo sightings in downtown San Francisco. Although their natural habitat includes tents, trailer parks, and wood paneled basements, it is not uncommon for the male Juggalo to wander into more populated areas when methamphetamine supplies run low. Following the scent of Faygo and foraging for joints and titties along the way, the Juggalo, or Ninja as he is sometimes known, may be heard rapping about complex scientific topics such as magnetism or crying out in a series of repetitive wooping sounds. This tiny “gathering” (as a grouping of this species is called) was first spotted outside of Zeitgeist by PD Bird, and later documented marching towards City Hall. Note the sharply contrasting facial markings on both ninjas, and the shiny Hachetman medallion on the specimen on the right. Yes, this is truly a glorious day for Bay Area white trash watchers.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
SF's very-own Ty Segall has been blowing up lately (which, I'm sure you already know, but it bears repeating). He's cranked out 3 LPs this year—one of which is destine to wind up on various album-of-the-year lists, he'll be taking the stage at that festival on that old naval island in the middle of the bay this weekend, and he just dropped his latest album on Tuesday (which received a respectable 8.0 from noted album grader Pitchfork). Apparently he even dedicated the latest record to San Francisco in the liner notes, which is real nice, even if no one really buys CDs and cassettes anymore.
But all that comes to a head next Tuesday, when Ty is scheduled to make his late night TV debut on Conan. It'll be big for him, but awesome for us. I mean, just watch how fucking weird it got when he did a network morning show in Chicago last week:
See? Rules. I can already see him just screaming “CONANNNNNNNN!!! COOOOOOONANNNNNNNNNN!!” at that goofy Irish dude over and over again.
11pm Tuesday on TBS (or Wednesday AM on YouTube).
— By Jon Skulski |
Starting this Thursday, the kids over at Endgames Improv are moving to the Mission.
Every week, we've got six opportunities to spend zero to ten dollars and laugh our little heads off. The shows are at Stage Werx Theatre, between 15th and 16th on Valencia. If you've got an itch, they also have some very fine classes starting at the end of the month. I think it's all very hella neat and I'm giddy as hell.
Full disclosure: I like these people and I'm taking classes there and I think they do very fine work that is on the level of NYC or Chicago and I also think you should come out to see these shows. So here's the schedule:
Thursdays:
Fridays: