— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
In the escalation of the Mission vs Marina culture wars, Mission hipsters have inadvertently become what they despise. Oh yes, in response to the douche-ladden Mr. Marina contest (which I most certainly plan on attending while wildly twisted on bourbon), some internet randoms are hosting a Mr. Mission Competition in which guys who look vaguely like hipsters kiss their arms n' stuff.
From the event's description:
Perhaps you know someone you’d like to nominate who…
Your Mr. Mission candidate doesn’t have to live in the Mission but does need to embrace the true essence of the neighborhood. He will have to outperform the other candidates in a series of intense tests, trivia, and activities. There will be 3 judges to impress and scoring will be dependent upon fundraising success as well; each candidate will fundraise for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in order to participate.
- Always ends a big night at Taqueria Cancun
- Spends at least 1/3 of his life basking at Dolores Park
- Is on a first name basis with the waiters at Mission Chinese
- Sports a mustache more ironic than a black fly in your chardonnay
- Immediately gets passed a spliff when he sits down at Revolution Cafe
Wait, Revolution Cafe? Does anyone who's not homeless even go to Revolution Cafe?
If you're anything like me (cynical asshole), this competition is seems suspect as fuck. And for good reason:
These are the “people” putting on the competition. A bunch of bros, yuppies, and burners: San Francisco's 'other' white demographics. This is literally coming from a company that makes their money by hosting 80s themed adult scavenger hunts.
HOWEVER, this is what you get if you win the competition:
In addition to becoming a local celebrity and acquiring more booty calls than he can shake a stick at, Mr. Mission will be celebrated by local businesses in the form of a Mr. Mission cocktail featured at Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem, a Mr. Mission ice-cream flavor featured at Bi-Rite Creamery and a Mr. Mission coffee blend at Ritual.
I cannot lie; I too would demean myself and dress like a horrible person to get an ice cream flavor named after me/solicited for sex on a random occasion. So please nominate me for the Mr. Mission Competition; I can out-asshole these kids any day of the week.
UPDATE: The 'sponsors'/webhosts are also kinda homophobs. Yikes.
Comments (9)
Dude. Come on man. It’s a fucking CANCER FUNDRAISER. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. How is something where people are going to have fun at an event raising money for CANCER RESEARCH going to be detrimental to your neighborhood at all?
I’d like to kindly refer you to my comment from Refinery29’s “Mr. Marina” coverage here - http://www.refinery29.com/mr-marina-competition
“If you’re anything like me (cynical asshole), this competition is seems suspect as fuck.”
Look at the fucking photo posted next to your name dude. You’re the definition of “obnoxious.” You’re on the same level as these people and deep down it disgusts you.
First you want to be District 9 Supervisor. Now you want to be “Mr. Mission”. I dunno. But, then again, being Miss Wasilla 1984 didn’t hurt Sarah Palin’s political career any. So, maybe you’re on to something…
I nominate my Popi….
I wonder if Wes knows he’s a contender in that uncredited photo by Mike Chino. Hmm…
Fuck these kids, what’s your email Kevbot?
Eriks right man. It’s a cancer fundraiser. I’m really hoping maybe you “didn’t think before you wrote” and admit to just getting over excited about a useless comment you had. Hopefully you attack other things that deserve your negative opinion and don’t attack people having fun and helping out doing it. It makes you look pretty desperate.
I looked at this company’s Website for so long and I still can’t figure out what they do.
Oakland is starting to really look great right now.