— By Jenny Wilson |
Last week I was in Brooklyn and stumbled across Bond No. 9's latest scent “Brooklyn.'” The Brooklyn perfume consists of a combination of grapefruit, cardamom, cypress-wood, geranium leaves, juniper berrie, cesarwood, leather and guaiacwood, (wtf is that?) and for a mere $220 you can actually “smell like” Brooklyn. Don't really know where they came up with this weird ass combo to encapsulate the scent of the “edgy metropolis.” To me Crooklyn smells like wasted youth and decaying bodies but, I guess that really isn't marketable.
If San Francisco's neighborhoods were bottled up into different perfumes, what would these neighborhoods smell like? And what is the price you'd have to pay to smell like them?
Mission: Taco trucks, piss, cheap beer, expensive coffee, trustafarians. Price: One call to your parents to please, please, please let you use daddy's Amex one more time.
Haight: Drum circles, midwestern runaways that didn't get the memo that punk is dead (see: dirt, b.o., and dreadlocks), bong loads, DMT. Price: Panhandle for 48 hrs straight and pray some unwitting tourists feel bad for your 3 dogs.
Marina: The scent of entitlement, hair product, fake tanner, axe body spray, shame, chest bumps! Price: The cost of running for mayor.
Tenderloin: Crack, garbage, meth, cheap blow jobs (see: rotting teeth), poor life decisions. Price: Eagerness to give cheap blow jobs.
Noe Valley: Upwardly mobile snobbery, babies, french bulldogs (read: shit), the new car smell. Price: Raising 2 kids, paying for private school, a vasectomy
Sunset: Isolation, depression, pseudo suburbia. Price: Moving anywhere else in the city
Castro: Rainbows, unicorns, leather daddy's leather, lube. Price: An evening at Boy Bar.
Chinatown: fish, lost tourists, the dirty 30, dumpsters. Price: Shitting yourself.
North Beach: Pizza! bros, day old strippers. Price: One lap dance.
If you have anymore ideas go ahead and throw them into the comments, and if you want to add anymore neighbs that I didn't cover, i.e. Pac Heights (I'm not sure what rich smells like) go ahead and do it.
Comments (8)
Lets see…Pac Heights smells like a leather purse the size of a studio apartment (that costs the amount of said studio’s rent), any meal that costs as much as a month’s groceries, pilates sweat (or whichever boutique exercise trend you mico-sculpt your body with), and the nanny’s quarters.
Oh! I forgot…cost: who cares!
Castro: Wafer-thin Asian queens who will tell an old white man, “Me like you long time.” in the hopes that he’ll whip out an black AmEx card and spring for this bottle of status water.
Lower Haight- Crusty-Punk leather jackets, Denim, Bacon Cheesburgers, Rosamunde Sausages, Craft Beer, PBR, Spray Paint, Greasy pizza, Hail Salon hair products, Tattoo ink, Wind…not Mexican food.
xoxo
SOMA: uppity bridge-and-ferry (see: Marin county) Giants fans, pissed-on industrial steel, owners of sky-high and overly-priced urban condominiums. Price: Two season-passes to seats behind third plate, shards of glass from broken crack pipes outside your building’s valet parking attendant’s cubicle.
SOMA: uppity bridge-and-ferry (see: Marin county) Giants fans, pissed-on industrial steel, owners of sky-high and overly-priced urban condominiums. Price: Two season-passes for seats behind third plate, shards of glass from broken crack pipes outside your building’s valet parking attendant’s cubicle.
NOPA: Whatever cover up they used to hide the Western Addition smell
North beach has to have garlic in the scent mix - walking down the hill to Columbus in the mornings I could smell the scent cooking garlic wafting up the hill as the restaurants were getting ready for the day. And of course coffee, you can smell it roasting at times.