Contrary to the title of this post, the entirety of my weekend will involve eating burritos in the sunny Santa Barbara, hopefully with this dude. But if the lure of $10 nachos and high-fiving sorority sluts during their walk of shame wasn’t such a huge pull, i’d be doing the following things:

Pacific Standard Timeless DVD premiere: FREE STUFF. FREE THINGS. tonight, over at Eve’s Lounge (I got a flyer for there once, so it must be legit), they’re premiering Mochilla’s “Timeless” DVD, which from what I can pick up is about concerts in LA. There’ll be lots of free music, including J-Rocc  of the Beat Junkies, who I suppose is good because the event listing touts him as the West Coast’s greatest living DJ. but who cares? ITS FREE.

Thurs @ 9pm, 575 Howard St.

Shake Me! show: Remember when i wrote about these guys? who am i kidding, limited attention spans and diminished brain cells probably means you’re like “who is this bitch with the cat picture posting things?” Anyways, they’re an East Bay band, but they’re playing in SF at Retox on Saturday, which means you don’t have to cross any significant bodies of water to hear awesome music. The last time they played, people came into my bar sobbing and kept muttering “it was so beautiful. SO beautiful” after the show, so if you want to hear music that would make Mother Theresa feel like she hadnt done enough for this world, head over to Potrero Hill this Saturday. if music isn’t your thing, but strange dudes with buttah teefs dancing and interiors that looks like a 70s porno set in an airplane are, you should DEFINITELY go. Besides, I mean, look how goddamned cute they are. if i wasn’t so invested in my future as a cat lady I’d be all like “let’s go back to my place and watch procedural crime dramas!”

Sat @ 7:30, 628 20th St.

So get on with your bad selves and enjoy San Francisco this weekend. I’ll be back on Monday with a sunburn, hangover, and hopefully stories about how I was made to feel like a cougar at the ripe old age of almost 23. THANKS SANTA BARBARA.

via Headline Shirts.

via Headline Shirts.

Ugh, I hate music hipsters. Is it really necessary to demand your iPod be plugged in at your local bar so everyone can hear Yeasayer? Guess what, buddy, Urban Outfitters has been all over this shit for months. When my drunk ass says to you, “I feel like I’m at work right now, this is awful.” and you scoff at me because I couldn’t POSSIBLY know who Yeasayer are since you think you’re “ahead of the curve” because you just got home from SXSW and your skinny jeans still smell like Austin, try not to act like a child. This song is annoying. Half of your iPod is annoying. We’re in a sports bar that on a Monday night is inhabited by drunk old men. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR HIPSTER JAMZ. We want Springsteen! We want shitty arena rock! Why do I keep having this conversation with you? If you weren’t my friend’s friend, I’d be relentless instead of fake apologetic. Go to the Mission if you’re going to be this kind of a snob. Yeasayer?! You make me laugh. Please stop acting like you’d also never be caught dead inside of an Urban Outfitters because after giving 4 years of my life to my favorite retail outlet, I know exactly where your shirt came from.

Read on…

You guys should all check out Shake Me!, an awesome band from Oakland. why?

a) it’s something that doesnt suck in the east bay (I kid, I love the east bay). I know, I know, living in the buttfuck of San Francisco, I am well aware that people won’t travel to the Outer Sunset, much less the East Bay. BUT they’re from Oakland, and BART is a whole lot easier to sleep on than MUNI.  TRUST ME.

b) I’ve seen them play at the Retox (which is in SF, you lazy fucks) and they were great! and this was months ago, so i guarantee now they sound almost like if jesus played instruments (did jesus play instruments? he totally strikes me as a drummer)

c) outside of the band, these guys are truly amazing, all-around good dudes, and I may work with a few of them/slang dranks for a few of them. they’re also all super attractive specimens of man, and if so inclined you can play the fun game of trying to find out which ones are available, married, or engaged. It’s a really fun game, I swear. Plus, their significant others/spouses/fiances are lovely women who generally won’t try and shank you when you yell things like “i’ve totally got a huge boner for that singer/guitarist/bassist/drummer!” or whatever inappropriate things about musicians you like to scream loudly in public.

if the combination of public transportation, jesus, and boners has you convinced, you can catch them this Thursday, the 15th, at The Red Hat in Concord (i know, hiss! the east bay!) or on Saturday, the 24th, back at Retox (San Francisco!). They also play on May 21st at Blakes on Telegraph in Berkeley, where “you havent been to berkeley if you havent’s been to Blake’s.” Since I’ve apparently now never been to Berkeley, I’ll hold your hand on BART and we can go together. I promise to be gentle if it’s your first time.

Check out their facebook fan page for more info.