Music

Never has a man in an argyle sweater rocked so hard.

— By Brizz |

Before you click play, know that this video is unwatchable, unless maybe you’re into early-90s MTV camera shake or hella loved The Blair Witch Project. But I thank Hood Rat Stuff With My Friends for shooting it anyway, if only to give you a sense of the force of a Murder City Devils live show. I am old. I don’t fit into the age demographic tagline of this site, and neither do my friends, but all of us were up front and center for this show when they came by last February. I had bruises and a pretty busted kneecap to prove it. The reunited Devils come back our way again in May, for two shows, on the 6th at GAMH and the 7th at Slim’s. Pre-sale tickets go on sale at 10AM today, but because I don’t want to make this too easy for you, I’m not posting the passwords. They are easy enough to find. These shows will be amazing. Ninety percent of the crowd will be shitfaced on whiskey. If you are lucky, maybe the drum kit will be set on fire like back in the day.

Mellow Authenticity

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Don’t worry, it’s an acoustic cover of The Thong Song.  But, DANG, look at those hands.  LADIES.

(photo by Sarah Megan)

Z-Man Lets You Choose Your Own Price, and That Price is Free

— By Brizz |

San Francisco and Gurp City’s own Z-Man has a gift for you: his new, free, downloadable EP,Show Up, Shut Up and Rap. I realize that’s not as exciting as stealing it off the internet or shoplifting it from the defunct Virgin Megastore, but if you are familiar with Z’s work, you are definitely stoked, and if you’re not familiar with him, now’s your chance to jump on the bandwagon of a man who’s worked with Hieroglyphics and is part of One Block Radius, not to mention the writer and performer of the hit song “White Girls Wit Ass” off his excellent  Dope or Dog Food. My research team also just turned up Z’s Twitter, which I’m sure is hilarious, and dude is a prolific visual artist, you’ve probably seen his work at different smoke shops and different businesses around the city. 

Download it here.

Given the success of "Hipster Puppies," I think I should start "Indie Rock Puppies"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

All I wanted to do yesterday was ravage a black bean burger and drink some generic-yet-strikingly-sexy American beer; so I rolled into Bender’s and was immediately confronted by some Fernet-sponsored afternoon sideshow.  Yahweh clearly wasn’t going to be parting the sea of scenesters covered in red stage lighting for me, so opted to hang out in the back making fleeting hand-grabbing motions at the unplugged pinball machine.  Then I spotted the scene below.  Front row at an indie-row concert: this poor dog had ‘teh fear’ in his eyes.  The owner even attempted to cover the dog’s ears when their fashion-accessory became visibly unsettled.  It didn’t work but the. show. must. go. on.

I guess this is what it takes to be cool in the authenticity arms race?

DRE DAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

— By Serg |

 Because San Francisco sucks ass at appreciating rap music we don’t have a Dre Day party like other cities (chicago, minneapolis, nyc, austin, philly) who know whats up. But fuck it that aint stopping me from appreciating Dr Dre on his birthday. So tell’em where you from and crack something cause early 90’s gangsta rap truly is one of greatest eras for music and if you don’t think so you probably get mad like a bitch is suppose too. Peep Jimmy2Times Dre Day mix that he did for Burlesque, they started the Dre Day parties. (beginnings of dre day here)

 

 

Uptown Critic: The Most Ludicrous Music Video I've Ever Watched

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Got an email from Allan:

I want to know what the Uptown Almanac has to say about THIS:

Here’s the thing: this video is so laced with sexuality, Lady Gaga impersonators, and 80’s pornography-film music that it is very hard for a mere mortal to evaluate.  Thankfully, I majored in alcohol consumption and premarital sex in college, so I’ll give this a once over.

Truthfully, I don’t know immediately what brand of journey I am about to embark on.  The opening features dogs barking, shaky camera work, and some tranny running through the woods.  Zombie films are pretty hot these days and the fact I am watching one on Vimeo will less than 300 views made me feel bleeding edge until…

…some relatively ‘cool music’ begins playing and a fairly faggy (no no, it’s okay.  I live in San Francisco.  It’s my word too) child actor comes crawling through the thicket to ‘take his hipster princess.’  Now it’s becoming evident that I’m about to experience a “bold experiment in art bridging the mediums of fashion, music, film, and expensive catering.”

As previously mentioned, Lady Gaga smokes some crack rocks and joins the cast.

The video then proceeds to give us a gratuitous shot of an aardvark tattoo, leaving the audience to ponder “What’s below of that tramp stamp?”  The answer, unbeknownst to most, is scabies.

Suddenly, a second man joins the cast and there is mad cantaloupe on the scene.  Also, this chick had a period all over her own face, which pretty much indicates she can contort her body in wonderful ways and make getting the clap into an “alright” experience.

At this point, I’m starting to shed the hate and get impressed.  Last time I was dry humping an ambiguously-gendered person and I got a little hungry, I ate a couple of double-stuffed Oreos and had some flat grape soda.  But Christ, this is an orgy of fruit and animal carcasses.  Go on…

Now people are finger-fucking the food.  I know very little about the female anatomy because I figure if “bitch gets pregnant, I always have a can of Raid and a baseball bat.”  But I’m reminded of what the great philosopher Snoop Doggy Dogg had to say about intercourse: “used to be up in them guts like everyday.”  Based on this astute analysis of the female genitalia, one can only assume that this is a metaphor for the 48 seconds of intercourse they are about to have.

Abruptly the journey has concluded with some shots of unwieldy fingernails.  We witnessed no penetration and I am left with a penis ascending into my lower abdomen in fear.

Ordinarily, this is where one would compose a synopsis of what just occurred, but I would prefer to leave you with this: “Filmed in London and Los Angeles.”  lol wut?

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