Impersonator Misses Hunky Jesus Contest by 143 Days

Uptown reader “ALWAYS HIGH” (shrug) sent along this snap of Jesus carrying a cross down Mission Street, noting “I found Jesus today.”

We can only assume that either (1) this man is unfortunately very late for Dolores Park's Hunky Jesus Contest or (2) he's being nailed up somewhere between Thrift Town and the methy Walgreens.

This Poor Bastard Really Needs a Place to Live (Only in the Mission)

I generally ignore shit taped to poles, but I can't resist a sloth in a top hat waving at me:

Ah yes, the classic bait-and-switch.  Promise me sloth people, only to find out you have homeless fire victims in stock.  Harrumph.

But there's a sad subtext to all this… mainly, that some poor, guitar-playing artist kid from Texas cannot find anyone to take his monthly allowance of $880 in exchange for a place to live.  Completely rejected by Craig and The Lists, Kyle Welch and his friend are taping flyers appealing to sloth people on every pole, box, and parklet along Valencia:

Ever since the fire, Kyle has been looking for a place to live and has had no success.  Craigslist people won't respond, prices are rising, and opportunities are not rising for this fair fellow.  It sickens me. I believe this has a lot to do with all the tech dorks, sky-rocketing the rents in the Mission and thats [sic] just not fair.

What Was Up With That Giant Blue and Green Flash Over the Neighborhood Last Night?

While I was out “getting tacos” around 2 a.m. last night, the sky lit up with this wild blue and green flash.  I'm not talking fireworks either, but an odd, pulsing glow that consumed everything.

At first I thought I must've got some bad meat in my taco, but then the power went out and everyone else around also seemed to notice it.  The general consensus was either that Richmond Chevron refinery was up to no good again or aliens were waging war with Fremont, so I went to bed.

Turns out we were all wrong, just some drunk driver nailing a telephone pole near SF General:

Here's What Bi-Rite Looked Like in 1947

The SF Public Library is still in the process of scanning their piles of old San Francisco photography and recently came across this gem of a shot of Bi-Rite from the days before the velvet rope.  Our favorite signage is there, as are the piles (albeit smaller) of fresh fruit in the front window, but I'm not sure what these empty lots amidst the hot Mission Dolores real estate and this Three Veterans business is all about.

[Photo via The Bay Citizen]