Hater Tuesday brings word of 911wasaninsidejob.org's campaign to bring a doughnut shop to the Lower Haight.  And what a worthwhile campaign it is: the 'hood has most of the major food groups people care about covered (pizza, ice cream, sausage, sandos, beer), but when it comes to fried pastries that you can dunk in your Irish coffee, you're shit outta luck.

9/11 Was An Inside Job's Google Map of area doughnut spots really nails the point home.

Of course, if this campaign will ultimately be successfully is anyone's guess, but I think we can all agree that it's refreshing to see our city's Ron Paul fanboys moving onto more important issues.

In case you slept through yesterday, the Niners beat the Saints in a 'nail biter' to squeak out their first playoff win in practically forever.  And, of course, the Mission lost its collective shit and it ruled:

This was the scene at Clooney's as soon as the Niner's scored their game winning touchdown. As you can see, the barflies (many of whom were kicked out for being too wasted/too awesome by this point) were more relieved than anything else.

Drumming on giant Tecate cans proved to be quite the crowd-pleaser.

While Mission Street descended into a car-honking, flag-flying, holding-babies-out-of-car-windows parade, some people took advantage of the empty stores and extended their T-Mobile contract.

And finally, before the game kicked off, this Niners fan (sporting a Love Shack cannabis club t-shirt, might I add) fed a dog in a duffle bag some McDonalds.

Guys and gals of The Mission, WHAT the FUCK is going on with karaoke in the hood?

It seems like it was just last year that you could be chilling with some lady you found on Craigslist, pop into Jack's for a few personal pitchers of brew and screech out some 80s love duet when the mood struck. It was fucking MAGICAL.

But now… now!… it seems that every Thursday night when I want to howl at Jack's grimy ceiling, they are CONVENIENTLY hosting some “fundraiser” to cure cancer or whatever. And there are people there too! Who are these people? Are they 94110 thru-and-thru, or are they scumbag yuppies who read bandwagon blogs and can afford to just GIVEAWAY four bucks to battered women?

It's borderline entrapment, I tell ya.

I don't buy this whole “donation” thing either. I've seen that Mission Mission asshole (who's NOT from SAN FRANCISCO) walk in all slow-motion like, giving the bouncer an assertive “I know you” slap while gliding past for free. Suspect!

Last night I had that uncontrollable urge to belt out some Talking Heads. So, yeah, I rolled the dice. But when the bouncer told me it was a four dollar donation to the homeless to get in, I spat in his face, threw an uneaten sandwich in the trash, and went to POPS and peed all over the floor.

I was NOT born in a city like San Francisco to pay a cover to drink Busch across the street from a place where frumpy old people go to die. There has GOT to be another way.

(Photo (c) Chris Brennan)

It's easy, really.  For girls, just hang your ass out the window and dribble down the side of a “We Bought a Zoo” banner.  For guys, whip out your syphilitic dick as you are already accustomed to doing on the bus, somehow manage to seek out the corner that will maximize the quantity of people that have to smell it, and just pee there.

[This feat was accomplished by Kelly Kate]