Life

Haight Street Dinosaur Hasn't Evolved to Pick Up After Itself

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I don't really go to the Upper Haight unless I want to feel better about myself, so please excuse my ignorance, but does Shoe Biz just roll this dino out every time a gutter punk's dog poops on the sidewalk for the visual gag, or does it really dispense feces?

Anyway, sorry about posting a pic of of a guy wearing a Canadian tuxedo to the blog.  So gross.

[Photo by P.D. Bird]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Praise Jesus! It's Finally Spring in San Francisco!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Man, it was a brutal winter this year.  There were those few days of rain. I had to wear a jacket one night in, like, December. The other weekend it got too breezy to hang out drinking in the park past 4:30, so I went to Zeitgeist's beer garden instead.  I think it got into the 40s or something at some point.  And just the other night, I stepped out of the house for a 10pm burrito only to find a light mist coating the ground, forcing me retreat into the safety of Victorian shelter.

So skip out of work early, put on your finest pair of short jorts, and soak up the sunshine, San Francisco.  You've earned it.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Have Your Dead Terrorist and Eat Him Too

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Those crazy California College of the Arts kids are up to no good again. This time, they're putting Osama Bin Laden's head on a fucking platter. SFMOMA's blog has the story:

Before I had a chance to visually make sense of anything in the exhibition I was greeted by an overpowering sweet smell of vanilla and pastry. The source was in the center of a huddled mass of giggling persons eating something on a pedestal; upon closer inspection what was revealed was a half-eaten head of Osama Bin Laden—served with American-flag cake plates and red cocktail napkins with violet lettering spelling out “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”, along with a red-stained chef’s knife. Another disturbing factor was the gleeful smiles of people eating large slices while urging others to have some of Bin Laden’s symbolic head.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing disturbing about people getting all gleeful like about eating a giant cake; just look at all that frosting around his spinal cord!

Anyway, read on for more delicious pics and accusations of cannibalism/political apathy.

Haight Street Gutter Punks in the Mission Not Necessarily a Bad Thing

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I've been down on the whole “Haight Street gutter punks invading the Mission” thing in the past, but this conversation between a Mission kid and a crusty set of Caucasian dreadlocks that I overheard last night outside a bar (where else?) has me reconsidering my scorn:

[Following a 5 minute rant about Ron Paul and how dyslexics are the only hope for America]

Gutter Punk: How could you vote to reelect Obama?!

Mission Kid: The world is a complicated place…

GP: Did you know he voted for indefinite detention?!?!

MK: Obama doesn't “vote.”

And then he stole my friend's margarita.

[Photo by Paul E Ester]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Shirtless Crazyperson Yelling Atop Buddhist Temple's Front Gate Shuts Down 17th

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Erika tells us that 17th from Mission to Valencia is completely shut down because a nutter is making a scene and “yelling uncontrollably.”  Not only that, but there's four cop cars, an ambulance, a firetruck, and an army of gawkers helping make this a bona fide spectacle:

This, people, is why you should never read spiritual texts without a sober chaperon.

Fitting In with the Locals or Patronizing Weirdo?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Local comedian Chris Thayer happened to drive past this dude outside the 24th St. BART station the other day and had this to say:

There's a fine line between trying to fit in with the locals and being a patronizing weirdo. If you find yourself dressed like a member of The Sonics, wearing a sombrero, and drinking a 16 oz. Budweiser (NO BAG) at 2PM on a Thursday, you've probably crossed it.

Seriously; dude could have at least shown enough respect to drink a Tecate.

(Thanks, Chris!)

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