— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Our East Coast brothers and sisters in the war against crap-covered sidewalks have devised a new tactic in shaming open-air bowel movement enthusiasts into reforming their gnarly ways: blanketing their street surprises with glitter and decorative figurines. Effective? Maybe. Hilarious? Definitely.
Miss Heather of New York Shitty—a blog dedicated to New York's curbside chocolate and street art scene—speculates that this strategy of sparkly ridicule might actually be getting IBS victims to move along:
Our poopetrator seems to be alternating his (her) bombing raids between West and India Street. […]
Has this person taken notice of my little project and feels some semblance of shame? Or is he simply revolted by his best friend’s doggie dumplings (like the rest of us)? This is the question I plan to tackle next. However, before leaving Poo Corner today I decided to leave my new friend a bit of holiday cheer.
Is it time we embrace a similar campaign for Mission District poos and pukes? Leave toy boats in puddles of puke? Have miniature Michael Phelps' doing laps in the nightly Great Lakes of Stomach Acid that appear outside of El Trebol? Plant a bonsai forest of fake plastic avocado trees atop the mountains of dung that litter Bartlett?
The streets are our foul canvas.
(Also, my sincerest apologizes for two ass-related posts in a row.)