— By Jane Parton |
So the other day my friend Kahla showed me this highly comprehensive list of types of bitches that a third grade teacher in Washington, D.C. found on the floor in a hallway of school … and I am LOVING IT. My personal favorites are “got all that mouth but can't step bitches,” “bitches that be ignoring you when you know they can hear you” and “uncreative bitches.” You can find the whole list here.
This morning Kahla & I were inspired to compile a Types of Bitches list more suited to our immediate social environment. We're calling it Types of Bitches: Mission Edition. With only 25 entries it's just the beginning of the full compilation, so feel free to suggest any bitches we may have missed in the comments.
So far, we have identified:
1) Chrome bag but no bike bitches
2) Resident DJ bitches
3) Selling doilies and owl necklaces on Etsy bitches
4) White bitches who think they're “down” 'cause they listen to Too Short
5) Throwing up in Delirium bitches
6) Toms-wearing smelly feet bitches
7) “Are those skulls?” bitches
8) You just locked the wrong wheel of your bike up bitches
9) Head-to-toe American Apparel bitches
10) Unemployed bitches who think they're artists
11) Flask of Ancient Age in the bar bitches
12) Morrissey tattoo having bitches
13) Moustache party throwing bitches
14) Crush on a bike messenger bitches
15) Trust fund having but pretending to be poor bitches
16) Leather-wearing vegan bitches
17) Thinking they're all that modeling vintage for their friend's eBay store bitches
18) Peacock feather earring bitches
19) Walk of Shame down 24th St. bitches
20) Bitches you can tell were scene kids back in high school
21) Won't stop talking about how much they love Portland bitches
22) Stripping to pay for that postgraduate philosophy degree bitches
23) Bitches fucking that guy you used to fuck
24) Been “26” for the past five years bitches
25) Butchering Salt-n-Pepa songs at 500 Club on Sunday night bitches
What type of bitch are you? Right now I'll admit to being #11 and slightly #14. I was #6 for about two weeks back in the summer of 2007. It wasn't a good look.
Comments (19)
1, 11.
“Retro” Burlesque bitches
Hoping to get a job in the “creative” industries with liberal arts degree, but gonna be nurses bitches
Yoga, on another plane, bitches (usually don’t know they’re bitches)
Bridge and tunnel trying to parallel park daddy’s car on outside of Elixir on a Saturday night bitches
colby keller did it better.
blogging bitches
(sorry, too easy)
Spent 2 weeks in London and came back with a British accent bitches
Takes 2 hours to look like they just rolled out of bed bitches
act like they invented Dolores Park bitches
tartine’s yuppie bread line bitches
- i’m closest to #22 but really, I’m a whole new kinda bitch not even on this list.
foxtail wearin’ bitches.
Stop doing all my coke bitches
jane parton is my favorite
Hmm….I’m sorta #6 (but my feet don’t smell cuz I swear sock liners with them), sorta #18 and definitely #21
Also, loving TK’s bitches!
This is very very good.
i wonder how many ladies are #19? i for one have gotten hella play on that block, & i only don’t count myself because i wasn’t ashamed … or could drown any twinges of shame in philz.
There are tons of ladies that are #19. I know this because I live just off 24th and between my old flat mates and myself there were plenty of walks of shame. Plenty! If you count guys as bitches even better because my female flat mate was a big big hit with the fellas.
do i count as #19 if i had to walk down 24 to get to BART the next morning?
four loko’d bitches.
skinny jean, retro metallica t-shirt with tweed vest, fedora hat and feather earring wearing bitches who talk shit about “hipsters”.
#11 for life! Although i’m confused as to how that makes you a bitch. How about “paying $10 for a tiny ass weak drink at delirium bitches?)
OH and #19 for DAYYYYYYYYYYS!