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Does MIA 'roll balls' at DNC Convention parties?

— By Zach Perkins |

(via MIA’s twitpic & The Alt Report)

During MIA’s recent takeover of Pitchfork Media’s twitter account (which brought us such gems as: “go egosurfing DRINK A SHOT OF TEQUILLA spamouflaged in brandalism”), the fauxpolitik-princess blasted a picture of her MacBook’s desktop.  Seems like she’s doing some “party research” to help get out the youth vote for the 2012 election season.  

Anyone know where I can score some ‘Rod Jetton’s Rockin Ruffies’ brand rohypnol? 

City Unveils Dolores Park Renovation Website, Doesn't Tell Us Anything We Didn't Already Know 2 Months Ago

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

What does the South Sunset Playfield have to do with Dolores Park?  Everything.

Rec & Park finally launched their completely disappointing Dolores Park Renovation website.  Naturally, there is no way to submit community input or feedback, no additional information that we didn’t report on two months ago, nada.  The “get involved” section links to some random page about planting sprouts or weed or some shit… half the links either don’t work or go to some irrelevant page (my favorite is the twitter link in their ‘social media toolbar’).

The only thing this site tells us is that the next community meeting is going to be sometime in July and the construction schedule has been pushed back to February 2012.  And it took the city government 2 months to get this thing out the door?  Fail.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Get the Fuck Outta My Newsfeed: Hipstamatic Prints

— By Zach Perkins |

 

If I see the word “Hipstamatic” pop up in my MyFace.com Newsfeed one more time I swear to god I’m going to go around smashing iPhones into fucking oblivion.  You are flooding the shit out of my newsfeed and seriously hampering my hourly stalking of girls that I did/didn’t have sex with two to six years ago.  

And like that shitty Happy Meal toy I didn’t want, every Newsfeed instance of that apex-douche term “Hipstamatic” comes complete with a lame picture you took of your dull day-to-day life, plus the synthetically retro after affects you added to make it seem one ten-thousandth less dull.  FUCK. 

edit: And for the record; yes I do know that I can “hide Hipstamatic Share for iPhone” but motherfuckers be double posting as wall photos telling me all about what kind of ‘rad’ fake lenses and no-longer-produced film you didn’t actually use.  I’d prefer to block your app, not you.  Don’t tempt me.

Snow Bunny Rocking a 'Rad' California Hoodie Gets Mugged Outside Medjool

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

 

Out of respect for Jesus and my trashed liver, I decided to not drink today and instead opted to see what was happening back in the Mission while watching the Sox and Steven Tyler embarrass himself in the 7th.  Well, snap, some foreign tourist (read: terrorist) was “iMugged” today.  Snaps all around!  Also, “iMugged” is Mission Local’s word, not mine.  The only words I like to make up are prefixed with “fuck” or “fart” or “zomg.”

SF Weekly Generously Reveals the Vote Count for their Web Awards!

— By Laura B |

Seriously. In the words of someone much wiser than myself, “if you’re picking people who are good at internet, maybe you should be better at it yourself?” Also, daaaaaaaaang, YOU GUYS REALLY. Finally, TOTALLY VOTE FOR US, riiiiiiight? It looks like about thirty people have voted and there are about thirty people who read this site so we can take this with very little effort. OH MAN NOW WHEN IF WE DON’T WIN SO EMBARRASSING. 

 

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